To think over £1000 to visit the in-laws is too much.

[mrsmillsfanclub]

We have been hit with lots of unexpected bills recently and we are fairly broke. Dh wants to visit his family abroad over xmas with me and dc, but flights are shockingly expensive for a 2hr flight.
I have told him it would be much better if he went alone this year and would save us lots of money. He thinks my suggestion is selfish, as we should be together at that time of year. If truth be told I have never been a big fan of xmas, and dc is now old enough that she couldn't care less where she is at xmas so long as there is internet access within reach. Aibu?

Yanbu.

We live abroad and it costs a minimum of a grand for us to 'go home' as a family.

yes.

Its a lot if you are short on cash but I agree that Christmas is a family time. Could you suggest that the in laws come to you?

Ps I think Christmas is a big pile of crap too unless you're an observant Christian.

He thinks your suggestion for you to forego Christmas but for him and DC to still benefit in order save the family some much-needed money is selfish?

YANBU at all.

Would flights be cheaper early in the new year? My DSis lives abroad, and I always go and see her end of Jan, when flights are rock bottom.

I have asked in-laws if they would like to come to us, but there are lots of them and we only have tiny 2 bed house, so rightly so they said no thanks.
The trip would be for five days as we both have to get back for work.

Last time we visited the inlaws, it cost about £7000.

We don't generally visit at Christmas - prefer the summer where everyone is less cooped up.

Expensive visits are all part of living abroad. They do have to be budgeted for occasionally.

YANBU. Be firm. Tell him he goes alone.

I don't think you are being selfish...you are suggesting DH goes.

I wouldn't want to be without DH at Christmas, but if you don't mind,how about DH and DD go, and you stay behind?

I visited them in summer for a month, and can't do holidays outside of term time as I work in education.

YANBU if you cannot really afford it. I don't see why you should go into debt for such a trip.

Could you go when the peak season rates are passed? There is obviously a premium charged by airlines for the "privilege" of traveling during the holidays.

If your husband really wanted to go visit them at Christmas, he should have started thinking about it in summer when prices might have been a bit lower. Thinking about it with around 6 weeks to go is too late! If your husband thinks you should be together at Christmas, what have you done in previous years? Do you always visit or have you had Christmas on your own in the past? What is different this year? Is your husband upset because you will see a lot of your family?

What is the pressure to visit at Christmas.

When we were living nearer to inlaws (260 miles instead of 3700 miles), we broached the subject of Christmas with them saying that we would prefer not to visit them because of all the packing up of children's gifts and general chaos associated with four small children.

They were totally in agreement, and said that's exactly what they did when they had a young family (DH had lost that memory).

We visited my family (400 miles) once for Christmas before having children and it wasn't really enjoyable for any of us, so we stopped any kind of expectation before it even got off the ground. They visited us twice - once shortly after a birth, and once for a baptism. We all agree that it is more pleasant to visit in better weather and when there is no script to follow (Christmas meaning different things to different people).

With five children, no one expects us to visit them as they can't really put us up comfortably and they wouldn't feel like good hosts if we were in a hotel at Christmas (it doesn't bother us and this seems fine at other times of the year). When my ILs visited one Christmas, they stayed in the local pub and were happy for the space. We did put up siblings who were more willing to camp out.

We are inviting all our American/Canadian relatives for the Olympics next summer but all the children will be expected to sleep in tents in the back garden. Only those over 45 will be guaranteed a bed.

It is a bit too much considering your financial situation. Maybe a compromise would be just your DH and DD go or you all go on a later date.

I would be careful about going into debt for any visit.

I would be very positive about it and say that we will come next Christmas/following summer/whatever.

If they really want you, they will send you the money

Seriously, parents should understand - they were once in our shoes.

Unless you're minted, £1000 is a huge amount of money to spend on a 5 day visit at Xmas. Unless your husband's family is the Claus' and they live at the North Pole :)

I personally wouldn't and would ask my husband if he felt it was of massive importance to come up with how as a family we could afford it rather than trying to guilt me into just going along with it and then feeling stressed because of the debt.

This Christmas element and the fact that it's traditionally a time to visit family is confusing the issue.

Either you can afford it or you can't. Don't let the time of year muddy the discussion.

As adults, we can all seperate out what we'd like to be the case (able to visit relatives), vs. what actually is (you have a finate income pot to distribute).

You need to sit down and work through the figures with your DH and come to a comprimise based on that.

Whether you want, or he wants, to visit relatives, is completely moot. The first and foremost question is whether you can afford it, based on all of the unexpected recent bills that have come in.

Once the answer is 'yes' to that initial question (be it wholly, in that you all go as a family, or partially, in that you can afford for him to go alone)... then, and only then, can you start to address what people want to do.

In summary, I feel you're focusing on the wrong element here, as are many of the responses on this thread. Time to step back a little and take some emotion out of the decision - you won't (and don't have a right to) dominate the decision based on opinion alone, but you do have the right to veto this visit based on the household income on top of your opinion.

that's my view, anyway.

If you really can't afford it then yes it is too much. If finances are OK then I would see £1000 to be with by wife, child and extended family I rarely see at xmas money well spent if I was your husband. All depends on the finances.

If you can't afford it then YANBU. Too many people put sentiment over financial responsibility at Christmas and land themselves in real trouble.

Personally I'd spend that kind of money at whatever time of year got me the nicest weather and the best experience.
£1000 and 5 days leave has to be a holiday as well as a duty visit to see relatives.
DSIL lives in deepest Cornwall, you always try to go and see her in nice weather

seeing as you already visited them this year YANBU. Why not suggest to DH that you save up and go next Christmas?