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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to go away with IL's

20 replies

grumpydwarf · 15/11/2011 22:18

I'm sure this has been done to death on here but...... AIBU to not want to go on holiday with IL's? They are overbearing, arguementative and sometimes down right rude. Have been away for a long weekend with them before and DH and them ended up fighting resulting in tears from MIL. When they come to the house they normally start a row within 30 mins of arriving over something stupid! (last time was due to lack of car parking space out the front of our house? sorry didn't realise I should reserve them a space.)

They have decided we should all drive to cornwall next year for 2 weeks and stay in a caravan together or fly to USA together for three weeks! I dont think I could cope with the car/plane journey let alone the time away with them! it started because me and DH were talking about taking DS (6mo now) to see my sister who lives abroad next year and my parents would prob go as well. They adore DS but are masively in my face with criticisms help and also have continuing health problems that flare up on que which they talk about alot and also loudly to strangers in the st!!!

AIBU to say no even though we will prob go away with my parents? I cant really see a way to say actually you drive me insane so I wil go away with my parents but not u! pls help..........

OP posts:

Jaxx12 · 15/11/2011 22:23

Does your other half know how you feel? Cos if he agrees with you then you're quids in and can get out of it!!

Original poster

grumpydwarf · 15/11/2011 22:35

he knows how I feel and gets peed with them nearly as much as I do but thinks it wouldn't be fair to go away with one and not the other. Plus MIL would create merry hell and would be days of wingeing phone calls from both MIL and FIL with tears on her side until he caved!

OP posts:

slavetofilofax · 15/11/2011 22:40

Yanbu.

Tell him you are not prepared to put up with two weeks of torture so that he doesn't have to feel unfair. And fair doesn't have to mean 'the same'.

Original poster

grumpydwarf · 15/11/2011 22:53

thanks slave think i will have to grow a pair and just say no! its either that or be driven mental for two/three weeks! am def not looking forward to that conversation with DH or IL's!

OP posts:

joannita · 15/11/2011 22:54

Agree with slave. YANBU.

If like most people you don't get many holidays it would be a real waste to spend time and money going through torture when you're supposed to be having fun.

Diamondback · 15/11/2011 22:59

Ask your DH to think on how much you argue with his parents when you see them for a day and ask him if he seriously wants that for two weeks...

Can you possibly lie and say you've decided not to go away with your parents after all?

Pickadaytocelebrate · 15/11/2011 23:00

Yanbu. And you're right you need to grow a pair and some backbone and tell your DH and IL's that this is not going to happen.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 15/11/2011 23:01

Whoever told your DH that life was fair? bollocks to fair, why should you waste time and money being miserable just to be "fair" to people you dislike? parents or not, if they're not nice to be with then they're not nice to be with. Life is too short to tiptoe round twats unpleasant people. Maybe if they actually realise that you (as in your family not just you) don't want to spend time with them, they might make more of an effort to be nice. The more you (again familial you) "let" them be miserable gits nasty/argumentative/obnoxious, the less reason they'll ever have to change and it will get worse as your baby gets older.

Jackstini · 15/11/2011 23:01

YANBU
The thing is, you are going abroad for a very specific reason - to visit your sister.
It makes absolute sense for your parents to do the same thing as they will obviously miss her too.
It makes no sense for you to go away with ILs for no reason!

mayorquimby · 15/11/2011 23:04

How does he get on with your IL's?
What would be your reaction if he were to equally grow a pair and say he doesn't want to go on such a long holiday with your parents?

mayorquimby · 15/11/2011 23:05

his IL's obviously. What with them being your parents.
[gobshite emoticon]

Original poster

grumpydwarf · 15/11/2011 23:06

could lie diamond but my dad is awful at lying and would prob tell them not meaning too plus my MIL feels that my mum is her best friend and calls her regularly so would probably notice that they weren't at home for the same period we weren't home! will try to talk to DH but know I will get the same arguements from him "they're my parents... you can't favour one set of GP's... MIL will be upset" blah blah.....

Had big dramatics before DS was born from MIL about how she would be left out and wasn't going to get enough time with DS probably agrevated by the fact that my mum was at the birth to which her reaction on day of DS birth to DH was "well why wasn't i invited, thats not fair on me." sorry love not a spectators sport birth! thats what i have to contend with............

pour myself a large !

OP posts:

Original poster

grumpydwarf · 15/11/2011 23:08

he gets on really well with my parents mayor absolutely adores them so no probs there but I would try and respect his point if they were arse holes difficult like his. problem is ours is a very onsided relationship so far they demand, i say no to DH and eventually get worn down. think its foot putting down time now thou :( god I hate confrontation!

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PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 15/11/2011 23:09

Put your foot down now grumpy or it'll go on for the rest of their lives! This could be the time to make your stand so to speak. Can you bear another 30-40 years of them in you rface/pocket/house/holiday accommodation? Be Strong! Stand Firm! Random Morally Supportive Platitude!

squeakytoy · 15/11/2011 23:10

Go with them....

Make sure you and your husband bicker and argue almost hourly. Try to wind the DS up gently so that they are hyper and whinging..

If they are the type that like rushing around doing things, go as slow as you can.. if they are the type that like going slowly be manic.

I can guarantee... they wont ever ask you to go on holiday with them again

squeakytoy · 15/11/2011 23:12

I also posted that from experience, by the way .

We went away with my stepson, his partner and their 4yo last year, and by the end of the holiday, we needed another one. Alone.

Original poster

grumpydwarf · 15/11/2011 23:12

oh god pombear you have thoroughly depressed me with 30-40 years of them!!!!!! thanks for the support thou.

I just hate the whole arguement of favouring one set of GP's when obviously if people are twunts you will not want to spend time with them and its not really unfair if its their fault!

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Original poster

grumpydwarf · 15/11/2011 23:14

chuckle at squeaky tbh anything I do can probably not beat them when we did go away with them once, waking everyone up at 6 am, FIL refusing to even pick up his own plate and take it to the sink, MIL faffing on everything and rowing for no reason with DH resulting in full on water works and generally be rude about everything!!!

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Catsdontcare · 15/11/2011 23:14

don't do it
Seriously we did it last year and I can honestly say it has forever change my relationship with the in laws. I put on a civil front for dh's sake but quite frankly once the dc's are older I intend to have as little to do with them as possible.

sozzledchops · 16/11/2011 01:07

Was going to say YABU if going away with your parents but on thinking realised I've been there. Been on holiday with Dh's parents several times and had them visit us for up to 5 weeks at a time. They are lovely and good fun. Otoh, my father is a nightmare (i have had a really bad relationship with him) to be with so we avoided any chance of holidays with my parents. Felt bad for my mum as she wasn't the problem and we did join her on holiday in the past but no way could I spend holiday time with my father so on reflection if they are really that bad YAN necessarily BU.

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