to feel like I'm going a little bit mad?

[Newmummytobe79]

I should probably post this in another section but I always find it's a bit more real on AIBU.

I had a bad birth which resulted in an emergency section and struggled to bond with my baby. I handed baby over to the large amount of visitors we had without thinking and didn't enjoy any cuddles at first and felt like all I did was feed and change.

I cried for the first four weeks and really struggled to get my head around the huge responsibility my baby brought.

I'm now nine weeks in and am head over heels in love with my baby and hate the way I felt at first. The first week is a blur and I don't really remember much which makes me feel deep regret.

I have a strong network around me, a fantastic DH and my parents are so wonderful - which makes me feel even more guilt for feeling down. I know others are in far worse situations than me.

Some days are brilliant - others not.

Is this just part and parcel of being a mum or should I be over the blues by now?

I'd say it's only just come back this week and I've started to cry a little again too - especially at the John Lewis advert and I don't know why.

I do find bf a little restricting and when I had 45 minutes away from my baby for a little pampering - I felt like I shouldn't be enjoying myself.

I have a few nights out coming up (without baby) which may make me feel better and more me - but I'm scared I'll just feel guilt.

Do I just need a kick up the bum and to appreciate all the good in my life?

In an ideal world everyone should appreciate all the good in their life but it's not an ideal world. Depression is a very real thing and it is hard to see the good in anything when everything feels on top of you.

Go and see your doctor and explain how you are feeling. It could just be hormones and 'baby blues' but it could also be PND. If it is PND then the earlier you seek help, the easier it should be to get through.

Also, if you're felling down and feeling like you can't cope, don't try and be strong and battle through. Tell people close to you how you are feeling so they can help support you. Asking for help isn't a weakness - it takes a strong person to admit they aren't perfect.

Having a baby is a wonderful thing but it brings an awful lot of shit with it which can be very hard to adjust to.

Good luck.

It sounds like you had a huge shock to the system when your baby was born and now you're in the process of getting over it. It's natural to feel regret about how things went, but the truth is most people don't remember those first weeks very well - they pass in a fog. The fact that you now feel you've bonded with your baby and that you're able to get out and enjoy yourself is very positive, and would indicate that if you were depressed you're coming out of it. Do go to your GP if you're concerned though, they will definitely be able to help. And definitely don't feel bad about having a good time without your baby, that time is absolutely essential for making you a good mum, without it you would completely burn out.

After I had DD I used to cry at adverts too....I also had a bad emergency c section and it took a while to get over it. It's very traumatic.

My DD1 is 7 now and I still cry at random things...but you sound like you're getting over things now and I am so glad you are enjoying your baby now...

you are tres and absolutely normal

Some days are brilliant - others not. Is this just part and parcel of being a mum

no, its part and parcel of life

All sounds completely normal to me. even these weeks will become a blur, looking back, but when you're right in the middle of it, it can be so hard. my friend put it that - it's like a layer of skin has been stripped away from you. everything, from an advert to a glimpse of another baby whilst you're out alone, can set you off. but hang in there, enjoy your baby, talk to your friends. and the gp if you think it's something more serious. sounds normal to me though. it will get easier.

what your going through is normal i felt that when i went out for the night i felt so guilty it will pass your aloud to still have your personalty too.