Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my 11 year old have an fb account?

18 replies

Ipomegranate · 16/11/2011 13:56

DS has just started Y7, we've just moved to the area from overseas so he doesn't know anyone and finds it fairly difficult to make new friends. Nearly all of his peers are on it and it seems the school are quite encouraging of fb & twitter use.

I've always felt very strongly about kids not being on fb and have never been able to get past the lying about their age to join thing. He loves going on his DS and the pc to play things like Pokemon online and both DH & me have concerns about who he chats to on these sites as it is. He's very computer savvy but totally immature socially, he was banned from Club Penguin a couple of years ago after downloading a cheat from YouTube and really couldn't understand what he'd done wrong when we tried to explain to him. However when he finds making friends hard enough I don't want to alienate him further by him being the only one in his class not on fb.

Perhaps my post should be AIBU in feeling disgruntled that all other parents are so relaxed about the age limit on fb?

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 16/11/2011 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth · 16/11/2011 13:59

They aren't allowed them until age 13 anyway, unless you lie about age

BeerTricksPotter · 16/11/2011 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bugsy2 · 16/11/2011 14:07

If you supervise it, then it shouldn't be a problem.

My two are both on facebook and it has been a really good exercise, as we talk about postings & appropriate comments & just chat about it generally. DS posted that he wanted to slap one of the ex-factor judges because they were so annoying. Immediately, I got him to delete it & explained why that was a really, really inappropriate comment to make on a public forum (as well as generallly)! Our computer is in the family room as well, so it is not as though they are up in their rooms doing it on their own.

So there could be an argument for allowing him to sign on, but only as long as you do it with him.

mumofthreekids · 16/11/2011 14:13

One solution is to let him have a FB account on the condition that you are FB friends, not only with him, but with all his FB friends as well. So you can keep an eye on who is befriending him.

ExitPursuedByaBear · 16/11/2011 14:18

My DD (12) has facebook but I have her access so can monitor exactly what is going on. I am also her 'friend' on Facebook so can see it from both sides.

Personally I hate the bloody site and fortunately DD is not all that bothered about it (she hasn't been on for over a week now) but it does give you an insight into the lives of teens/preteens.

cory · 16/11/2011 14:18

I never got a chance to say no to ds: his older sister cut in with "don't be riduculous, you know they are only for 13+".

Original poster
Ipomegranate · 16/11/2011 14:20

Ruby - no we're in the UK, we've moved back from overseas. I don't really want to spend my time supervising his use of a social networking site that no one his age should be on anyway. And my worry is that he's just not socially aware enough. I have my own fb account set to the highest privacy settings I can but even today I posted a status which I wanted to hide from some family members - I went to customize it and found the setting had gone to 'public' by default.

And I still struggle with the lying about their age - how do you explain it to your kids if you allow them to be on fb.

BTP - thanks, I think I'll raise my concerns with the school as no one in Y7 is old enough for fb.

OP posts:
Hatwoman · 16/11/2011 14:25

my 11 year old is on fb - I was quite nervous at first but it gives a very concrete focus to all the on-line safety and respect conversations - they become real not hypothetical - and kids are much better at "getting" real stuff. . I also think it's actually had the effect of catching her early - she's friends with dh, and doesn't care if I look over her shoulder and ask her what she's doing. she posts pictures of cute kittens, collages of photographs, bits of art/design she's done using various apps. It's pretty gentle stuff. I might be wrong but I think this gentle intro might actually be better than getting into it later - when hormones/exam stress/boyfriends/general teen arguments etc are rampaging

Lizmundo · 16/11/2011 14:43

Hi Ipomegranate, I don't know whether it'll be of interest to you, but i've just got my blog accepted at mumsnet where i'm looking into websites for children & teens. If you want to take a look at it, go to www.mumsnet.com/bloggers-network and search for "social net research". There are a few other blogs on there by other bloggers on this subject too. Hope this helps :)

Bugsy2 · 16/11/2011 15:01

Pomegranate, a bit of time supervising now could be time well spent. He'll be on it in two years anyway, so if you provide some guidance now, it could save a whole lot of headaches later - IFYSWIM.

Original poster
Ipomegranate · 16/11/2011 20:23

But what sort of message am I giving him by saying it's ok to lie about his age? Is he then going to think that it's ok to say he's 18 and stumble on hard core porn sites etc?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ipomegranate · 16/11/2011 20:24

Thanks Lizmundo, that is interesting.

OP posts:
Lizmundo · 17/11/2011 09:21

with that virus thing on facebook that's been on the news, they'll end up seeing porn images on facebook now too. Loads of my friends had them on their newsfeed where people on their list had clicked on links on facebook thinking it was something else! :o

Bugsy2 · 17/11/2011 09:37

The message, I hope I am giving my two is that facebook is a useful tool that needs to used carefully. They can sign up to it when they are 13 anyway, so if I get a year or two in first to monitor what they are up to & chat about it generally, then hopefully my influence will help them when they are old enough to do it on their own.
I have full parental controls on our computer at home, so it is unlikely that mine could access any hard core porn sites they clicked on accidentally. However, if they did, we would talk about it. When they are on the computer, I'm there too & whilst I am not constantly peering over their shoulders, I have an eye out for what they are up too. The most "naughty" thing they've done to date is to check out the biggest fart sounds on youtube.
I also have a very comprehensive virus checker & debugger installed, so have yet to have virus problems - touch wood.

Lizmundo · 17/11/2011 15:18

Sorry I just realised I posted a grinning face at the end of my last post, it was meant to be a shocked face! oops! sorry! Shock

vess · 17/11/2011 15:43

I gave up last year and let DS, then 10, have a fb account. We, too, had just moved back to the UK from overseas, and he was lonely. Besides, nearly every kid he knows is on it. He is now in y7 and the novelty has worn off, so he hardly ever goes on fb. Luckily he isn't into online chat - not very keen on writing as he's dyslexic (now that's one plus of being dyslexic Grin)

Yankeecandlequeen · 17/11/2011 16:34

In your circumstance I would give a FB account. As the other poster mentioned be a "friend" on it & know the passwords etc....

New posts on this thread. Refresh page