re. teenagers and alcohol.

[Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern]

I was having a conversation with a friend this morning. His 15 year old dd has been caught drinking.
Am just curious how others would react.
My oldest is only 8 so don't have this worry yet but I do remember being a 15 year old girl. I hope that when the time comes I do remember on some level what it was like.
It was easy to be objective talking this morning because it isn't my dd and I am not coming at this from the angle that i did it and I turned out ok because I did a lot of things but I also don't think I would hit the roof and ground until they turn 21. I think that teenagers do drink and that I have to hope that I have done a good enough job parenting that my dc have a healthy knowledge of the dangers of alcohol and what can happen if you drink too much.
I'd rather (hopefully) try not to make alcohol and enigma and encourage a healthy relationship with it.
I sometimes wonder if I learnt to drink in a safer environment as I was in pubs getting served underage rather than in the park in the dark with my dodgy mates.
So AIBU in that I wouldn't have hit the roof necessarily or should I, when the time comes hit the roof and ground the dc until they are 21?

Yanbu, I wouldn't either and my son is 16. I know he goes out and has the occasional drink.

YANBU - a healthy relationship with alcohol is important to teenagers not going OTT

What would you have advised him re his dd then?
I'm just curious to compare it to what I told him.

I think there is a difference between 'caught drinking' and 'caught paralytic drunk'. One is normal experimental stuff for teens and would earn then a ticking off. The other is downright dangerous and you'd have to take quite a hard line.

To an extent my response would depend what was meant by "caught drinking" - if she was having a couple of drinks, then I'd sit her down and talk about alcohol - possible risks, sensible limits, etc. If she was out of her skull, then (once she was safe but still hurting from the hangover!) I'd point out that she was an idiot and that I hoped she'd learnt a valuable lesson. And then talk about risks, limits etc once the hangover was gone enough for her to have a sensible conversation!

I don't think hitting the roof and grounding them forever really helps - the fact is you can't physically keep them away from alcohol. You have to educate them into not being too stupid about it, so they are capable of making their own choices reasonably sensibly.

Yanbu - our ds is nearly 17. I think he started having a sneaky shot with his mates at about 15. Knows the dangers of alcohol and have only once seen him a tiny bit squiffy. I was drinking at parties at 15 but was always sensible - I think I have been drunk once.

We drink at home - there's plenty of alcohol here - he has been given the odd glass of wine and beer to try. I think we are lucky because he genuinely doesn't like the taste - vodka isn't something that we have in and I do wonder if some would have disappeared.

DH and I may often open a bottle of wine but the DC have never seen us drunk and I can go weeks without a drink. DH has one every day though.

She came home had been drinking she wasn't totally paralytic was giggly and obviously had been drinking but still upright and able to get herself home etc.

I think he's not sure how to react TBH. He is a bi older than me so his teenage years are more of a distant memory than mine and also a generation before mine as well as growing up in a totally different environment than my city teenage years.

I would be relaxed about it. When ds was 15 he'd only go to maybe one party every 6 weeks ago and although of course he drank, he never got paralytic.

Now he's 17 and goes to at least one party every weekend, again, of course he drinks, I buy him a few beers, but he doesn't come home rolling drunk, in fact he's usually the one putting pissed girls into the recovery position/holding their hair back while they're being sick!

I think it's because dh and I are laid back that he doesn't feel the need tosneak bottles of vodka and get completely ratarsed.

Doesn't sound too bad a situation then. I'd definitely go for the calm conversation about the perils of overdoing the drink rather than hitting the roof. Presumably he has already done that though?

He may not want to back down, but I think he'd be better off sitting her down and explaining why he'd been so worried about her, so that they can have a sensible conversation.

Things like not drinking too fast, knowing how much you've had, being aware of how you're going to get home safely, thinking about who else is there and how much you know/trust them, etc, are more important than "It's terrible to drink and I'll never trust you again", because honestly they will be in situations where alcohol is available, and it's better to make them aware of how to assess the situation. If all they have to go on is "Dad says alcohol is terrible, but actually it's fun" thgey won'e be in a position to make informed choices.

We drank from 14, the disco bars would serve us, from not much older the local pubs would.
We didn't get drunk, we couldn't afford to.
The older kids in the village looked out for us.
Much better than downing vast quantities of cheap cider or stealing spirits and having not a clue how much you've had.
Making alcohol a forbidden fruit means some DCs drink far more than we did, but in secret.
Clearly getting drunk in the dark in my old park with a fast flowing river or at a mixed sleep over could have very bad consequences.

I went out drinking to get drunk once a week from 14/15. I got paraletic once (first time I drank) and it scared the crap out of me. Never did that again! I got bored of it by the time I hit 18. Most teens experiment with drinking and turn out just fine.

It was evening and she was just out with friends no particular party or anything.
She did try to hide it but he knew she had been drinking and she did admit to it when challenged.