to not buy a car?

[tardisjumper]

I moved in with DP over a year ago and everything has been great. We have been together 3 years.

We split everything eually financilly even though I earn slightly more than him. However my commute is longer so it coast a bit more so after all bills have gone out we have the same amount of money left. Where we lived was partly based on the fact that he can't afford to commute much further. This was my idea and I am happy with it.

I have just been offered a new job that will pay significantly more. Not millions but it means that we will be able to afford a car, something we have wanted for a while. However, the new job is even further away and more expensive and he would be using the car to get to work while I continued to get the train.

Chatting last night he revealed that as he can't afford it he expected me to buy the car and he would pay insurance and running costs. I would benefit from it occassionally, but he would use it 99% of the time.

I feel uncomfortable about this as we are not married. If we were or if we had kids what is mine is his. But i don't really want to spend my savings or get a car loan so he can have a car to get to his nearby job while I commute miles and spend loads of money getting to work everyday. He doesn't like borrowing money so really he wants to use savings, which is my (modest) wedding fund.

AIBU to not buy a car at this stage in the relationship?

Don't buy a car for someone else to use. Don't. don't.

If you ever watch Judge Judy, you will see what predicaments women get themselves into by going down this route. I know that the USA laws could be different from ours but the basic result would be the same. Don't buy a car for someone else to have the majority of use.

He's being a bit stupid, isn't he?! You're going further, you're paying for the car, therefore your car in my opinion. Tell him to get the train!

I don't think yabu, if he wants a car he should pay for it himself. They are your savings not his!

trust your proverbial feelings

yanbu, you sound really unsure about buying it which means you dont really want to, so dont!

I can see both sides here. If you buy the car and have yourself registered and the official owner/keeper then there shouldn't be a problem. He can still use it 99% of the time but it belongs to you at the end of the day.

But I would be reluctant to do it in your situation because I don't think you would have any benefit from it and may still end up paying for everything.

Will it make your dp's commute shorter or cheaper?

Thanks both. The thing is his work is 15 min drive away but train commute is 45 min. I hate him being home late and this would solve the situation a bit.

I just want to know if I am being a bit too resentful.

I have been unable to take advantage of employer loans for season tickets as he keeps on threatening to leave his job which would mean we would have to move, which would make the season ticket useless. But still hasn't changed his job! He's set a date of spring this year though so maybe that will change.

Otherwise we have no arguments about money, and I wonder if I am being silly as we are both finanially resp and fair to each other about it.