to stand up for a relation

[HeyNonnyNonnyMouse]

at a family event where they are treated as nothing more than an irritation by other family members?

This person, let's call them 'Sally', is always invited to family gatherings at a house where there is a dog and a cat. Sally is badly allergic to them and doses up on antihistamines before going. The problem is that even so, she still breaks out in a highly visible rash when they get too close.

Despite politely mentioning this, she has been told that it's too difficult to keep the pets out of the room and elsewhere. This is a multi-bedroomed house that also has a garden.

Would I be unreasonable to point out that new-fangled invention, the door next time it happens? Just to make it clear, Sally doesn't invite herself, but there are in-law relations to her (though blood relations to me). Sally would be quite able to do this for herself, but she doesn't like to rock the boat with her inlaws who are (to my mind) acting unforgivably badly as hosts. I've had just about enough of standing by and watching it and am anticipating a bit of a showdown to be honest...

And let the flaming commence... ;-)

If I was Sally I would say I was staying at home unless they could keep the animals out of the room. And mean it.

yanbu to stick up for her, and well done if you do

How rude. Yes, I think it would be good of you to say something, seeing as they're your blood relations.

Hope "Sally" is okay.

Would it make much of a difference if the animals were shut away? I don't know how it works, but wouldn't there be animal hair/'things' floating about the house all the time?

I think YWBU to do it for her, she has to make the choice not to go or to speak up, for herself.

YANBU to put the point across for her, but ultimately the owners of teh pets are doing nothing wrong. Their house, their pets, their rules.

If Sally is that bothered, she should offer to host events at her house so it's not a big deal if she misses one of the others if she chooses not to go.

I would be mortified if any of my guests were uncomfortable and didn't feel they could say anything if I didn't notice.

Allergies are very unpleasant and if you did say something it may rock the boat but perhaps make them realise that 'Sally' is very uncomfortable.

In my family we always say what we think however my inlaws are still getting used to my ways - after 7 years!!

YANBU

YANBU. Perhaps if you stand up for her, the family might take her allergy more seriously and you would be the better person for it.

Thank-you for speedy replies! I imagine she would host events if she could, but they tend to be birthday gathering types for the adult children of the house. Sally is okayish in my house as long as I vacuum before she comes over and temporarily evict the cat from the lounge.

It's the tension between their house, their rules, and their invite, their responsibility as hosts that's made me doubt myself!

My SIL is allergic to cats and dogs. I wouldn't dream of making her feel ill by insisting on keeping mine around when she comes to see us. How inconsiderate. YANBU.

Do they like Sally? Or are they just inviting her because they think they should?

Cherries post made me think that if they keep doing it maybe they don't like her and don't really want her to come?

It's showing they don't really respect her I think.

Fair enough it's their house and perhaps they don't think they should change how they are when they don't have guests (like my FIL ), but having a strong allergy isn't the same as having a preference for a certain type of coffee and insisting they get it in, it's a genuine reason for them to keep the cats/dogs away from her.

they are being rude rude rude. so please do say something and report back. poor sally

AgentZZ, I think that in all probability, you've hit the nail on the head. As far as I'm concerned, everyone is free to like / dislike whomsoever they choose, but this is tantamount to bullying.

I shall report back, and fill in more (probably irrelevant but interesting if you like to read about familial drama!) later on if I have time...

YANBU,
We have friends who have a gorgeous labrador, sadly I am allergic to cats and dogs. When invited over, the dog is shut in another room and although you can't get rid of all dog hairs, it does make a difference to my asthma.
As it doesn't happen that often, it doesn't seem to be a problem. I think your relatives are being really selfish and inconsiderate, especially if have a large house and garden. Especially difficult if they are her in-laws. You don't want to start world war III, but she maybe feels unable to say anything as she is not a blood relative. Is there someone there who would be more sympathetic you could ask?

YANBU - My 8 year old niece is allergic to the cat (not really badly) so we do a bit of extra hoovering and shove the cat outside before she comes.

Yanbu and well done. This is a really poor way of treating someone they have invited to their house.

YANBU. If you invite someone to your house, you make them as comfortable as you can.

YANBU. How rude of them! We have 3 indoor cats and my mum is very allergic. When she comes over we shut the cats away in a bedroom, thoroughly clean and air the house out and offer her antihistamines when she gets here. We do the same whenever anyone is coming to the house even the BT guy for instance. Anything else is just rude and to treat family that way is inexcusable.

They quite clearly don't care about her. IME you can't make people care.

I would try appealing to their better nature first and then I would get stroppy and remove the cat/dog myself and say LOUDLY "Sally as come out in this terrible rash, the cat will be fine in here til we've finished socialising".

I've got cats and dogs and the merest hint of someone not really liking animals I put them in the bedroom.

YANBU, I would shut the animals out of the room and when queried, look confused and say about Sally and how it seemed an obvious thing to do.