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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with my friend for medicating my son without permission?

44 replies

shootfromthehip · 16/11/2011 11:23

Ok, I have several issues really, but first some context...
My friend was looking after my kids for me to go to work. No2 child had a cough, a rather sporadic but bad cough. I asked her if she would still have him or if she wanted me to take the day off? She said that her son had a cough too and so she was fine to have him. When I picked my kids up that night, No1 child tells me that she had been given calpol (she was not ill) because she wasn't feeling well (she is a wee actress). I then say that I am suprised that my firend didn't tell me this. DD then says 'but at least I didn't have a shot on the puffer'.

My friend's son has asthma and when my DS started to cough, she let him have a puff of her son's inhaler. And she didn't tell me. DS also has a history of allergic reactions to medicine and so I was understandably furious. When I spoke to my friend, she said that it wasn't a big deal as all it does is open the airways and she lets her other children use it when they have a cough.

I was angry that a) she gave DD calpol that she didn't need, b) she medicated my son with medicine that he wasn't prescribed c) she didn't tell me about either and d) she thinks that she hasn't done anything wrong.

AIBU? If not, what do I do about it as she is now not talking to me at all. Understandably I have made other childcare arrangements (after my tears on my part/ working mum guilt etc). Your thoughts' please...

OP posts:

MollyintheMoon · 16/11/2011 13:32

smellslike and grey your reaction would be appropriate if the op's friend was deliberately trying to harm children.

But she wasn't. She genuinely thought she was being helpful. She was misguided but hey ho let's burn her at the stake.

Original poster

shootfromthehip · 16/11/2011 14:07

Her motives were pure, her actions were silly. Just spoken to her about it and it's sorted out. I was clear about where I stood and my reasoning but equally had to accept that she didn't mean anything mean by it and that I had been rather 'forwards' in putting my point across for which I apologised. Interesting though to see how different the opinions are.

OP posts:

babybythesea · 16/11/2011 14:08

I think, with the Calpol, I wouldn't have minded. I have given my dd calpol, I know it's not a problem for her, and I'd probably just as happily give my mates kids calpol too. But we have a really close friendship, and we have eplicitly said that it's ok for us to give out calpol to each other's kids - I trust her to recognise signs of needing it in my dd just as she can see whether her own children need it or not.
But if my friend had given my dd a puff on her kid's inhaler, I'd have been annoyed. It's handed out by the doctor, not given over the counter, for a reason. And with a background of reactions to medication, it could have been serious.
But then I did spend yesterday afternoon at the doctors with a child who had an allergic reaction (totally unprecedented, she's never reacted to any medication before) to an over-the-counter medication. No major problems, but it was a bit alarming when her eyelids started to swell slightly and go very puffy.

Bad judgement on her part.

BogsDollocks · 16/11/2011 14:25

YANBU- i'd be seriously pissed off at giving the inhaler full stop. Not so much the calpol, but i'd be annoyed if she hadn't told me she'd given it- what if i'd then given some more soon after picking my child up? Probably would be fine, child won't die etc etc, BUT reactions can happen. Her attitude to the inhaler is very cavalier. I don't think I know many people in real life who wouldn't at least be mildy annoyed with their kid being 'given a puff' when the inhaler isn't prescribed for them.

Your friend does sound a bit dim. It doesn't take 5 minutes to call you and ask you if it's okay to give some calpol. She might be a mate, but i'd question her ability to be on the same page as you with regards to looking after your DC- i'd worry that she wouldn't tell me other stuff that had gone on during the day. Second suggestions to find and pay a trained childminder for peace of mind.

Dialsmavis · 16/11/2011 14:30

If I trusted a friend enough to look after my DC I wouldn't think anything of them giving Calpol and would be pretty cross if in the reverse situation they got shitty about me doing the same. It wouldn't bother me about the inhaler either.... BUT My DC do not have a history of bad reactions to medication so it is totally different. If she knew that then YANBU, if she didn't then YABU for not telling her something so important.

Minus273 · 16/11/2011 14:39

Calpol wouldn't bother me so much as its OTC and may be needed without warning.

However giving someone prescribed medication that is prescribed for someone else for me is a complete no no. I'm glad he is OK but it doesn't make giving him the salbutamol OK.

Original poster

shootfromthehip · 16/11/2011 14:40

She knew that. Calpol isn't the real problem- don't think DD needed it but it's not the end of the world. The inhaler was the problem.

OP posts:

SmellslikeDEMONcatspee · 16/11/2011 14:41

MollyintheMoom, no, misguided is telling the OP at pick up, 'oh by the way I gave X and Y, thats ok isn't it'

From my reading of the OP she didn't inform her that?s not misguided it's reckless.
Misguided is seeing the OP POV and understanding that others might not feel the same way.

But hey ho what the hell after all it is only giving a prescribed drug to someone else?s child, one that can cause serious side effects.

My anger would be as much for what the friend had done as to the possible risk/danger she; that is the friend, has put herself in.

What if this child did have a reaction? A serious reaction, what then?
She could easily have been prosecuted, at the least social services would have to be involved.

As for the Calpol, you all do realise that this is paracetamol, right yes it is one of the safest pain killers on the market, but still a drug.

HalfTermHero · 16/11/2011 16:15

YANBU. Your friend was out of order on every count mentioned. Probably best that you don't let her look after your children again.

TruthSweet · 16/11/2011 16:37

YANBU to be upset your friend gave your children that a)is not prescribed to them and b) wasn't needed.

I have asthma and am prescribed Ventolin (salbutamol). If I take too much I have heart palpitations and feel all wobbly and strung out (by too much I mean more than 2 puffs).

DD1 had to be given strong anti-histamines as a baby when she had her first asthma attack as she got so high on the ventolin she needed knocking out (was dragging herself down the ward at 5am as she couldn't sleep but was too wired to stop).

How did she know your son wasn't going to have an allergic reaction to the ventolin (especially as it is inhaled into the lungs!!) or any other kind of reaction to it?

Bit worrying she doses her other children with it though. We knew DD2 had asthma (long term night cough) but no way was I going to give her a puff even though the other 4 members of our family have a prescription for it until she got a prescription of her own (then we share them willy nilly as I'm not carrying 5 inhalers and 3 spacers on a trip to the shops).

lisianthus · 16/11/2011 16:39

Yanbu re the inhaler, as your child has a history of adverse reactions. Her intentions might have been good- her behaviour was reckless and very silly. If you apologise, she is going to take it as acquiescence with what she did.

cory · 16/11/2011 16:42

Surely the fact that Ventolin is a prescription drug should have told your friend not to go handing out to other people's children. If it was safe for everybody it would be on sale down the supermarket.

Casserole · 16/11/2011 17:51

YANBU and I can't believe anyone thinks you are!

sparkle12mar08 · 16/11/2011 18:05

I would be fucking livid if this happened to my children! But then I don't have 'friends' who are so bloody stupid as to give prescription only drugs to children ffs! It would have to be a rock solid friendship for me to forgive such idiocy tbh, and I would certainly never forget it either.

ihatecbeebies · 16/11/2011 18:15

I don't think you are overreacting at all, I'd be furious if it was me, why is she now not talking to you as if you're in the wrong, she should be apologising!

TruthSweet · 16/11/2011 18:15

Exactly cory. It's prescription only meds not smarties!

birdsofshoreandsea · 16/11/2011 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peanutmakinalistncheckinitwice · 16/11/2011 19:49

YADNBU to be annoyed that your child was given a medication that has not been prescribed for him and for a condition he does not have.
Regarding the calpol, I think if your friend was trusted to care for your children and at that moment felt it appropriate to give over the counter medicinethen this is ok. She should have told you when she gave it and how much.

RomanKindle · 16/11/2011 20:58

Tbh I don't see the problem with Calpol in the correct dosage. Even if your dd does sometimes pretend to need it how was your friend supposed to know if that time she was genuinely in pain or not?
As for the inhaler - reliever inhalers can be useful for croupy coughs but I wouldn't give one to a child who hadn't had it prescribed. It was especially silly if your friend was aware of your ds's history with allergies.

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