To think DP is being an arse by saying 'we are short staffed at work'

[Shinyshoes1]

Long story short.

Our 2 DS's were sexually abused by a family member, AFAIK, DS1 was moreso than DS2. This is irrelevant though

This has taken 2 years to get to court. We are SOOOOO near the end after a 5 week trial we are looking at a verdict Monday or Tuesday.

The jury went out last Tuesday. DP has been there majority of the days since last Tuesday. We knew it would probably be Monday or Tuesday but didnt want to miss the verdict if it came in earlier. DP has just told me he is off Monday but not Tuesday as they are 'short staffed'

AIBU to call him a cunt and tell him these are exceptional circumstances, he has a letter from the lead detective outlining it might take 6 weeks (this is for DP work puropses if he gets called out at a moments notice). His work should come second , his family should come first

Fuck 'short staffed' I'm sure a borough council can fucking manage without DP.

I am fucking livid. He has gone to bed thinking there is nothing wrong in what he has said and I am speechless

Also there is no need to turn up because you will be informed of the verdict ( but I can understand you wanting to be there)

Did you manage to talk to your DH this morning shiny?

Hope it went OK if you did.

I can understand why you want to be there for the verdict but does it need to be both of you?

If your DS's go on to need any sort of counselling etc, this would require time off. Is he perhaps thinking ahead? So it looks to his employer that he has been as reasonable as possible.

I should imagine that it is after the focus of the court/criminal case case has shifted, it may re-hit you all.

I think part of the healing process is going on a family holiday afterwards, so don't be too harsh on Fabby.

Does your DH actually want to be in court for the verdict? Maybe he would prefer to findo out the outcome in a more private setting?

I was wondering if he's just finding it too much to deal with, as well. Would it be viable to take turns at court? Your posts gave the impression you're both there for the main part of the day; that must be a massive amount of ongoing tension for you all.

Employers do have their compassionate limits, and they vary a lot. X1 and I were involved in helping the police break a crime ring (long story.) Both our employers were really good about letting us take time off at the cops' request but, when it came to the terribly exciting car chase, X got to rush out of work and join in, while my boss decided my presence would make more difference at work than in our personal police drama. They were right, actually - only one of us was needed for identification - but I was pissed off!

I'm very sorry your family's been going through this, and admire you for doing the right thing in prosecuting the perpetrator. It must have been nightmarish. I realise my story's no comparison at all ... just emphasising that employers do need their employees to work, while personal dramas can become so consuming that you lose the ability to think outside it for compromise.

Hope you've made up with DH, and that you get the verdict you want.

Is there somebody who would have to give up leave already arranged if he was not there?

Would his absence affect the delivery of front-line services to the public?

If the answer to either question is Yes that makes a difference!

I think you are being too simplistic about this.

You say his boss would understand, and maybe he would understand, but that's not going to solve the problem of getting the work done in your husband's absence. Especially if they have other people off on annual leave or off sick. People are entiltled to stay home just as much because they have holiday booked or they are ill, your husband does not have priority for time off. It sounds like he has already had lots of time off, and it's not just about his boss being understanding, it's about letting down his colleagues as well.

I think if you knew that the verdict was likely to take this long to come, he should have gone to work last week instead.

OP This dreadful experience is the biggest thing in your lives at the moment - of course it is - but you can't expect it to be the biggest thing in the lives of DH's colleagues who may also have reasons for not being at work.

My Public Sector employer would not understand.

I havnt read the whole thread, just skimmed it as cooking aswell, but is it possible he might find the verdict very difficult and be "hiding" behind work? H is being an arse, but maybe he's scared?