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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry that the school think my son is thick?

31 replies

SianFirstTimeMum · 16/11/2011 08:40

My son turned 3 right at the end of August. He started school 2 weeks later (preschool). I went to his first parents evening a couple of weeks ago, only to be told that my son is not as bright as he should be at his age and is behind in everything. He JUST turned 3. They are comparing him with children who are almost 12 months older than him. Knowing he would be the youngest in his class, I made extra effort to teach him to count to 10, recognise his name when written down and we started learning the alphabet.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 16/11/2011 08:45

Did they actually say not as bright? Could they be talking about physical milestones? One of mine was quite slow to get started physically (balance etc). I would ask them to be specific and get advice if nec on how to help. I wouldn't panic. Assessing 3 year olds. Pah! Children do develop at different rates or is that not allowed nowadays?

CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 08:46

they tried to get my son to write with his rigt hand (he is left handed) and told me he was dslexic ......sometimes teachers follow the rules instead of following the child

wastedwaist · 16/11/2011 08:47

YANBU, I would be angry about the labelling of a child who has only been in this envionment for half a term.

You need to know exactly what they mean by 'not as bright' ( a dreadful term and a shockinmg way to describe a child by the way) do they mean his speech, or physically (potty training) or is is something else?

Saying a child is not bright is spectacualrly unhelpful and I would really have expected more from qualified childcare professionals. I would be asking to see their oservations and records and would also be wanting to have a more in depth talk (with the manager/headteacher) about how they reached this conclusion.

I would also be wanting to know what they propose to do to support him.

gordyslovesheep · 16/11/2011 08:49

wow - do your kids go to the same school!?

anyway if they actually said those exact words then yes yanbu - but I am guessing they didn't - I am wondering if they mearly showed you his progress against nationally accepted milestones to give you a guage as to where he sits - and his 'targets' - I have never come accross a pre-school that expected toddlers to all be the same level :)

wastedwaist · 16/11/2011 08:50

also, children are not diagnosed as dyslexic until they they are of reading age, as dyslexia is associated with reading. You would expect a diagnosis around the age of 8. So that again needs to be raised. Telling the mother of a (just) 3 year old their child is dyslexic is shocking

CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 08:53

sorry I mentioned dyslexic not the Op ...

gordyslovesheep · 16/11/2011 08:53

well yes it is - but my bet would be they simply said 'he seems to favour his left hand ... people with dyslexia are often left handed you know' and 2+2 equalled 547487484847 Grin

BluddyMoFo · 16/11/2011 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coccyx · 16/11/2011 08:56

surely a good preschool would acknowledge what difference a few months in age makes with regard to development at such a young age.

natation · 16/11/2011 08:59

3 year olds in the UK in educational settings are taught the EYFS curriculum. All observations and assessment of under 5s are made in accordance with EYFS. I think if you did a bit of research to get to know the curriculum a bit, then if you returned to the school and asked them for all their observations and assessments done so far (they are obliged to make all this available to parents), then maybe you might see where your child is not hitting the "milestones", or alternatively you might find that no assessments have been done at all and they are basing their views on unfounded ideas. EYFS is a great tool if used appropriately - being behind or ahead on just a few things is not a warning indicator, if behind or ahead on almost everything, then that is when to act. If your child turns out to be behind on a small number of issues, it really isn't important, and wouldn't surprise me if you found out your child was ahead in other areas too.

CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 09:01

this isn't my thread but no gordyslovesheep the teacher actually tried to prevent him writing with his left hand. I was gobsmacked I thought that type of thinking went out years ago...I had to say 'i'm left handed' do you think I should start writing right handed

gordyslovesheep · 16/11/2011 09:04

how many years ago? it was common practice once but not now.

I am not doubting you as such - just very aware that many parents grab on to simple things teachers say and blow it out of all proportion (not you as such just generally) :)

CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 09:08

he was in primary one (Scotland) and is now just turned 18 so 13 years ago ?

gordyslovesheep · 16/11/2011 09:10

ahh - well I am fairly sure they would force him to use his right hand now (although I could be wrong!) - never encountered any issues with my 3 - so far!

CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 09:11

It seriously nearly turned into fistycuffs . The teacher saying he should write right handed and me saying no its cool he is left handed

CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 09:12

they would now force lefthanded people to right handed gordylovesheep ?

gordyslovesheep · 16/11/2011 09:12

Ohhhh that's bad - I can understand you beeing pissed off!

SardineQueen · 16/11/2011 09:19

YANBU it sounds like a strange sort of preschool and I wouldn't be happy at all.

Pozzled · 16/11/2011 09:20

OP, can you remember what words the pre-school used? What examples did they give you of where they think your son is 'behind'? If they are judging him against children older than him, that is obviously wrong, and saying 'not as bright' is ridiculous at the age of three.

However, it is possible that they have been assessing him correctly against the EYFS and have a genuine concern (albeit raised in an offensive manner). Are you happy with your son's development, his speech and so on? If he can do the things you mentioned in the OP, recognising his name, then it does sound like he's doing fine for his age. Personally I would be looking for more specific information from the pre-school.

CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 09:23

the OP's child is three .....three ...you can't be thick or clever at three years old ,you are just three .

pigletmania · 16/11/2011 09:24

If those are the words the preschool use I am disgusted that they are writing off a young child like that, I would be looking at another preschool.

gordyslovesheep · 16/11/2011 09:26

No but it could have gone like this 'Hi OP - just assessing him on EYFS standards and milestones, he is slightly behind his peers - nothing unusual...' OP hears 'HE IS THICK' - until she comes back and clarifies it's hard to know

I just do know how easy it is for people to mis hear or not understand what they are told if it's not explained properly

pigletmania · 16/11/2011 09:28

God he is a baby fgs not if school age. Children and adults are nit at the same level academically. Some adults go to uni and digitise degrees some are not able to. To label a child so young is awful

SardineQueen · 16/11/2011 09:30

Thing is gordy preschools especially should be aware of this, it's part of their role and professionalism not to say things that sensitive parents might misinterpret. Our preschool are always super-careful to be reassuring about everything and if there is an issue with one of the children they handle it with tact and reassurance and all the rest of it. It's part of their job IMO, if they are a good preschool, not to scare / upset / worry the parents unduly.

TroublesomeEx · 16/11/2011 09:36

What did they actually say OP?

Teachers don't compare children to other children - not to parents anyway.

It's not like the old days where children get ranked in a class. Personalised learning means that all the teachers are really interested in is the progress the child has made. That is where they are now, compared to where they were then.

This doesn't ring very true to me.