for thinking that becoming adult should require more than just turning 18?

[Kladdkaka]

Because if I hear 'I'm an adult now, I can do what I like' one more time from my selfish, ungrateful brat of a daughter, I'll wring her bloody neck!

Oh dear. Have a rant, let it out.

It's a glorious opportunity actually. Time to introduce her to the flip side of 'doing what I like' by introducing some adult-style responsibilities. Things like 'paying your way', 'living independently', 'getting a job' (even if still studying there are acres of evenings and weekends to fill) and 'not expecting others to catch you when you fall'. Watch those eyes roll.....

buy her this

She actually told me that I have no more say in this house than her because I don't pay the mortgage, Mr Kaka does! Therefore I have no right to tell her off for going into my bedroom.

And ...

The only reason I want to borrow her unused moblie (provided by the hospital) is because I'm too lazy to go there and sort one out for myself. Conveniently forgetting that the only reason she had one was because I drove her there and back (a 3 hour round trip) every week, sometimes 2 or 3 times, for the past 4 years.

And ...

She does pay her way, because she gives Mr Kaka £20 a month. Whereas I give him nothing.

What a cheeky, ungrateful sounding little minx!

I feel for you!

Is she still studying for A Levels or is she working/post-school?

She is showing a huge amount of disrespect for you as her mother and all (i'm assuming) you've done for her.

Can Mr Kaka back you up on this and tell her not to be so bloody rude otherwise she'll be out on her ear?

She sounds terribly mature, Kladdkaka

Any chance of her moving from home soon?

She's still at school. They don't finish until 19 here.

In her defense, she does have AS. But that's not really a defense because so do I and I wouldn't have dreamt of saying that to my parents.

Ah, I was 18 when I left school in Sweden, but I suppose that was under the old system where you could start Yr 1 a year early if you were born late in the year and your parents wanted it. So my parents didn't have to spend too long with my only-just-adult self.

Looks like you'll have to be firm then. Get Mr Kaka to back you up, point out that you are contributing to the family in countless other ways, spell it out, ask if she would like to take over your job.

I think she is actually not feeling very adult at all - or she wouldn't be saying these things. Insisting that she is an adult making a contribution to the family because she pays her dad 20 quid is pretty immature (though 18 year olds are immature so I do not mean that nastily - just that she needs to learn!). Maybe you could sit her down and tell her some of the bigger things you have 'contributed' to in the past 18 years of her life and point out that you do deserve a little more respect from an adult daughter than she is currently showing you!

I have some sympathy with her though, because I think insisting that she's very adult is a natural way to act - she is drawing the wrong conclusions about what being an adult is about (clue: it's not about paying 20 quid to your dad as your contribution to family life!), but she thinks she is being adult and that is what she is meant to be thinking right now.

Sounds like you need some adult rules to come in. Being respectful to the people you share a home with and not behaving like a toddler has to be #1. Adult is as adult does.

I had a sister just like that. And she had a daughter just like that. And my niece gave my sister the identical same hell which my sister had given my mother and I had no sympathy at all.

But heigh-ho, my mother is dead, my sister is older than I and I am near retirement, and my niece is showing signs of middle age . . .

I would be replying that, as she is now an "adult", with as much "say" as she likes, she can do her own washing, cooking, cleaning, and every other job that you have done for her over the years.

I took her cat to the vets this afternoon for vaccinations (and paid the bill). I didn't think it was fair to make the cat the suffer. She got upset because she wanted to come too and 'you're not letting me'. I said I had no problem with her attending the appointment too afterall she is an adult and can do what she likes.

I did however have a problem with her borrowing the unused seat in my car, afterall the only reason she doesn't have one is because she's too lazy to sort out lessons, a test and working to buy one for herself. This may seem unfair to her, but I'm an adult and can do what I like.:o

She's in her room sulking now.

ha ha ha oh boy, this sounds like my house except its ds1 (19) in mine who seems to think mums do everything by right and that money grows on trees!