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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To finally feel that we have had a really rotten year? (Long, sorry)

46 replies

NicwNacw · 17/11/2011 10:30

Up till now I've managed to see the positives in everything that's happened this year - but after the last couple of days I'm starting to struggle a bit...

Last February I went to the Doctor and finally did something about the depression I had been feeling (denying really) since my early teens. This was a massive step for me and really positive, Dr prescribed counselling which was very helpful, and antidepressants. Just as well really because in March DH was diagnosed with mouth cancer.

Unfairly, he is not a drinker, is fit and active, has never smoked and visits the dentist on a fairly regular basis. To cut a very long story short in May he had a partial glossectomy (nearly 1/2 his tongue removed) which was rebuilt with a chunk from his arm, including nerves and arteries which were grafted into his tongue. He also had a graft taken from his stomach to cover the bit missing from his arm! He had a tracheostomy for a few days and spent 2 weeks in hospital, but made an amazing recovery.

Oh, nearly forget - a week before DH was due to go in I was made redundant - on my birthday!! Yes, really - you couldn't write it!

Two weeks after DH came home, we became concerned about DS2 (5). He had started bed wetting and becoming irritable and prone to tantrums - he is generally the most laid back, happy child I have ever come across (I am/was a teacher). Anyway, we thought this was all down to DH being ill but then DH's Mum came for the weekend and mentioned that DS2 seemed to be drinking an awful lot.....can you guess what it is yet??

So on the Monday morning we took a urine sample to the Dr and yes, you've guessed it - Type 1 diabetes. Cue 3 days in hospital and insulin injections for life.

At this point, although upset and worried we were still remarkably positive about everything. The cancer had brought us closer together and we'd realised how strong we were and the DS2 was feeling better than he had for a long time. It could have been so much worse - you only have to read some of the stories on here to realise that.

All settled down for a bit then, until DH started having breathing problems and was readmitted. Of course we thought the worse, but after investigations it turned out that scar tissue from the trachy was obstructing his trachea. He then had another op to sort that out and since that, has gone from strength to strength - we have been SO lucky in SO many ways.

But I'm a bit fed up today - DS2 has been having tummy aches fairly regularly which intially was thought to be constipation (although I knew it wasn't). We saw his diabetes team yesterday and has now been screened for coeliac disease which apparently has links to diabetes. It would make sense as my cousin has CD and I guess I've always been a bit IBS-y IYKWIM!

And then - and this was the final straw - as we went to get in the car to take DS2 to clinic yesterday we noticed that someone has keyed our relatively new (to us) car, all along the back in lovely triangle shape carvings, and down the passenger side from the rear light to the front indicator - and I think I've just lost my positivity for a bit.

Sorry, I know it's long and I'm not looking for sympathy or any answers, but that is a bit of a crap year as far as crap years go, don't you think?

OP posts:

coldwed · 17/11/2011 10:34

Sorry you're going through all this, op. I am crap with written advice but I am sure someone will be here shortly to write more.

You're going through more than the average person and I hope it gets better again.

ViviPru · 17/11/2011 10:36

That's rotten - way more than one persons fair share of shit. YANBU.

ZeldaUpNorth · 17/11/2011 10:41

Really sorry to hear you've had to go through so much in such a short time. Our family has also had a really bad year. In January my brother was savaged by a dog, all his arms were ripped to shreds, and as he'd just started a job (Carer) he was let go as he had to have time off then he couldn't lift for a while til his arms healed. Then my cousins little girl fell off her bike and the brake handle went through her leg, had to have an op (luckily she is fine)
Then in April my cat was diagnosed with a cancerous lump had to have an op. Just after that my mam was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. She died in May. :( My Uncle needs a triple heart bypass (2nd one) but can't have one due to having blood clots in his legs (he's on Warfrin -sp) and is getting worse all the time. My Aunty has been diagnosed with Pleuracy (which what they though my mam had initially) so hoping its nothing worse.

On top of all that our overdraft was getting bigger and bigger (just had to get a bank loan to pay it and other debt off)

Really can't wait until this year is over. I said to my nan the other day "I think 2011 is going to kill our family off" she said she hopes not coz she's too young to die! She's 79 lol.

happyclapper · 17/11/2011 10:41

Oh my goodness. I think you are amazing. What you have been through would have broken many people several times over yet you seem to have held everything together and sound like you are in a family who love and care for each other very much.
Try and view the car thing as what it is.....bloody annoying but in the grand scheme of things hey, it would take alot more than that to defeat you.
I know its often the small things that brake the camels back but I am a firm believer that good times WILL come back round when people have periods of struggling and saddness if you are strong enough to hang in there.
Look forward to having a fab christmas which, all things considered may not have happened at all, and start the new year with a triumphant cheer....YOU MADE IT.

NinkyNonker · 17/11/2011 10:42

Crappy, hopefully you've got your share out of the way for now!

wifey6 · 17/11/2011 10:42

I am so sorry to hear of the terrible times you have been through this year...I think anyone (with previous history of depression or not) would struggle to pull positives out of their hat at this stage. What I got from your post...was your strength. Yes you had been through so much...but you & your family are (thank goodness) hear to tell your tale. That's remarkable & by the sounds of it very strong.
I do feel that if you have reached your limit (you have done amazing not to have reached it sooner)...then I would seek counselling again. It will help gain the support & help you deal with all the past year has thrown at you and your family.
I wish you & your family all my best.

LaurieFairyCake · 17/11/2011 10:44

You've had a couple of peoples share of shit haven't you

Hope that next year will be much better for you

You don't have to be positive today - the car thing is the straw that broke the camel - I'm sure your positivity with return, even your post has lots of gratefulness in it.

mustdash · 17/11/2011 10:48

You have had a really really horrible time of it. You know what though, your basic positivity shines through it all. You already know that horrible things can happen to anyone, and you've had more than your fair share recently.

then imagine yourself having one of these

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 17/11/2011 10:50

Yes, you most definitely have had a terrible year, you poor poor things!

I hope things are on the up now and that you have a great Christmas and an even better 2012.

I am sure the car keying must seem trivial in comparison to the horrible illnesses your loved ones have suffered but still I would like to offer and sympathy and a lovely bunch of to hopefully offer a little bit of cheer today.

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 17/11/2011 10:51

forehead · 17/11/2011 11:02

Sending you lots of hugs OP.
A few years ago, my dh and i went through a really bad time. Too many things to mention. I found that having a poitive mental attitude really helped me cope(i accept that this can be extremely difficult)
Going through some difficult circumstances has actually made me a much stronger person and has also made it possible for me to advise you and tell you that things DO get better.

Original poster

NicwNacw · 17/11/2011 11:12

Wow, thank you - just popped off to do some ironing and came back to all your lovely messages. It actually helped just to have a good rant too!!

I know the car thing is really insignificant in the face of everything else, but I've been trying so hard to find a positive reason for everything else I just had this overiding feeling of 'What the bloody hell can I take from that?!'
Not sure that will make any sense to anyone but there you go!!

Dh is currently having a meeting discussing his return to work, so I'm probably feeling a bit jittery about that too, as he will have to ask them to adapt his job description somewhat, as he won't be able to do some of the more physical things in his job anymore.

OP posts:

Original poster

NicwNacw · 17/11/2011 11:15

Oops hit the wrong button! The flowers and hugs helped loads - and Zelda thank you, you made me realise again how lucky we have been not to lose anyone. These are for you x

OP posts:

Proudnscary · 17/11/2011 11:17

I'm really sorry you've had a rough time, be kind to yourself and take care

CailinDana · 17/11/2011 11:43

What an absolutely horrid year! You poor thing. You're allowed to feel angry and upset and god knows you have plenty of reasons to. Don't force yourself to be positive, own your feelings. It must feel very unfair to have so much happen to you in one year. You are no doubt exhausted and frustrated. How is your depression? Do you feel that the counselling and anti-d's have helped?

Contrary to popular opinion forcing yourself to be positive does not cure depression, any more than forcing yourself to walk cures a broken leg. It takes time, just like any other illness. Time now to focus on yourself for a bit and get yourself back on your feet. Exercise does help. Could you fit in some running or swimming in your week? Or maybe a team sport for a bit of social interaction away from the craziness of family life?

forehead · 17/11/2011 12:02

Cailin..it is not about forcing yourself to be positive, it is about accepting that sometimes shit happens, but one cannot allow thet to blight ones future. It is about attitude

CailinDana · 17/11/2011 12:11

So a change in attitude cures depression?

NoobyNoob · 17/11/2011 12:20

Oh that does shoud likle a shit year OP. A really fucking shit year.

I raise a glass (mug of tea, actually!) to you and your family in the hope that the new year brings better memories and happier times x

Abra1d · 17/11/2011 12:20

OP, and other posters: I am so sorry to hear all these runs of bad luck (to put it mildly). I thought we were having a bad year (redundancy, family divorces,) but nothing like this.

I hope the little shits who keyed the car get their just deserts. That's the politest way I can put it.

Sending everyone on this thread the strongest vibes I can.

pleasethanks · 17/11/2011 12:24

That has been a really rough and tough year for you and anyone who dares to say otherwise is U!

Anyone of the things that has happened to you would be hard, but all of them? Well, no one deserves that. I hope you and your family have a good 2012 onwards

Hardgoing · 17/11/2011 12:29

Oh you poor thing, it's awful when you just face one thing after another, and then there's another, and another. I can understand why you feel the car being keyed is just tipping you over the edge (even though in the scheme of things, it's not the worst one).

There's nothing you can do except keep doing what you are doing, which is to keep positive the vast majority of the time. But is also ok sometimes to stop and have a good cry and wallow in how shit everything is, as long as you can then get up again the next day and keep going.

Perhaps, now that you are being treated for depression, you are a bit scared of being normally sad or angry. It's fine to be pissed off if life hands you lemons, and whilst you might normally make lemonade (to coin a corny phrase), sometimes you just feel like jumping on the sodding things.

Hope things get better soon.

ZeldaUpNorth · 17/11/2011 16:25

I didnt mean for my post to say "my life's worse than your's" thats not what i meant, just wanted to vent as i dont really have anyone.

(forgot to add my cat who had the op got the lump back in August had another bigger op in September but died a week later :( )

Original poster

NicwNacw · 17/11/2011 18:24

Excuse rubbish typing, off to a family christening for the w/e. Zelda I didn't take it like that at all - just in a supportive, others are in the same boat kind of way which oddly made me feel much better. I don't think you can positivly think yourself out of depression or that a change in attitude cures it, but it has helped me to focus on the good things that HAVE come about this year - some as a result of what we've been through and others are things that we would have taken for granted or gone unoticed before. It has just made me really appreciate what we do have and appreciate every day.

OP posts:

verytellytubby · 17/11/2011 19:24

What a rubbish time you are having. If it makes you feel better I had the worst year of my life a few years ago. Things are slowly improving but DD will need major open heart surgery at some point. I can only take one day at a time and focus on the positives in my life.

Neenook · 03/12/2011 09:51

Just want to say a massive Thank you to everyone who has posted on here. I've just re-read it and sobbed a bit and marvelled at the kindness and support of total strangers. Just wanted to wish all of you a fabulous Christmas!!

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