To move near to my family

[schooling]

Really not sure if IABU or not.

I live in an 'upmarket' area, in a lovely house and my children will go to a 'good' school (Not Eton, but not far off). I should be happy and it's all I wanted growing up - I grew up in a very run down area and always wanted to 'get out'.

So, I did get out and now... I want to go home.

My family can't / don't want to come here - being honest, it's too far out of their comfort zone and they don't like the yummy mummy mentality here, so I always travel to them.

Yesterday, my children (aged 2 and 3) both cried when they had to come 'home' and I realised that they have a far better time when they are with my family, having fun.

Truthfully, I miss my family and friends on an almost daily basis. We do have loads of friends here, but they aren't the same. I've created a complete other image of myself here, and very few friends know anything about my life at home.

I just feel like moving back home.

I'm being stupid, aren't I?

Not at all! If you can afford to and you think it is for the best then you should move back closer to family!

Family are very important. I only realised that when I moved nearer my parents recently (my DCs are 4 and 1). We see them a few times a week and it has made life so much more enjoyable and my DCs absolutely spending time with their grandparents. Having said that, you need to make sure that you really consider the implications of moving and are happy to return back to your 'old' self!

Move! Go where you and your family to be happy! Especially if you have the means to, some people are stuck in places they don't want to be and don't have the option to change it- if you have the option, go ahead! Not stupid at all IMO.

Depends, what is education like where you'll go?

Where is your dc father? Are you together?

I wouldn't be going back to where I grew up. I could afford a good school and a nice house in a nice area (not as 'posh' as where I am now, but not run down either).

It just feels like a nice half way point. Does that make sense?

My family are a very large close knit unit (ah... who am I kidding - they're a bunch of pikers ;-)) and I miss the closeness (and the help with childcare!!!)

I always wanted the material stuff, I did and I'm not going to lie. I couldn't wait to get the big house etc., but I struggle with the mentality here too... the requirement for the big cars, the designer clobber, the need to think of more and more outlandish names for children....
which is unfair of me because I bought into this world. No one asked me to live here.

But, for everything I have, I'm actually quite lonely. And no amount of money can fix that, can it?

I would definitely go. I think its important for children to be around their gps, its less stressful for the parents, more fun, more memories etc and thats what they will remember when they are older.

I also do believe that the children are happier with my family because I'm happier too. Everything is so much more relaxed and no one fusses if they have messy faces or muddy hands.

Honestly, a friend nearly hyperventilated because I didn't sterilise my childrens hands before they went near her organic carrot sticks. I know I wanted this life for me / my kids, but now I want them to be happy and carefree and loved...

Ah, yes, DH.

Yes, we are together.
He adores this lifestyle. His only complaint is we don't have a bigger car / bigger house / more 'stuff'.
But, he works SOOOO hard to afford all this 'stuff' that we rarely see him and when we do, he's shattered (mentally and physically).

Doesn't sound like you will be moving then, if your DH likes the lifestyle so much!

I've lived away from "home" all my adult life. Since DS was born three years ago, and DD 3 weeks ago, I have 1 - made lots of wonderful Mummy friends here (we're not yummy) and 2 - realised that blood is so much thicker than water. I'd go "home" at the drop of a hat BUT -

DDad died and DM moved away from where I grew up. Moving to close to her, would only mean being close to her.
DH and I both have decent, well paid, flexible jobs here.
We could just about afford a 2 bedder where mum lives (we have 3 beds and a garden here).
We do have lots of friends, network etc here.
Property round here is just not selling, there are similar houses that have been for sale for 2 years +.

But I wish I could just drop in on my mum for a coffee or something. When I see here, it's a 5 hour drive (have not attempted yet with 2 DC!) and we have to stay a few days to justify it and then get fed up with each other after a couple of days. It's a very false dynamic.

I am going to be a voice of dissent here and say that of course you and your children will enjoy seeing family on visits, but visiting somewhere is not the same as living there. And you really should take DH's feelings into account a bit more than you seem to have done on this thread.

Is this for real? Sorry to say this but it sounds a bit like of journo-fishing. It's just all too much of a cliche.

Is was the organic carrot sticks wot done it.

And the thing is, I have known women who are extremely laid back about whether their children are grubby, and some who practially have a nervous breakdown at the thought, and it has rarely has anything to do with their class, or their money.

Have I killed this?

Oh, no... I'm for real. NC, but long standing and non-working mum.

I love my DH, but he is away pretty much constantly during the week and I wouldn't be looking to leave this lifestyle.

Actually, you know, I know I am BU. I'd be back up there and hankering for this lifestyle. I just needed to write it down. I think maybe a holiday home up there is the way to go.

I suppose I just feel lonely and a bit neglected at the moment.

And I do hate the bloody carrot sticks. I really do. I hate when mums say 'Oh, Tarquin / Ophelia / Jupiter only eats organic raw veg' It's not true. And, actually, I have the other extreme too - my DS refuses to eat chocolate and loads of people give me hassle about that too.

Bikerunski - YES! That's exactly the problem at the moment. When I go (also 4-5hour journey with 2 small kids on my own), I stay for a good few days, and we end up tripping over each other and getting on each others nerves (not helped by the fact that my children refer to my mothers 'best' lounge as a playroom!!!!!), falling out and then feeling worse when I leave.

But, writing it down here, I know that being there all the time, would lead to a mass of other issues which are very much best avoided.

Fellatio - do you think I could be a journolist? I could do with a job when the kids go to school. I could work for the DM. I'm not a proud person

Fellatio - Can I just ask? Was what I wrote offensive?

It's just, the more I think about what I wrote.... It's like I have two almost separate identities. Believe me, I would NEVER (IRL) say that to anyone here. I always carry my hand sanitiser down here, yet, positively hide it when I'm at home. But neither one is the 'real me'.

I dunno. Just feeling a bit lost, I think.

No, not at all offensive, and I'm sorry - I realise I was mistaken. It was just something about what you were saying that smacked of reading a magazine article on keeping up with the Jones, the pressure of it all, the artifice, does money really make you happy? etc etc, blah blah. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings.

I realised once you'd posted about being a bit lonely that it was a real thread and not 'research.'

Schooling I totally get where you're coming from. I grew up in a tight knit, poverty stricken area....where everyone looked after one another and the community was and still is very close.

My family are all still there, whereas I moved away to a "better" town with better schools....my DDs are in excellent schools and we live in a very nice area.

But I miss the tightness of my old home....I miss the warmth and companionship and still feel I don't belong here.

I don't think this thread is about where you live but about you having the confidence to live how you want to. By your own admission you are not really comfortable in either environment - moving is not going to solve your problem. Until you can work out what you want in life where you live is immaterial. Why do you feel such a need to fit in and be like everyone else - it is ok not to follow the crowd and be your own person, are you concerned about the values your children will grow up with if everything is so focused on material things rather than family ties and strong relationships?

Yes, that's it, in a nutshell.