To feel left out?

[Lexie1970]

Hi

I know this makes me sound about 12 but is making me feel miserable :(

We moved out of London in June into a semi-rural area. DS managed last 6 weeks of nursery in a bid to meet some friends before the summer holidays and by exchanging telephone numbers got friendly with 2 of the mums.

DS was due to go to school 3 miles away where two of his nursery friends were going and I had resigned myself to this drive everyday. He did all of his familiarisation sessions at this school. We were also appealing to get hiim into excellent local village school which was 5 minutes walk away. The parents seemed friendly and chatty.

We went on holiday and came back to find DS had been accepted in local school and he started 3 days after everyone else .....

To cut a long story shot expected not to know anybody at school gates but hoped in time that once DS made a few friends then maybe playdates would be arranged and mums would be chatty and friendly.

Now in second half of term, once of his classmates he runs with lives at one end of close we are at the other and I asked his mother if child would llike to come and play after school one evening. Mother said as he had only started going full time after half term it was probably too tiring for him to have a playdate - TBH I find that incredulous and felt a bit snubbed but thought she was just being a bit odd. Parents I have chatted with talk if I go and speak to them but if I am stood on my own they don't seem to 'invite' me to join in chat.

I had loads of friends in London with kids and we met in park, went into each others houses and minded kids for each other so I don't think I am odd

I suppose I am wondering if my expectations are too much it is just starting to hit me that I am feeling isolated and would love to just go for a coffee, talk about I'm a Celebrity you know the normal mundane stuff.

I am trying to find a job and will volunteer to any PTA stuff that comes along but can feel a real case of the miseries coming on :(

Don't feel snubbed by the Mum. Some kids really do get tired after school and if you don't have one you don't realise how much it affects them.

My DD had way more playdates in the afternoon when she was at a morning only preschool last year. Now this term a lot less, although same school and parents.

I think you are probably just rushing things a little but YANBU to feel lonely. It took me 6 months to settle in to our semi-rural area, much easier now it's been a year. However YABU to want to talk about I'm a Celebrity!

Just give it time, why not join a yoga class or similar and make some of your own friends. Look on your local council website for courses. Volunteer at the school to get to know the staff and kids a bit better.

Good luck, this bit IS hell but it does get better.

if I am stood on my own they don't seem to 'invite' me to join in chat.

dont think i was ever invited to chat in about 10 years of playground standing

i either just joined in or didnt.

Try asking some of the other children round to play
I'd bite your hand off if you lived near me

Definately join the PTA and get involved, offer to do reading at the school; as ditzy says, just go up to people and chat and also find something for you so that you are not just relying on your child to make friends for yourself. We have had to move twice in the last year and the only way to make friends is to make the effort yourself .

Awww bless you. Moving house is hard, and to be perfectly honest, I think it takes a looooong time until you feel established.

The problem is that newbies are often not thought of. People have their own friends and routines and it very seldom occurs to them that Mrs Newbie and Newbie Junior might be struggling and feeling a bit isolated.

We moved from Edinburgh to this semi rural little town three years ago and I'm only just starting to find my feet now.

It's hard going OP, but it just takes time. xxx

I think a school setting is much harder to make friends in than a preschool/ nursery setting....
We moved over a year ago to a semi rural area from London and although I chat to lots and lots of people (don't wait to be invited just go over and join in) I still haven't really made many local 'friends' certainly none like the friends I had when my kids were preschoolers.
I am on pta, the kids have loads of playdates, go to clubs, we have joined the local church, I am on the committee for scouts blah blah...everyone is just so busy with life, most of us are back at work. I am certainly not lonely but I do miss the friend who used to show up for a coffee at random times, the easy chats about life and the girly evenings out I used to have.
I have now joined a theatre group and made 'non mummy' friends and attend social events etc with them which has been good.

Mother said as he had only started going full time after half term it was probably too tiring for him to have a playdate - TBH I find that incredulous and felt a bit snubbed but thought she was just being a bit odd.

What's odd about that? You don't know this child so how would you know if he gets tired after a full day of school or not?! Lots of children find the transition to reception exhausting, mine did!

Parents I have chatted with talk if I go and speak to them but if I am stood on my own they don't seem to 'invite' me to join in chat.

That sounds completely normal to me. They will already know each other a bit and may have things to catch up on/common interests. They are not obliged to babysit you. It's normal for the new person to have to make a bit of effort. Just keep at it, it won't take forever until you have common interests with them as well.

I did say at beginning I knew I sounded about 12 :) :) :)

I think it is probably just the difference of not having casual mates. In London I had ex work mates and mummy mates and was quite a happy bunny!

I will carry on and give it time and stop being such a wet blanket!

Lex

You just sound a bit delicate and anxious to me. Sorry if my post was harsh. I've been there, but I was lucky in that I didn't move too far away so could still see my old friends. It will get better though, just keep making an effort (don't do what I did which was too make too much of an effort and look a bit desperate/stalkerish!)