to be irrationally irritated by how long and when dp chooses to use the toilet?

[JjandtheBeanplusPud]

Every single fucking night, ds just in from school full of energy, dd eager to see him bored from a day without him. Soon tiredness hits them and the arguements and fights begin.

Slightest whiff of this and off he slinks with my ipod touch and disapears, so far tonight its been 1hr 14minutes!!!

He is currently off work due to a serious health issue (mobility wise NOT bowels!)

I ask him time and time again could he please not abandon me at the hardest point of the day EVERY day and he still does this has been since ds was a baby!

He's even started going upstairs as downstairs he can hear them going on and its "annoying"

And he always comes down with a nice dig or criticism about me raising my voice, not having dinner on, letting them watch tv --so I don't lock them in the shed--

He's not usually so frigging frustrating but I feel one day ill just implode with frustration about this petty little thing!

I know I abu but its the same at bath and bedtime too!

YANBU Sounds like selective poohing to me. I have a theory that women pooh opportunistically because we always sit down when we go to the toilet but men have to plan it so they make a right song and dance about it, taking ages, needing reading material or in this case your ipod.

He is definitely choosing this time of day on purpose and taking far longer than is reasonable. As for the rest of the behaviour, it sounds nasty, unfair and unsupportive to you. Will he listen if you have a massive go at him about it? Is there a way you can get through to him?

Dh does this. Every flippin evening he is "bursting" to go to the loo, every evening without fail. So I get them out of coats, unpack bags, do notes for school or start homework, get little ones into pjs. Makes me almost violent....

He is a teenager... and shirking all responsiblity... he needs a good kick up the arse..he has children for goodness sake!!

I don't think it's a petty issue at all. He's showing a huge amount of selfishness and disrepect toward you and your children. That's very serious.

You really need to sort this before the next baby arrives!

When is his op? That should provide a huge break in routine. He needs to not fall back into this pattern after that.

It's really got nothing to do with pooing. Nobody poos for over an hour unless they have serious bottom ishoos which you've said he doesn't.

Really what is going on is that he is abandoning you for over an hour every day right at the point when you need his help most.

How would you feel if he simply walked out of the door at this time of day every day and was gone for over an hour? Because he's basically doing exactly the same thing.

I am by no means defending captain toss pot, he is fantastic other than this 'witching hour' he's always worked very hard and when loosing jobs, as you do being self employed builder, he's traveled far and wide to keep us afloat. He did night feeds for the dc that was FF and when I can't sleep thanks to being an insomniac when pregnant he gets the kids up and leaves me in bed.

There's just something that happens between 3pm and bedtime.

I'm not a huge ipod i-anything fan, he brought it for me --as a pity present-- when my grandma was dying and I was spending huge amounts of time at her bedside whilst she slept.

I understand he's scared, the hip problem is something he had as a child and he was in a very small percent to walk again, its never been heard of to happen twice, it has to him, he's in pain and hates not working, he loves his work and is faced with life in a wheelchair if some small miracle doesn't occur.

But he still needs to get a grip.

I wish I could just sod off but I'm 20min drive from anyone I know down horrid country lanes and I can't drive! Another issue as he's scared "he'll be trapping us" we've also had to move our wedding which actually made him cry.

But I'm still seething with him.

No date for the op yet just a lot of drugs and 3 appointments with specialists, they've vaguely said new year, so don't expect to be walking for the wedding. Tbh with him out of work the doctor suggesting we postponed was a huge help! Plus dc#3 on the way I'd like to enjoy pregnancy/new baby and not worry about a wedding.

There are a lot of issues for him to deal with, I agree. Must be terribly difficult to be faced with loss of mobility, employment and independence with no control over it.

Having said that, it's still not okay for him to swear at you and throw your DCs toys around. He needs to take responsibility for his behaviour, from going to the toilet more quickly (an hour and a quarter, really?) to keeping his temper. Have you tried to discuss this with him?

Okay, you guys need to have a very frank discussion.

Tell him that you know he is not in there pooing -- he is avoiding the most stressful hours of the day.

Ask him why he is doing this. Clearly he has a lot on his mind -- is he afraid that dealing with additional stress at that time will make him snap? Is he just being lazy? What's going on?

Listen to what he says, but regardless, it's not on. It's not fair to you at all.

So instead of your current situation, try to come up with some solution that's workable. Can you take turns with the kids in the evening? One of you does dinner, the other bathtime? Something.

Right now he is being passive-aggressive and you're getting angry. Your son is going postal. You can't keep things like this, it's not healthy for someone who's ailing, pregnant or four years old.

You need to confront this head on and come up with a plan. If he won't do this, then I'm sorry, it doesn't matter what other good things he does, he's a twat.

I honestly think that having a poo is a hobby for DH. He spends FOREVER in there, usually just before I'm about to have a bath (nice) or, my personal favourite, just as his mum pulls up outside. I then have 30-45 mins to chat nicely whilst waiting for him to make an obnoxious stink. It's great.

What has started to cheer me up though is every time he has his 'relaxing Saturday morning poo' DD seems to need one too so he gets interrupted. This cheers me up, I am sad, I know...

At one point he was spending so much time up there that I used to say, 'I'm off for a dump' then set an alarm for half an hour and sit on our bed with a good book, or even sometimes a snooze.. Ha! He still doesn't know that I did this..

So - OP YANBU!!!!!!

Sorry, by taking turns I meant he limits his Angry Bird-a-thons to every other day.

That is just a ridiculous amount of time to spend on the toilet! Make an excuse like "i'm painting the door", remove the lock and make the whole ordeal of pooping an unhappy one! walk in, saying you need to get something, stand about, wash your hands, need to get something for one of the kids etc etc... He will soon learn to go before the kids get home from school!

I know we need to talk, were both guilty of throwing 'blame' and never getting to the root of the issue and laying it to rest.

We've had a hard few years together but came through it stronger, it just seems since we moved in july and soon after he felt the pain start we stopped comunicating effectively.

Dd just told him he's "horrible and yucky, I don't like you I love mummy" great now he thinks I've encouraged that! She's 3 next week!

This has to stop!

He's cooked the kids dinner and is back in the bathroom!!!!!

agree utterly with dreaming. I think you need to get him to come clean that he is avoiding the witching hour, and ask him why this is. And then ask him if he thinks it's fair.

Eurgh. He could get piles sitting on there for that amount of time. Does he put the lid down first or not?

Put a camera in there and see what he does whilst he's sitting there.

Two toilets so he never gets interupted, even now dd is tt, the dcs have a more courteous (sp) poo schedule

love the idea of sodding off upstairs for half an hour but the dcs would look for me

Mrbloom! I have a waterproof camera so that is something I could do!!

Surely you can invent must have some kind of pregnancy poo related issues that could take precedence?