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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to stop ex-MIL giving ds sweets

22 replies

saladsandwich · 14/11/2011 21:33

ex MIL and ex see ds once maybe twice a week but i have to be there because they can't cope with him. he's only 2 i don't want him eating sweets, i dont refuse him them in general i just don't buy them.

i told MIL to stop buying him chewits, she has a box he can just dip into for chocolates and sweets and he would just gorge all day on them, i've told her it will rot his teeth, told her it makes him hyper but she isn't getting the message.

yesterday he choked on a chewit and i said no more now and put them all out of his reach. we call tday and he went in the box and she'd bought a multi pack of the things, when he got a pack she said "ohhh go ask your mum first" i said no, you can have 1 and popped them up out of reach. then he asked for a biscuit i said no and she leads him to the biscuit barrel and gives him a choice...

sorry for the ramble about sweets lol just not sure if i should just ease up being the sweety police, i tried being more laid back about it but they let him literally eat about 10 chocolates and a full pack of sweets.

OP posts:

auntiepicklebottom2 · 14/11/2011 21:51

they are sweet 1-2 times a week, not rat poision

RomanKindle · 14/11/2011 22:02

YANBU. There's no need at all for a 2 yr old to be having that amount of sweets. And as for giving biscuits when you said no that would wind me up no end. Did she hear you? I would have been tempted to repeat myself if it was me in case she hadn't even if you knew full well she had

muffinflop · 14/11/2011 22:05

He didn't choke on a chewit though did he? He probably gagged on it a bit. My parents overindulge my children, I've learnt to live with it. It's really not high on my list of things to stress over now they're older (5 and 6!)

MissVerinder · 14/11/2011 22:06

Mock up a fake letter from the dentist.

squeakytoy · 14/11/2011 22:07

I would be diplomatic and say he is allowed a couple of sweets and a couple of chocolates, and then no more. No child should be allowed free reign of the biscuit tin, or of any food for that matter.

I would avoid turning it into too much of a battle with her. She may be your ex MIL, but she will always be his grandmother.

skybluepearl · 14/11/2011 22:11

Maybe expaling to her that you have a new rule - one treat only and then fruit to eat. Keep banging on about it - Its such a waste to give them lots of rubbish to eat.

skybluepearl · 14/11/2011 22:13

alternitivly can you redirect her towards healthy treats - ask her to buy in blueberries, nice yogurt, fruit flakes, pineapples etc ..

DoMeDon · 14/11/2011 22:17

I am stunned that 2 adults cannot 'cope' with a 2 year old. Anyway.....YANBU about the sweets - due to the sheer amount she gives and the help yourself. Just say NO - you are there. How about taking along some replacement sweet examples (as mentioned by sky)

seeker · 14/11/2011 22:18

Oh for crying out loud. It's once a week. Chill.

squeakytoy · 14/11/2011 22:22

alternitivly can you redirect her towards healthy treats - ask her to buy in blueberries, nice yogurt, fruit flakes, pineapples etc ..

or some carrot sticks, a little pot of organic hummous.... god forbid the child gets an occasional treat from Granny eh!

Popbiscuit · 14/11/2011 22:24

YANBU. Chewits are gross. Could you suggest a different type of confectionery?

Just kidding; you're fighting a losing battle though. My parents are like sugar terrorists...I've given up

MenopausalHaze · 14/11/2011 22:25

OP just relax for fuck's sake! A few years from now the child will be eating these things behind your back because you're making such a huge deal of it now! As picklebottom said up there - it's not bloody rat poison!

And as for 'mock up a letter from the Dentist' - when I've finished falling about laughing I'll pick myself up and try once more to believe someone actually said that!

slavetofilofax · 14/11/2011 22:27

YANBU.

What she is giving him, or what you are allowing him to have, really won't do him any harm. But that's not the point.

If she keeps giving him treats then it will mean that if you do that, and your Mum does, and his Dad does, then your friend does, it will all be too much. And as the parent, you should have the pleasure of treating your child before anyone else.

She needs to be told to stop again, she is being very selfish by continuing to do this when you have told her already.

Sillyoldelf · 14/11/2011 22:27

It's researched now and proven that sugar in itself does not make children ' hyper ' .

plupervert · 14/11/2011 22:28

It sounds as though you need not to be there.

(a) Why "can't they cope" with him? Is it because they hype him up with sweets and set no boundaries? Let them learn that lesson!

(b) If you are both there at the same time, there is always going to be this tension between your rules and their rules. They seem to be trying to play "nice cop" to your strictness, and that could cause problems for you with DS, as well as allowing them to wimp out on imposing boundaries (see above)

Time for them to see a two year old on his own. They should act like grownups!

squeakytoy · 14/11/2011 22:29

And as the parent, you should have the pleasure of treating your child before anyone else

It isnt a bloody competition!! Grandparents are meant to be the ones who let you get away with stuff, who spoil you.. and sneak you a treat now and again... you grow up remembering those sort of things...

witherhills · 14/11/2011 22:33

I'm usually of the "grandparents should be allowed to give treats camp"
But I think this is a bit much, just giving him free reign with no boundaries at all
Chewits?
A bag of chocolate buttons twice a week, fine, but unlimited junk, not on.
I think you've got a problem though. They don't sound like the type to listen and respond to your concerns

colliwobble · 14/11/2011 23:10

the problem here isnt the sweets - its the fact that she undermines you.

if you have set a rule, she should respect that - you are in charge, not her - maybe it is her way of gaining the upper hand over you. or maybe she just wants to feel in control of something involving ds since the family split up.

my mil does the same thing and it is the lack of respect for my wishes which could bug me if i let it.
The sugar injection, whilst not ideal i have learned to live with - when my ds bounces off her walls i point out - 'oh i see he has had too much sugar' and i stand my ground with 'no' after it gets too silly, but in-law (or x-law) dynamics is a small scale issue in the scheme of things, as is a bad diet day, so try to accept it (hard if she rubs u up the wrong way) and have a good healthy couple of days lined up to balance things out.

hiddenhome · 14/11/2011 23:12

Chewits aren't suitable for a young child. They're very easily choked on

Original poster

saladsandwich · 14/11/2011 23:18

its not the actual sweets that bugs me, its the fact they buy chewits and he can just go pick as he wants, the 10 sweets and then say 14 chewits on top the a kitkat biscuit oh and bags of crisps not one but as many as he wants, he won't eat his dinner if he's eaten all that ds is on vitamins to try give him a boost they know all this but carry on regardless, i don't buy sweets and chocolate in but if people offer him then thats fine, my dad gives him chocolate and if we are out he'll have sweets/chocolate ect

he did actually choke on it though not just gag i had to whack his back to get it out, hes a sod for not chewing stuff before trying to swallow.

i just need to find a comprimise maybe?

OP posts:

hiddenhome · 14/11/2011 23:25

Yes, you can find a compromise, but ultimately they should respect your wishes.

I take ds2 into the health food store and the woman there tries to give him lollipops and crisps. I tell her every time he's not allowed them and she keeps trying It is frustrating.

You need to provide some snacks to take over there.

No more Chewits though, they're terrible. I've choked on one or two myself in the past

plupervert · 15/11/2011 17:40

But why do you have to be present while they "have" him? Why can't they suffer the full consequences of the way they treat him, without enjoying the benefit of having you there to (a) reign him back and (b) using you to make them look "good" and "fun"? They are undermining you in a really quite insidious way.

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