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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that it's a bit off to ASK for a 'thank you'...

18 replies

bt1978 · 13/11/2011 11:14

DC2 was born about 6 weeks ago, and so we've received some lovely gifts from friends and family. I am quite an organised person and DH is very busy with work, so I said I'd be in charge of sending out thank you cards to people (despite being in charge of a 20mo toddler and a newborn).

Yesterday TWO sets of people made it known to us that they hadn't recevied any thanks for their gifts.
DH's aunt 'wondered if we'd tried to contact them about their gift'...I sent a card, I remember what I wrote in it, they must have not received it...so I sent another one yesterday morning.
And then DH's friend asked him face to face why we hadn't said thank you...she gave us the gift in person, we both thanked her right then and there, quite profusely - it was a lovely gift, and the card I wrote her got sent yesterday as I couldn't find her address for a few days and so it was about a week after we got the present.

Now, of course the right thing to do when you get a present is to say thank you. Of course it is. And I send a card because I think it's nice, but obviously an email or something would also probably do the job.

BUT - chasing a thank you? Really? I have a new baby - give me a break! And also, I personally don't give presents so that I can receive thanks. I give a present because it's a nice thing to do.

AIBU to be a little put out by these attitudes?

(I will of course get over this pretty quickly as there are bigger things to think about, I just wondered what other people thought)

OP posts:

NinkyNonker · 13/11/2011 11:19

I think it is off to pester like that. If I can't thank someone face to face, as you did, I will do so in writing in a form suitable for their age...text, email, card etc.

One of my aunts always does this, I did thank yous about a fortnight after dd was born (found it easier to do as and when pressies arrived while stuck under a perma feeding baby) so I didn't forget. So I knew I'd sent it. Luckily it arrived the next day so I had the satisfaction of her relaying to my parents that it had arrived, post marked before she had asked so she made herself look a little silly tbh.

FlyAwayBaby · 13/11/2011 11:20

YANBU.

God you're more on the ball than me. I didn't get around to it for over a month,I was too bloody busy with my baby and older ones.

It is rude to ASK for a thank you,especially after only a week of someone giving birth.

pigletmania · 13/11/2011 11:24

It is a bit off to ask, especially if you have thanked them in person, what do they want fgs a singing thank you orchestra at their door! I would usually text or phone the person, than send out cards later. DD was 4 months old when I got round to it.

perceptionreality · 13/11/2011 11:30

YANBU - giving a present with any kind of string attached is twattish behaviour.

RoseC · 13/11/2011 11:31

YANBU I hate people who don't say thank you but with new babies I think most allow a much longer period of time to get organised. We gave a gift to some friends when their child was born in August and also at their wedding in the Spring. It's only in the last couple of weeks we've decided they definitely don't want to say thanks for either gift (they have our emails. phone numbers and work with our best friend - not even verbal thanks passed through her, which with a new baby would have been fine).

ChaoticAngel · 13/11/2011 11:34

YANBU Tbh a thank you when I hand over the gift is fine by me, I don't need a written note/card. The only time I'd mention anything is if I'd sent it by post and I wanted to make sure it had got there.

catinboots · 13/11/2011 11:37

YANBU. This week I just sent out the last of our thankyou cards for our wedding. We got married at the end of August.

marriedinwhite · 13/11/2011 11:45

YANBU and that comes from an old fashioned oldie of 51. In your shoes I might have dashed off something for the elderly aunt brigade who had never had children. Your husband's friend I think was out of order - unless of course the gift ran into three figures, he doesn't have a wife or a family and is generally clueless. You have more on your plate at present.

I must confess to having been a bit shocked when DH's cousin copied us on an e-mail along with about 200 other people to say that a baby had arrived, and how wonderful the baby was and how proud they were etc., and this was their new address. Felt like an invitation to send a present and very inappropriate from a girl who is with her brother DH's favourite cousin and I felt DH should have had the courtesy of a personal e-mail at least or a proper announcement card. If she had cared at all for DH she would have sent a change of address when she moved too - about 6 months before the baby was born.

spiderpig8 · 13/11/2011 11:53

If they haven't given it to you face to face then I think it is Ok to check they received it.

AScatteringofPoorSardines · 13/11/2011 11:54

Yanbu, I don't like getting thank yous either tbh, another thing to fill up my recycling mantlepiece. I would ban superfluous cards if I was queen [miserable cow emoticon]

JarethTheGoblinKing · 13/11/2011 11:56

Craziness.. I don't think ive sent a thank you card in my life!

proudfoot · 13/11/2011 11:59

YANBU!

If you have thanked in person then a thank you card is by no means necessary IMO, although nice of you if you want to send one. Mind boggling that someone would be rude enough to chase for a card

Congrats on your DC2 :)

Sharney · 13/11/2011 12:01

It may be bad manners to not formally thank someone for a gift but it is definitely bad manners to pull someone up on it.

Laquitar · 13/11/2011 12:04

YANBU.

It would make sense only if they have send the presents by post and they worry that the parcel has been lost.

What i did is every time my baby wore a gift i took a photo. Then when the relatives were asking for photos i sent them that one.

Thumbwitch · 13/11/2011 12:06

YANBU. I can't understand why anyone would expect to receive a Thank You note/card/letter if they were thanked in person at the time. Kind of suggests that your verbal thank you was worthless and meaningless. How very bloody rude!

The one that may have been lost in the post is a bit different - they were probably checking that the gift hadn't been lost rather than chasing a thank you card - I will be checking with a friend later that she has received the parcel I sent from Australia for her son's birthday last week - it should definitely have arrived by now but haven't heard and will be very sad if it is lost in the post. I don't expect anything fancy, just an email acknowledgement that it arrived.

sleepywombat · 13/11/2011 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picnicbasketcase · 13/11/2011 12:07

What Sharney said.

Especially unreasonable of them since you had thanked them, but it hadn't arrived. Bloody rude to confront someone over it anyway.

Original poster

bt1978 · 13/11/2011 13:03

Thanks for all the responses! Glad to know I am not being unreasonable.

Regarding the present from the aunt - it was given to us by DH's Dad - the aunt is his sister - so they knew we received it. Thumbwitch - I agree - of it had been posted to us then I would understand them contacting us to check we received it as I would probably do the same.

OP posts:

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