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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband staying out all night!

23 replies

sweetness86 · 13/11/2011 08:56

So me and hubby being going through a rocky patch lately I posted on here a while ago about his lesbian friend spending a lot of time at my house and it all came to a head a few weeks ago where I asked her to leaved.

Last night we went out first off I told him I would be in the pub at 7.00 so I got to the pub he werent there. I waited till 8.00 and he turned up finally with his lesbian friend and two friends from work. When he got there I was talking to a man I knew from school and hubby looked really mad about that?? and asked why I went out t was his night out etc
when I asked him why he stood me up for an hour he said he was waiting for his friend to have a bath/?! it really pissed me off . He was fine after about an hour and I had to be home for 10 because my babysitter had to go at 10.00.
I went in one taxi he went in another with his friends and its now 9.00 this morning and he hasnt come home no phonecall no text no nothing this has happened before aswell.

He says he loves me but actions speak louder than words we've got two kids why should I have to come home early by myself hile he stays out?? AIBU to think hes a total prick?

OP posts:
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 13/11/2011 09:03

my babysitter what do you mean? Is your child not your DHs too? ISn't HE also responsible for the child?

It seems all very immature..."My night" and "my friend" etc

He does sound a prick and I wouldn't put up with that.....it's FINE for him to have friends and FINE for him to go out with them eithout you....but why did heact so rudely when he was due to meet you?

Also why keep mentioning that his friend is a lesbian? What's that got to do with anything?

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 13/11/2011 09:04

no YANBU.

But I dont understand why 'lesbian friend' is an issue here. Or mentioned.

The bottom line is, he disrespects you, takes the piss and stays out drinking all night.

BlueCat2010 · 13/11/2011 09:06

YADNBU

If my hubby did that he would get home to find his bags packed, but then again he wouldn't do that!

ENormaSnob · 13/11/2011 09:07

Yanbu

he is takin the piss out of you.

Leaves you for an hour whilst his pal has a bath Hmm

Original poster
sweetness86 · 13/11/2011 09:14

I know I dont have a problem with lesbians but its just the fact shes female and he spends a lot of time with her I stated it incase anyone remembers my earlier post about her and the probs Ive had with her in the past.

I think its really bad though to leave your wife standing in a pub by herself for an hour then leave me to go home by myself they are HIS children too and then not come home without so much as a text.

OP posts:
Rikalaily · 13/11/2011 09:17

Yes he is a prick and not just for staying out all night. He could have sat in the pub with you while his friend had a bath, most people meet thier mates at the pub, not leave thier wife sat there like a lemon. He complained about you being on 'his night out'! He looked mad because you were talking to an old school friend, did he expect you to sit there all by yourself and talk to no-one until he blessed you with his presence? He hasn't even had the courtesy to text you letting you know he's not dead in a ditch or laying in hospital. He should have gone home with you or not long afterwards, totally selfish.

I've been where you are now, my ex would 'forget' his key and piss off to his mates house, ignoring my texts and phonecalls to see when he'd be home because I would have to wait up for him so the kids wouldn't be woken by his drunken banging on the door at 4am. The key word in the above sentence is ex, it was only one of many things that he did but it was one of the nails in the coffin for us, family should always come first. Life as a single mum was alot less stressful for me.

ENormaSnob · 13/11/2011 09:18

I would be very suspicious if I were you Sad

not acting like a loving husband and father is he?

macdoodle · 13/11/2011 09:20

Me too :)

AKissIsNotAContract · 13/11/2011 09:23

Are you sure she's a lesbian and it's not just a convenient cover story for their affair?

LadyBeagleEyes · 13/11/2011 09:26

I remember your first thread Op, about your husband and this woman.
I'm sorry it's still not resolved.
He needs to grow up.

Original poster
sweetness86 · 13/11/2011 09:33

Shes defo a lesbian I know 100% she is it just dont seem right to me to be hanging around with a single woman all the time waiting for her to have a bath while ur wife is stood in a pub by herself? all his friends are single too.

OP posts:
Original poster
sweetness86 · 13/11/2011 09:37

Writing this down I think Ive realised I just dont love him anymore or not enough. The way hes acted these last 6 months all my respect for him has gone .

OP posts:
youtalkintome · 13/11/2011 09:45

Completely unacceptable. Sounds like he has opted out of your marriage. I would be so embarassed if my dh treated me like that he has no respect foe you. Sorry opSad

squeakytoy · 13/11/2011 09:52

He has no respect for you. He is a tosser.

I would have his clothes in a bin bag outside the door for when he gets back. And tell him to go and stay with his wonderful lesbian friend.

I also wouldnt be 100% sure that she is lesbian. Sounds very iffy to me.

spiderpig8 · 13/11/2011 09:52

are you sure she doesn't do men too?

Original poster
sweetness86 · 13/11/2011 09:55

I know thanks he is home and apparantley its my fault I should of known to go to 'her' house instead of straight to the pub the fact of the matter is he knew I was sat in there by myself and left me there then having the audacity to moan that Im talking to another man!

Hes said sorry but not without blaming me I hate him right now!

OP posts:
ledkr · 13/11/2011 09:59

Look,I remember your thread and he was a disrespectfull twat then and he seems to have got worse.

You cannot go on like this you would be better off on your own.

Agree with those who say bag up his stuff,only id burn them not put them on the doorstep.

I have heard many stories from dh about things that go on when people stay out all night and its very rarely innocent.I go out and get bladdered sometimes but i always make it home no matter what happens and clubs only stay open untill 6 at the latest.

I too have a gay best friend,he is outrageous and is always out on the piss and getting up to all sorts,i do not have to join him tho and he doesnt expect me to always .

ledkr · 13/11/2011 10:00

Oh thats alright then Confused

MaryPoppinsMagic · 13/11/2011 10:51

He is a total arse.

The more you allow this behaviour the more it will go on, I think you need to sit down and have a very honest and open conversation.

Explain to him he can go out, see whoever however there has to be boundaries.

If he can't except this then it sounds like your marriage was over a while back.

Original poster
sweetness86 · 13/11/2011 12:50

Thankyou everyone for your advice.

OP posts:
isaac2017 · 21/06/2018 20:50

Baby’s father staying out all time. Please mums I need help or advice my head is melted I was single mum to my wee daughter since she was born (shes 5on Saturday) that’s another story the ex needed up being a complete head wreck went prison twice I had go woman’s refugee etc. But I won’t get into that one, well me & my wee daughter I’ve brought her up, but when she was 2 I met a guy on holiday (she wasn’t there) I live in Ireland he lives in England , cutting the story we did long distance for 2 years he kept begging me for a baby but I had only flown over there twice to meet his family he flew to Ireland every month for two years so my family well impressed , to cut it short I knew he was a drinker I could tell my father was & all past relationships were 😫 but this one seemed different (obv when only seeing him once a month) well last year 2017 I did get pregnant he moved over it was a nightmare I won’t go so deep into it but basically live small town everyone talking about him being a pisshead I was pregnant thought he treated me so much nicer then last one. Loads went on him pissed all time etc then had baby cake baby 7 weeks old he moved back to England but he manipulated the situation said to al his family (who are lovely I wanna move( which I said yes give me a year ive just had a baby & my daughter has only started primary 1 one week earlier, found out he into a load of drugs he was doing when he was here I never knew I don’t take them earning £400 a week not giving me any money then found out he doing it all over there talking to his family, he broke my heart he walked out open our son 7 week old and he sent took load drugs for 6 months in another country , I’m the biggest softest person I was so hurt I thought abought sucide 2 days before Xmas I rang the Samaritans I spoke to a guy..... he made me feel better , but far forward 4 months this guy persuaded me to come back & he has improved loads but I said ever take drugs again it’s a no no, so he been over he doing well last 2 months then fri he came back after 21 hours no phone not answereinf no idea who he with couldn’t sleep seen straight away he on the coke .... what do I do there’s so much more I can’t explain but tonight he text be back to see his son at 7 it’s nearly 9 n nothing, phone off, bearing on mind Father’s Day just passed I went take him out for meal but he went mental after 5 mins and took my son away, so I was left in city with my daughter , please help me I love him I’m not in love with him it’s easier with having the extra hands but I’ve been on my own for so long I lni I could do it again

Banana8080 · 21/06/2018 23:07

What do you mean ‘my baby sitter’ surely it’s a joint sitter?

Either way it ain’t right and you know it xx

FASH84 · 21/06/2018 23:13

@isaac2017 you need to start your own thread to get responses

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