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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to need to know someone has been here

15 replies

completefailure · 16/11/2011 19:33

and come out ok...

i've namechanged for obvious reasons.

had some issues regarding ds, and agrression i.e getting over giddy and slapping people sometimes kids at play group.

recently moved 3 months ago out of my parents to a new house he started PG soon after , loved it! was always told he's been fine.
Then a few weeks back he started beinf anxious about going, more clingy when DD dropped him off usually he was never bothered at all. And the worst more aggressive, an incident every week. It seems to be either slap if a kid has taken a toy off him or getting really, really giddy.
I'm really upset about as someone who suffered severe bullying throughout life.
When I mention it to people its hard to talk about, but on top of that noone seems to have had this experience at all just to make me feel like an alien. Sad

just want to cry I am in no way aggressive with him so I dont know where its come from

OP posts:
Witchofthenorth · 16/11/2011 19:40

how old is DS?

Georgeous · 16/11/2011 19:47

Oh dear, your name says it all, you feel a complete failure. Please don't be so hard on yourself. My DD was a nightmare starting preschool after we moved house and a baby brother was born. She didn't slap anyone but found it really hard to settle and was very anxious and insecure. How old is your DS? My youngest is 2 and sometimes hits. I always make him apologise and explain that it's not acceptable - but I think toddlers are just sometimes aggressive and lash out if they haven't got the words to express how they feel. They don't need to have witnessed violence to behave like this.....

Have a look and see what has changed in your son's life that might be making him feel stressed. Also, monitor what he's watching on TV (I'm sure you do anyway). Reassure him, and be consistent with the message that it's ok to be upset/angry, but not ok to hit. You also say that he was fie before and then suddenly got anxious about going - there must be a reason for his sudden change in behaviour, once you can unravel this I am sure you'll be on the way to solving the problem. Good luck!

Original poster
completefailure · 16/11/2011 19:49

He's 2 he doesnt say sorry yet otherwise I would, just 2

OP posts:
Original poster
completefailure · 16/11/2011 19:50

we have considered maybe a kid he doesn't like??

OP posts:
EauRouge · 16/11/2011 19:51

My DD1 went through a hitting phase. It is bloody horrible, you end up feeling guilty and wondering where you went wrong. It was just a phase, I tried to talk with her about why she was hitting but she was 2.5yo and couldn't verbalise what she was feeling. I tried to teach her to stamp her feet and say "I am cross" but she never really got the hang of it. I avoided playgroup for a little while until she was better. It only lasted a few months, although it felt like a bloody lifetime.

You are not a failure. This happens to lots of toddlers. Pre-empting bad moods can help, make sure he gets plenty of sleep, a decent diet and lots of exercise. A run around the park can do wonders for bad moods, yours and his.

DoingMyVeryBest · 16/11/2011 19:52

Don't worry! If he's young enough for play groups he's still learning how to behave and testing boundaries.

Please don't think he will grow up to be a bully. Rather just talk to him about it, ask why he hits (or whatever) and give him some idea of what he should have done instead. Reward him lavishly for days (or sessions) of wonderful behaviour. He's very normal.

That's my opinion, for what it's worth!

Witchofthenorth · 16/11/2011 19:53

Georgeous has posted what i was going to say much more eloquently (sp?) than I would have managed :) The problem with toddlers is that most of the time they have no idea how they can express themselves properly, and with regards to the toys its probably as simple as him being miffed that someone has taken his toy from him. He just hasnt formed the proper thought process to say "oh gosh, why did you take that car from me when you could see i was clearly playing with it? I find you to be terribly rude!" so instead gives the other child a slap! (which i am sure some of us wish we could still get away with such behaviour Wink).
Listen, dont beat yourself up about this, take georgeous' advice. You are not a failure, and you will come out the other side :)

lifechanger · 16/11/2011 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Witchofthenorth · 16/11/2011 19:55

and BTW....its a perfectly normal behaviour pattern.....stop worrying :)

DoingMyVeryBest · 16/11/2011 19:55

Sorry - just 2! Probably a little to young for 'that chat'! Do what the others say, and really don't worry.

You are not a failure because you love him and you're doing your best for him. Take pride in that.

whackamole · 16/11/2011 19:55

If it's any consolation, my two 2 year olds (nearly 3) slap/bite/pinch or generally act like little shits if they don't get their own way or the other one takes the thing they are playing with. I just try and remove the offending child before it escalates into a full-on fight.

Has your son played a lot with other children his own age prior to going to playgroup? If not I'd be inclined to say this is totally normal behaviour for a child his age, and although not attractive, he can and will grow out of it. FWIW, my two are much much better at nursery than they are at home, not sure if that is because there is rarely only one of everything, if they are watched more closely, or because they don't really play together.

The giddiness I can't help with - do you mean he sometimes capers about a bit and acts a bit mad? If so, again normal I'd say.

Please don't feel like a failure.

SleepyFergus · 16/11/2011 20:06

My DD went trough a brief spell of biting, mainly me but she did do it once at nursery which put the fear of god in me. I didn't want it to escalate. She was approx 21 months.

I got a book from Amazon called 'teeth are not for biting' and within a few days she stopped biting. It's a simple board book, about 10 pages explaining that teeth are for chewing, for smiling but tbe over riding message is that 'teeth are not for biting, biting hurts - owwww!' it also explains why you might want to bite ( if your teeth are sore or if you're upset etc) and offers other alternatives, like a hug.

It's an American book but easily works over here. There are about 8 diff books in the series, including 'hands are not for hitting' - maybe worth a shot?

Original poster
completefailure · 16/11/2011 20:40

thanks for messages Its nice to hear some people have had this,
EauRouge i totally relate such horrible feelings.

No he has missed out on socialisation due to no kids his age in friends or family circles. {sad}

OP posts:
rollonchristmas · 17/11/2011 10:02

Any tips on how to stop it?

saying no firmly just seems to find it funny.

rollonchristmas · 17/11/2011 10:31

I've had this issue to OP

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