To consider getting a night nanny to get a full night sleep

[reallytired]

My husband and I are completely and utterly sleep deprived. DD has woken every night since she was born and is now two and a half. One of the nursery nurses at dd nursery will do overnight care at the weekend as a one off, but it would be quite expensive. The poor nursery nurse doesn't know quite what a hideous sleeper my dd is.

We just want a full night sleep.

I was expecting the post to be about a baby! You need to do some serious sleep training imo not employ a night time nanny. I have been in your shoes and looking back it was ME that was enabling all the night time waking not ds.

I'm presuming your dd has no special needs as you haven't mentioned them in your OP.

Valium - any tips on sleep training?
ds is nearly 3 and used to sleep through no problem.
Then about 5 months ago he started night waking. Every night now, on average 4 times a night.
OP - you have my sympathy in bucketloads

YANBU i think a full nights sleep is the best thing you can spend your money on. Dh and I booked into hotels down the road for this very reason.

Sleep training is easier if you have a had a full nights sleep. Go for it but stay somewhere else.

I got to 3 and just thought that the situation was utterly ridiculous, and I was so sleep deprived I was on the verge of trying to go to a sleep clinic that a friend had told me about.

I decided to give it a go by myself for a week and if it didn't work I would go and try and get referred. It took 3 nights and now he is the best sleeper ever and has been for the last 7 years!

Ds would wake in the night and I would assume he was thirsty and get him a cup of milk ( looking back I must've been in a daze because I would never do that now!) I told him he would only have a cup of water by his bed at night and if he woke up it was straight back to bed. We had one night of '' But mummy I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE you" at 3am, but I just said 'It's bed time now' and gave him no attention - or milk! He went through a period of early wakings and we dealt with that by having a clock and a pile of books he could look at until it was time to get up.

I wanted to co sleep but none of us were getting any sleep so he had to be in his room.

I have a two and a half year old, and there's no way he would get away with that! Your child isn't a baby anymore, take control, you're the adult. If he's ill then fair enough, but otherwise gently but firmly tell him that's it's sleeping time, and to go back to sleep. With no fuss, no argument, a loving cuddle but that's it. And stick to it. A hundred times a nugt if necessary. He's old enough to understand that night time is for sleeping, and mummy is tired. Stop pandering.

I think if you're reaching the end of your rope through lack of sleep, and have someone you trust, and can afford, to pay for a night nanny, then go for it, go to a hotel room, and sleep. Then when you get home, stop whatever it is you've been doing and sleep train your DD. The first couple of nights may well be horrendous with screams and woe and tantrums, or she may just surprise you and sleep, but it needs to be done. You can't go on with no sleep, it's bad for all of you.

100% agree with ditziness. As a CM I have had new parents tell me x is a bad day sleeper, within a week x sleeps like a bomb here (usually sorts out their night sleep too). The parents were enabling the sleep probs imo. Making too much of a deal re sleep time/hanging around too long etc.

Why do you need a 'nanny' -or is that a stupid question? .
Seriously, though, is there not a trusted friend who is responsible who would help you out for a bit of cash?
Please forgive me, I am making the assumption that your child has no special needs here.
It's not difficult for a responsible, intelligent adult to take care of a child for one night.
Obviously you wouldn't just get anybody off the street to do it.

Or can you take it in turns with dh to catch up on sleep - get yourself some ear plugs first

Staying up one night for most healthy adults is not difficult -night shift workers do it all the time. For several nights in a row. It's difficult for you because your sleep deprivation is never-ending.

I totally agree with PomBear. A night nanny to catch up on sleep so you've got enough energy to deal with your DDs sleep issues.

You can get a night nanny who will help you sleep train, advise and give moral support, it's not easy!! My Dsis called one in to help with her DC and within three days it was cracked but you have to be prepared for some tantrums. This is where the night nanny's moral support comes in!

I read some interesting material recently on natural 2-hour sleep cycles and how babies need to learn to 'join them up' through the night. So sometimes we are unwittingly stopping our babies learn how to sleep by thinking that every time they wake they need us or milk/whatever, rushing in and disturbing them. Whereas they just need to go back to sleep.

I have a 6 year old who still doesn't sleep very well, i can assure you there is no contribution from dh and i to her lack of sleeping she is just a nightmare, we have a ds with no sleeping problems. She just doesn't seem to sleep very well and never has. we have done every sleep training exercise with her and they occasionally work briefly but it doesn't take much to get her back into old habits. Until you have had a child like this you don't know what its like and saying just do x it worked for me isn't really helpful.

Sorry OP you didn't need to hear that, she does sleep well most of the time now although i'm expecting a baby in 2 weeks and fully expect her to go back to being a nightmare again.

I have read about that too coffee, also we 'train' kids to use a cup/potty/knife and fork - this imo is just an extension of that, training them that night time is night time and time for sleep.

YANBU but why are you both up with her?

It would be cheaper to have a night each in a travelodge, probably.

Until you have had a child like this you don't know what its like and saying just do x it worked for me isn't really helpful

I was asked by jack so I replied.

Jack sorry was talking about Elizabeths post which seemed to imply it is the parents fault. I admit you can get stuck in a rut but it's not always down to the parents.

and ditzy.

We had this until a few weeks ago when I finally decided to do controlled crying. My DD was waking several times a night asking fo milk (we had the pox a while back and started the habit). Firstly it was once a night which I could handle then it was 2-3 times a night which drove me potty. Hands up to it being my own fault but once you get tired beyond belief it is almost impossible to find your way out of the situation again so I do sympathize.

This is what I did:
Husband slept on sofabed downstairs while I woke and dealt with DD, firstly for 1 1/2 hours, then 40 mins, then half an hour, then nothing. I didn't try to go back to sleep I just sat on my bed and only returned at 5, 10, 15, 20 min intervals. I did need to sleep a bit extra the next day so do get DH to take a week off (really it will be worth it). She now sleeps really well from 7pm till 6.30am.
I said I would never do it but after 2 years of sleep deprivation it was her crying for a few nights or me jumping off a bridge so I figured it was best for both of us.

And don't be too hard on yourself for the choices you make. Some babies learn to sleep well others don't and I don't think anyone should judge the situations of other mothers. If you can't be supportive then keep it to yourself.

Thanks for the tips Valium, I am going to see if I can find some sleep training methods online.
Coffee - that totally makes sense about 2 hour sleep cycles and trying to join them up. ds wakes every 1.5-2 hours and starts yelling. If we go to him, he will go back to sleep. If we don't go to him, he gets out of bed and then dh puts him back and he will go back to sleep.
He goes back to sleep every time quite well but nothing changes, he still keeps waking!

I can definitely see the wisdom of you both getting a decent night's sleep thanks to the night nanny, so that you then have energy to go for sleep training.