To say something on DP's behalf?

[OTheShame]

It was DP's birthday over the weekend. His mother has given him a card and a present. Very nice...however, on closer inspection, the present (not something that DP would ever use, but thought was nice) was ingraved with his brothers initials and the card had a name and age tippexed out and his name and age replaced. It actually appears to be a card that was written to his nephew (who lives in the house) 3 weeks ago for his 10th birthday!!!

I know its not the be all and end all, and that you should be grateful etc she didnt have to do anything. But all the other brothers and sisters get it, its soo not fair that he is an afterthought. He says he is fine, Im not pushing it but he looks so sad and I just want to kill her, and the siblings who didnt even call!!!

I really want to say something, not to start a fight, but to point out that what they have done isnt acceptable, because he wont say anything and I think they will feel he is ok with being treated like this and will continue to do so..would any of you say it?

Why would she be able to give the card twice? Did she ask for it back so she could give it to your dh?

I once gave a Christmas card to my DP with the "Xmas" crossed over and "birthday" scribbled in.

But he loves recycling :P

It must have been lying about the house valium Its very obviously his from the pic in the front of the bear playing football and the very badly tippexed age and name inside... A master of disguise she is not

Maybe its me, I dunno, I always feel like a birthday should be marked in some small way, maybe thats why Im so outraged

Does she have money problems perhaps?

Ill have to remember that bluddy "Oh happy Christmas mrs... heres your card " In your face!!!

Oh god squeaky there are def no money problems there, trust me...no no no...but she is also the lady that says to her grandkids (including my DS) that they can either have a birthday present or christmas present, not both.. I guess thats how the rich stay rich!!! She is a nice woman in some ways, we all have fault, no ones perfect. My shit has been gripped by her today though...

Is this for real? I can't believe anyone would be so thoughtless.

Ahh. Welcome to my world of cheap assed in-laws/ parents. I am afraid you are going to just have to 'suck it up' so to speak.

If anyone will make some noise about it then it will have to be your partner, you will come off looking like a complete 'bitch'. Even when I go 'off on one' my patner is not allowed any emotions.

My partner is great at birthday time as he knows how depressed I get that my 6 sisters and 1 brother can't be arsed to remember but their memory magically gets better around their birthday, (is he the oldest like me), ... sorry but you will have to find a way of distracting him from his sh*t family every year and hopefully turning into a pleasant time.

OTheShame I see it is flame on you....makes a nice change form it being me!

Its real Katie I didnt think people could be either but there you go...Its not even like he was looking for anything, just a card that was actually meant for him!!!

I do that royal when it comes to Christmas etc I always go overboard, loads of little prezzies as I know when we go to the parents there will be nothing there, not a card, nor a happy christmas. Ill suck it up, I know Ill be the "baddie" if I dont. He is 3rd eldest out of 5...hmm middle child?

My MIL is the same the last time we went to visit she got my DD a talking doll, (annoying, batteries removed), and my DSS a yo- yo she pulled out of her fruit bowl after 15 mins of realising he was there.

I was so heartbroken for him, it meant a trip to toys'r'us on the way back home and we told him it was off his grandma.

Royaljelly - depending on his age, he will not have been fooled. Once DD was 5/6yo, she KNEW my Ex-MIL didn't care about her as much as she cared about the DS's - that was when I realised that me lying to her too was making it worse, because she believed that I condoned that behaviour from MIL (by trying to cover it up by buying toys on the way home etc) - and even worse that if I was OK with that, then I must feel the same too. . That was the point when I stopped the dc from seeing the Ex-MIL.

HuntyCat I am talking about an extremely sensitive 8 yr old.. and it doesn't really matter what his age was the fact that his grand ma had met him at least 53 + times before but had only met my DD twice yet had chosen to almost ignore him and focus on my DD made me embarrassed and my heart break for him. When she presented my DD with this doll and almost as an after-thought rememered her grandson I felt ill.

otheshame could you ring up your mil and conspiratorially tell her that dh hadn't said anything but you noticed that she had had obviously been very clever and bought the same present rhis year for all her boys but that she has managed to get bil's one mixed up wirh dh's present. Oh fancy that. Any chance that you could swap them over so when dh next looks at it the right initials will be on it.

Be really up front about it but just assuming that she has made an honest mistake at which point she will either have to admit you are right and then she'll have to whizz out and buy a new one to get engraved with the right initials or she will have to fess up and say that it is a recycled unwanted gift that she tried to give to bil but he didn't want so is dumping on your dh. And if you're ever so frightfully nice about it, Playing on assuming she made an honest mistake she will know she's been rumbled but won't be able to do anything about it.

Alternatively ask if you can have the receipt so you can take it back to the engravers to complain that they got the initials wrong. And then say oh what a surprise they are bil's initials aren't they? How about you keep this for him and get [what dh would really love] as a present instead or at least one with his own initials on.

I would let the card go for now - but at Xmas give her a pack of those recycle envelope labels you can get from places like oxfam. Not sure if you can get them to go on the inside of cards too. And send her a recycled with tippex card for Xmas too. It's almost worth writing a card yourself to tippex out if you don't have any left from last year! :)

And yes - it's horrible when children (and adults!) are not treated equally with presents, especially when there is such a disparity :(

Do you still have the christmas card she sent to you last year? (I'm a hoarder and cut up cards to used as gift tags the following year I would tippex out the names and re-send it to her this yearbut I'm passive aggressive like that

Seriously, I like what zipzap has suggested, it backs her into a corner and lets her know you're on to her.

Excellent suggestion from zipzap. I really would not let it pass, it will just fester if you do.

Do you think she is mentally all there? It just sounds strange, almost rather than mean.

A good suggestion zipzap ill try that tomorrow and see the response... i could even beleive it myself but for the cadd!

She is very well, certainly no issues that can excuse the behaviour but this disparity as one poster put it has always been apparent just never as obvious as this

Op, please report back, I'd love to know what her excuse is :)

Please do. She's a complete cow. My future-MIL is an absolute angel; I got a beautiful Me To You bear and a party dress for my 21st birthday. It was better than what my own mother gave me, and it was on time too!

I don't see why some MILs are just such bitches. It must be so upsetting :(