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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About school photos?

52 replies

MincePieFlavouredVoidka · 16/11/2011 09:46

Both DS's had their photos taken at school, individually and one together.

So we are buying everyone (both dh and I have divorced parents and grandparents who want photos) a small one of the together one as its come out really nice. DS2's photos are not great so we are not buying that. I also wanted the one of DS1 as thats come out very nice and its his last at primary.

MIL saw that we are buying DS1's photo for ourselves and said that she would like one too. I explained that we were buying the couple one for everyone, bust she insist she wants an individual one.

I said I would order her one if she wanted to pay for it. She now isnt speaking to me (which is a result!) because I was cheeky enough to ask her for the money. DH is cross that I have upset his mum.

Now she is a bit of a loon at the best of times, but was I being unreasonable to ask her to pay. DH is Self Employed and things are a bit lean at the moment so money is tight and she knows this. Her argument is that we are buying one and its selfish just to buy for herself. I was sure I wbu but now I am doubting myself.

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 16/11/2011 09:48

Ah the school photos. YAdefNBU.

We used to buy the multipack photos where you get different ones of different sizes. Until family started complaining that X got a bigger photo than them... etc etc so now we just buy for ourselves and they get nothing.

It was way too much hassle.

Spero · 16/11/2011 09:49

Even if you were unreasonable in asking her to pay which I don't think you are, it is utterly unreasonable and bonkers to not be speaking to you about it. For the sake of a photo she will now jeopardise her relationship with the real child??

I just don't understand people most of the time. Seems like everyone would rather be 'right' than happy.

wigglesrock · 16/11/2011 09:58

Ah, school photos - I didn't buy any last year. Can you buy the single photo of DS1 as her Christmas present?

I know its annoying and money is tight but I personally think its a bit much to ask her to pay, I wouldn't but then my mil does a load of babysitting etc for us and I tend to buy her bits and pieces as she won't take any money. She looks after the baby one day a week.

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 16/11/2011 09:59

YANBU. She is being very silly. You explained what you were doing clearly enough.

:)

RantyMcRantpants · 16/11/2011 10:01

Photocopy the one you get and give her that Grin

YANBU.

Stupid woman (her, not you)

chickensaregreen · 16/11/2011 10:03

Do they not have an online version? It's great at our school now. All our photos are online. There is a password for the school and then an individual number for each photo. Give the number to family and they can order for themselves!

Original poster
MincePieFlavouredVoidka · 16/11/2011 10:03

Wiggles - the photo of both boys will be her Christmas present, the same as everyone. If I buy her one what about everyone else? We just cant afford another 6 lots of photos.

OP posts:
Original poster
MincePieFlavouredVoidka · 16/11/2011 10:05

No, no online version.

She wouldnt use it even if there was. She thinks she shouldnt have to pay. Thats why she isnt speaking to me, because I asked.

OP posts:
Spero · 16/11/2011 10:11

I would just enjoy the silence, as long as it lasts. Don't you dare go seeking her forgiveness.

BeerTricksPotter · 16/11/2011 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2rebecca · 16/11/2011 10:19

If she really wanted the photo then I don't understand why she wouldn't pay for it. It seems an odd thing not to speak to someone about. We stopped sending school photos when the kids got older and digital photography took over. I just email people good photos of the kids.
In future make sure you don't discuss the school photos with her at all, it sounds as though you included her too much in the discussions rather than just presenting her with a photo at xmas.
The other option is as others have said to make the extra photo a xmas present instead of another present.
Saying you would like a photo but not being willing to pay for it seems odd to me, it's like "I really want that photo... but not that much, I only want it if it's free"

fedupofnamechanging · 16/11/2011 10:22

Don't buy more than one copy of each photo - buy one, scan it on your printer and print it off on photography paper.

Your mil is wrong to expect you to pay for something that she wants, when money is tight for you. school photo's are bloody expensive.

Original poster
MincePieFlavouredVoidka · 16/11/2011 10:25

She isnt speaking to me as apparently 'I am stopping her being close to her gs1 by not buying this photo for her'

I did say she was a bit of a loon. She does have some issues!

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 16/11/2011 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spero · 16/11/2011 10:30

Crikey. Issues much? Sounds like she was just looking for handy peg upon which to hang her coat of looniness. If it wasn't this it would be something else. Just try to be as nice to her as you can bear but ignore these kind of tantrums. She s unlikely to grow up anytime soon so your only remedy is to rise above it.

chickensaregreen · 16/11/2011 11:12

Blimey, she sounds bonkers!

Offer to send DS1 to her in person for her to stare at for as long as she wants. Overnight if necessary!

proudfoot · 16/11/2011 11:27

She sounds an utter loon. YANBU.

startail · 16/11/2011 11:29

UANBU, school photos are an absolute rip off.
In these days of digital cameras they should chuck all of a families different poses and groups on one CD for £10.
DHs parents are sadly no longer with us, so I have the opposite problem a lot of the packs mean I buy photos I don't want.

2rebecca · 16/11/2011 11:38

Agree the photo issue sounds irrelevent and she is just unhinged. There is no relation (to most sane people) between how close you are to someone and how many photos of them you have. I have no photos of my dad, but several of dead grandparents scattered around the house (mainly having been left photos of them, I'm not a coat the house in photos person). I don't do seances.

Chundle · 16/11/2011 11:39

Ok here's what I did last year. I bought one photo I scanned it in at home in high resolution so it was about 7mb and uploaded it to boots photo online shop and ordered large reprints and they did it for me! Cheaper easier and it got round the copyright!
But on your issue yanbu! You could in future just buy the cd of the photos and email them to everyone and let them print there own. People are so ungrateful these days

Lyndipops · 02/12/2011 18:03

Seems you are the Ungrateful one Chundle. Scanning and cheating the firm out of revenue.

Cd has a licence on so you can get them printed anywhere.

DeliaSucksStollen · 02/12/2011 18:18

YANBU. Your MIL sounds very childish to not be on speaking terms because of this. What a PITA.
The school photos at my DCs school are stupidly expensive, overpriced IMO and I think the photographers school use are taking the piss a bit. They must be making a tidy profit. I opted for just one and that was the cheapest package and it was still £17.00. I'm doing photos for the family myself and keeping the school one. Are you a decent photographer yourself, and if so do you store your photos on your computer? If so there are some fantastic offers online for enlargements, if you feel inclined!

Esta3GG · 02/12/2011 18:19

Chundle - you haven't "got round" the copyright - you have just ripped the photographer off and what you have done is illegal.
That is how s/he earns a living.

gladders · 02/12/2011 18:23

but our CDs were £29 per photo Shock - no way would pay that.

a CD with all our photos on for £29 and it's a deal.

pigletmania · 02/12/2011 18:24

I would scan it, and e mail it to her so that she can use an online photo company to print it out, thats what we do. Its your photo, you can do with it what you please imo.