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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that my DP sleeping pattern is all wrong

11 replies

bluenotepad · 14/11/2011 08:40

Dp works 7am to 4pm from home.

He never ever needs an alarm clock to wake up. He regularly falls asleep at 8pm on the sofa and is awake at 4 or 5am after going up to bed at 10.30pm ish with me.

He then used to toss and turn and wake me up (I don't need to get up til 7am). Since I was so sleep deprived, I had to ask him to not wake me up when he wakes up, he now gets up and watches TV downstairs or in the other bedroom for 2 or 3 hours or so in the morning. If he wakes at 4 or 5am, he will then insist on having a sleep at lunchtime or at 4pm and believes in doing so he is doing me a favour by not falling asleep in the evening and actually having some quality time with me - I don't normally sit down til 8pm after housework, dinner, homework etc.

Over the Christmas period (when he gets 3 weeks off), he can go to sleep at the same time as me and will wake at the same time as me but he just can't seem to lie in to any sensible time any other time of the year. Even if we go away for the weekend, he will be awake at 5am watching TV and then want to come back from a day out to sleep in the afternoon!

I just think if he knocked the daytime naps on the head, he would probably sleep better at night.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 14/11/2011 08:42

Not all people sleep the same way. Lots of people do what your dh does.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 14/11/2011 09:05

YABU. Naps are ood for you and there's nothing wrong with them...if it is during his working hours, and he is scheduling them in then how does it affec you anyway?

valiumredhead · 14/11/2011 09:06

If I went to bed at 10.30 I would be up at 5am too.

Original poster

bluenotepad · 14/11/2011 09:37

He can't always nap during the day. He doesn't go to sleep at 10.30, he goes at 8pm ish. How does it affect me? I go to sleep at 11 and get woken at 4, that's not enough sleep for me. He doesn't spend time with the kids because he's asleep. We can't go out for a day without him wanting a sleep. It affects or sex life. I would understand if he worked nights and we never saw each other. I would also understand if he needed to go to bed before me but he only needs to be up half an hour before me but he is asleep hours before me because he can't sleep in the mornings which is caused by him sleeping in the evenings or during the day.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 14/11/2011 09:41

I would've though napping would keep him up later rather than going to bed at 8pm?

valiumredhead · 14/11/2011 09:42

8pm - 5am and an afternoon nap is a lot of sleep! Has he any medical problems?

mumeeee · 14/11/2011 09:52

Yes your DH does seem to have an odd sleep pattern. I would suggest he goes to see a GP to check if there are any medical issues. I sometimes fall asleep watching TV
and have been known to have the occasional nap. But I wouldn't nap every day and certainly wouldn't insist on coming home from a day out so that I could have a sleep. Could you sit down with your DH and ask him to stop the naps. He obviously is able to do this as he does it at Christmas.

Original poster

bluenotepad · 14/11/2011 10:30

If he sleeps during the day, he can mange to stay up til 10.30. If he doesn't he will fall asleep at 8pm. He is probably needing 8 hours a day - same as me. Difference is when he takes that sleep.

There is no routine and each day is different.

OP posts:

WoTmania · 14/11/2011 10:32

He sounds like he is just the type of person who wakes up early (so is DS1 )
YABU

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 14/11/2011 11:20

YANBU.
What does he think about it? If he can change it at Christmas why does he do this the rest of the year? What does he say if you ask him to change it?
Does he enjoy spending time with the DCs, or do you think this is a way of avoiding them or having to look after them? Has he always had this irregular sleep pattern, or has it happened since the DCs?
Does he exercise? That might give him more energy and also improve his sleep patterns. Maybe he should go for a run instead of taking a nap!

Original poster

bluenotepad · 14/11/2011 14:14

He doesn't want to change it. Says he quite likes getting up early.

His children aren't here all the time, so yes, he does like spending time with them although I often have to wake him up so he can put them to bed.

He doesn't do much exercise but he does do a bit.

I appreciate that everyone is different but surely he wants to actually spend some time with his DC and with his partner? He says this is why he naps during the day, so he doesn't fall asleep in the evening (although he still sometimes does) but I think it just creates a circle he can't seem to get out of. He wakes early, so has a nap because he is tired, which in turn means he wakes early again.

OP posts:

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