to bring my Mother down a week before my EDD to help out?

[lottielou39]

this is our third baby- we have older children aged 8 and 11. Due date is in a couple of weeks. I'll be 38 weeks this weekend.
I've not had the most easy going relationship with my Mother, so I'm really not sure it's the best idea to have her down here for a week or three, to be on call for when I go into labour, but I'm also worried about being in my own when I go into labour during the daytime (husband has a 90 min commute into London) and worried about what will happen if I go into labour overnight (cant imagine phoning any of my local friends at 2am to be honest)
My Mother lives 250 miles away, so can't get here quickly. The idea is for my husband to pick her up next weekend, when I'll be 39 weeks, and bring her back with him. She's 75, so would much prefer this option to a long distance train journey. (although this idea is fraught with potential problems, in case I went into labour whilst he was halfway up the motorway picking her up).. not sure what to do for the best really. I do have a number of contacts for both girls, for when I go into labour, so there are people I can phone. (but not quite the same as relying on relatives), but not sure realistically if I can imagine us dropping off the girls in the middle of the night at a friends house. We've only lived here 5 years so these are not lifelong friends either.
I had both my girls at 39 weeks, so hopefully this one will be a bit early too, but if she's late, it could mean my Mother being around for up to 3 weeks, which freaks me out somewhat. She's getting on a bit, gets stressed and snappy very easily and wouldn't be able to drive me to the hospital during the daytime anyway (not a confident driver and only happy on her local roads in a little car!)... also, I'd be quite self conscious about looking after her whilst she's here, making sure girls were behaving, making sure we had proper meals rather than the 'bung any old thing in the oven and hope for the best' style of cooking I'm following at the moment!
So, do I hope for the best and rely on local friends and have taxi fare ready in case I need to get cab to the hospital in the daytime? (can't drive myself in labour I assume?) Or, do I bite the bullet and take my Mother's help and hope she doesn't drive me mad, or me her?
Help!

apart from the actual having the baby, do you really need someone full time. Your girlsare an age where they would understand being woken up in the night, and at that age used to sleepovers.

Will your dh not get maternity leave for a couple of weeks after the birth?

When i had my second i had an elcs so we got a cleaner in for 3months which helped me out with the house.

no, the purpose of her coming down would be to be on call when I go into labour, not for afterwards. Husband will be at home for a week or so afterwards (not sure how much longer, he's self employed IT contractor and they have to take a fortnight at Xmas, so he cant take another fortnight at the start of December (when this baby is due) so he'll probably work from home for a few days.. which should be OK, cos I have pretty straightforward births. Just hope this one is the same!

I'm 38 weeks. I love my mother dearly and it would be useful to have some help BUT i know in the long run she will stress me out more than it's worth if she ends up here for 3 weeks despite the fact she is itching to be here. I'm not sure Dh could really handle it either. She will come after the baby is born to help out. With my first she arrived just before my due date and then i was 2 weeks late and she had to leave when dd was a week old, tbh it was too much i felt like a watched pot. Ds she was here the day after he was born and stayed a lovely week.

My arrangements for labour (supposed to be a homebirth) are for my MIL to collect them from school if it's during the day and take them home or if it's at night for dh to wake them up and take them over to a friends, they are very excited about this. Much as i'd love to leave them in bed, dd is a very light sleeper and once woken would not go back to sleep her presence would totally stress me out.

What help is your mum going to be?

basically, she'll be here all the time, so I wouldn't have to get the girls to babysitters at short notice. Apart from that, I'll be doing the housework/cooking etc.

Could you arrange for a friend to come and pick them up? I can't believe how many people that i don't even know that well have offered every one seems to love the excitement of a new baby. Really only you and your dh can decide what arrangement you are most comfortable with.

Well is she is an able bodied 75yo, there is no reason why she cant help out with the cooking and housework.

Has she considered getting the coach to you? My mum at that age would get the National Express and we would pick her up at the station. It is a heck of a lot cheaper than petrol costs and takes roughly the same amount of time. Nat Exp also go from most small towns, so she could get a short taxi ride to the coach stop.

Look talk to your local friends. My ex-next door neighbour came over at 4 in the morning when I had DC3, we probably came very close to getting my new next door neighbour instead, as things happened so fast (and we'd only been in the house 2 months).
If you don't have that good a relationship with your mother then don't get her down. I was bone wearyingly exhausted in the last few weeks of pregnancy, so much so that DH drove me the 5 minute walk into town for a job we had to do, I walked for 2 minutes and then had to have a nap when we got home. I certainly couldn't have coped with having someone I would have to look after around.
Could you employ a very short term Au-pair or Nanny?

I for one would be willing to run you into hospital, take your kids for a few hours etc. I am sure your local friends would too.
I have also once had to dump my kids on a distant friend (closer friends were very busy) whilst I took my DH to hospital once. I also had a neighbour give me a lift home from hospital once when we couldn't contact DH (and I had a badly sprained ankle). So I try to help others when needed.

I looked after a friend's two girls recently whilst she was in labour. They are much younger than your two but me and another friend of hers were both 'on call'....including for the middle of the night. Incidentally if she'd called in the night I'd have driven to hers, crashed out on the sofa, and if her husband wasn't back by morning have taken her two back to my house before my husband left for work. During the day the plan was I'd have put my two in the car and gone over there or her husband would have driven them to our house if back in time. As it happened it was the weekend so they drove them to our house.

She had both of us on standby so that any last minute problems / someone out for the day etc wouldn't be an issue.

It seemed to work fine. I think most friends are only too happy to help out even if you haven't known them years and years (both me and the friend I helped out have only lived around here 3-4 years, so haven't known each other that long)

I know how you feel, not wanting to put upon anyone, but as others have said people really do like helping out for this event. It's exciting for everyone. Our DD stayed with neighbours who we'd only known for a year, so even less life-long than yours. But we had so many offers from people, even ones who we'd spoken to half a dozen times in that year of living here. Honestly, let your local community or DCs' friends' parents help - they really will enjoy being involved in the addition of a new person to the area.

*Caveat - unless they're all weirdos who you wouldn't trust with your goldfish, never mind your child

my gut is telling me I'll probably (hopefully) go into labour when my husband is around like the last two times, and to rely on friends; my Mother would probably do my head in, especially if she was here for 3 long weeks.