Baby and Wedding?

[handbagCrab]

PFB is overdue and my best friend's wedding is coming up. She planned the wedding before I got pregnant and asked me to be her bridesmaid which I thought was brilliant (I'm the only bridesmaid).

When I first got pregnant I was really up for bringing baby to the wedding but as time has passed and I know a bit more about babies I don't think a whole day at a wedding will be best for him. The oldest he will be is 4 weeks but if I have to wait for induction he'll be 3 weeks.

I planned for my mum to babysit so I could still be a helpful bridesmaid and was plucking up courage to tell my friend when she excitedly started talking about the outfit she's buying the baby to wear for the wedding. I didn't have the heart to say I didn't think it would be good for him to be there.

I've thought of this compromise, is it unreasonable? I haven't asked my friend yet. My mum could bring baby to the ceremony and to have a couple of photos taken and then take baby home. This means baby would be there for about 2 and a half hours. It's a church ceremony and won't cost my friend any extra or cause inconvenience for my mum to be there and they both know each other. I'm planning to breastfeed and to fit this in round the day (it's 15 mins from my house so I can nip home) but again, I don't actually know if this is totally impractical. I don't want baby at the evening do as there will be too many drunk people I vaguely know trying to take the baby and I feel he'll be too small for this.

Or has anyone got any ideas around the logistics of the day that I haven't thought of?

Thanks for your input :)

I think your friend would be being most unreasonable if she didn't understand that you had conflicting commitments on her special day. Yes, you want to be a great bridesmaid, but you will have a 3 week old baby. At 3 weeks, my DS was never away from me for a second, let alone an hour or (shudder) a whole day. You may well be different, but you need to be prepared for not being able to be parted from him/her. If it were me, obviously I'd not want to miss out on the big day, so I would get the prettiest bit of material which matches my dress and rig up a sling. That way, your baby is close, you can breastfeed discreetly without leaving the party, people can't grab him/her off you and it will cover up your floppy belly! And yes, you will need a quiet room. I took DS to a wedding (just as guests to the evening do) when he was 6 days old, and we took advantage of the bride's offer of the bridal suite as we were having feeding problems.

Oh, and good luck! Eeep!!!

I actually think you will have a lovely day...at 4 weeks baby will most likely sleep a fair bit and you can just leave earlyish if you dont fancy the night do (you'll probably be a bit knackered by then). Tanke your carrycot or car seat and enjoy!

Thanks for all the replies! Unfortunately, the do isn't in a hotel so can't book a room or anything, but I'm sure there'll be somewhere quiet to sit. Just wish they hadn't let the groom's mum pick an hour and a half ceremony for them, but never mind.

It's great to hear other people that have tried this and it worked. I guess I just need to wait and see what the baby is like :)

And I'll take extra outfits in case of explosions :) Hopefully my friend can get one pic in the outfit she buys before things get too out of hand!

Thanks :)

OP, if your friend is lovely she'll understand. Tell her if you think you'll need to leave early. It's up to her whether she'd rather have a very good friend, who may have to leave early, as a bridesmaid or not have you there at all. In her shoes, I'd say I'd love to have you there for whatever portion of the day and in whichever way you can manage.

Congrats.

It could be that baby feeds than every 90 mins but bear in mind that you count bf times from when they start feeding, not when they finish, e.g start at 0900 feed until 0940 then could feasibly start again at 1030 (90 mins from 0900). It is especially true around the 4 week growth spurt when it seems like they've only just finished when you have to start all over again.

Take baby (and your mother if possible) with you, I'd recommend a Moby wrap and the carry cot attachement for your pushchair. At 4 weeks old you will not like your baby being passed around like a parcel, so keeping them in a sling, close to you (and amazingly calm - practice tying it now and start using with baby after the first week) will stop people grabbing.

I hope you have a fab day. A luxurious wrap dress with a mothercare control top and a pashmina will be a good solution (top up and dress pulled to the side with wrap around you.

Play it be ear, after the first fortnight you'll have a better idea of how you'll feel, YANBU.

Cute outfit for baby= poo explosion guaranteed. Baby grows are the most comfy for baby initially.

I was a guest at a wedding when dd was 2 weeks old (and ds under 2). It was the end of dh's paternity leave so worked out brilliantly!
I got to wedding a bit early and familiarised myself with the rooms. I breastfed dd before the ceremony so she slept through that bit. I had the pram in the lunch room so she was either in that, feeding or being held by me or dh or (sober) other people for the lunch. For the evening do - sling - she slept through everything! So that would solve other people holding the baby for you. Which then unfortunately meant she hadn't fed when we left so we had to pull into services to feed on our 2+ hour drive home just when ds had fallen asleep! (but you won't have that logistic!).
Of course being a guest is different, but dsil did a reading at our wedding and her dd1 was our bridesmaid when her dd2 was 2 weeks old. They are quite portable at that age as long as you can feed them! And I'm sure your friend will understand if you have to bail out early from the evening or need to go home for a nap! Also, as you say, the wedding's in a (public) church so it's not unreasonable for your mum to be there, but you need to discuss with your friend what happens if baby needs you whilst eg speeches are going on, can you be seated somewhere near the end of the top table so you can escape etc.

My PFB DS was 3 weeks old when we went to the wedding of my mums best friend. He was an angel throughout - took his feeds, slept, got so much attention that it knackered him out and he slept for most of it.

The only thing I'd say is, if he gets fussy throughout the ceremony to just take him out. Don't try and calm him down because it's more than likely you'll be very disruptive of the service and some people don't take kindly to it. My boy was a little star, slept through the ceremony, but someone still moaned to me that babies shouldn't be allowed there...

Hi, haven't read the other posts, I'm sure you've got some good advice there but just wanted to say at that age DD was b'feeding very frequently, your milk supply is still being established, breast is as much for comfort/nodding off to sleep as it is for food, feeds went for up to an hour, and fifteen minutes of baby crying hysterically is actually quite soul destroying. Personally I wouldn't have been up to giving support as a bridesmaid/getting dolled up etc (god, the leaking, the bleeding!!) but sounds like your mum is going to be great support and you're a fantastic friend. I think you should wait and see how it goes and keep an open mind. Best of luck, hope it all happens before you need to be induced.

I went to a wedding (albeit not as a bridesmaid) when my little boy was 3 weeks old. I took him with us - although as other posters have suggested, if you could install your Mum in a hotel room upstairs I think that would work well too.

I couldn't find a dress that I liked that was especially feeding-friendly. In the end I found one that had buttons at the front, so that I could access boobs, albeit only in a boobs-out-for-the-room sort of a way. But I bought a big scarf that I could drape over the top so that I didn't have to flash my boobs to the world. It worked fine.

We stayed until around midnight. We did leave before the bride and groom but I figured I had a good enough excuse.

I took dd to a wedding when she was 3 weeks old. It was do-able. I got a very glamorous breast-feeding dress from Isabella Whats-her-name so I could feed discreetly whenever she wanted without me having to hide anywhere. This was just as well because she cluster fed from about 4pm till we left. The ceremony and drinks parts were fine, as she enjoyed watching all the new faces and surroundings. During the reception I tried to get her to nap in the pram next to the table, but she was having none of it so dh and I took it in turns to walk around with her outside. Don't worry about people wanting to hold her - you'll quickly discover you have a whole new ability to say no and you really won't care about offending! It comes with motherhood! People are generally fairly understanding when they are that little to be honest. We left at about 7, when the screaming level got a bit too embarrassing and the comfort/cluster feeding had got too tedious.

That said, I had a straightforward birth and recovered very quickly. I know many people who would not physically have been in any position to go to a wedding three weeks after giving birth. So do make sure your friend is aware that while you want and hope to be there, you may not be able to.

Isabella Oliver for glam breastfeeding dresses - I knew I would remember the second I posted that!

How exciting hc - and lovely that you and your friend are being so flexible. I have done weddings with dd at 7 wks and ds at 9 wks - both c-section & fully bf - and it was fine; totally doable.

Have a look at bf-ing dresses as it will be easier or just a wrap dress and pashmina. Few ideas below
dresses
dresses
And enjoy it - one of mine slept in their car seat right through the live band!