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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset I wasn't invited?

25 replies

wifey6 · 12/11/2011 22:19

Feel this whole week has been about my toxic sisters....today has been no different. My youngest sisters birthday is a few days away & I wa told my mum would be taking her & her friends out for a meal (she is a teen). I even texted to say I hope they all had a fab time...
Only to go on Facebook & find loads of pictures of the meal with my two other sisters there. I'm gutted. I wasn't even told they were going...let alone asked if I wanted to go to share in my sisters birthday meal.
I should of expected this...it happens often...but tonight really hurt.

OP posts:

molepom · 12/11/2011 22:20

Ouch.

Will you mention this to them?

Original poster

wifey6 · 12/11/2011 22:22

I have just messaged my mum...casually asking if they had a nice time & (politely) asked why I wasn't invited. The answer: they didn't have their kids this weekend. Dont see what the problem is.
I'm gutted!

OP posts:

spugglers · 12/11/2011 22:22

That's not very nice. I would ask them why you were left out.

molepom · 12/11/2011 22:23

So they didnt ask you because you had the kids? I take it from your username that your H would have had them for you..so...

I can see why you are gutted.

AurraSing · 12/11/2011 22:24

Do you usually get on with your sisters?

Original poster

wifey6 · 12/11/2011 22:25

My DH would of had our DS & driven me if there wasn't room in my mum's car....as he knows how much it would of meant to me. I feel like a fool for being treated this way.

OP posts:

WhoWhoWhoWho · 12/11/2011 22:25

How rude. Anyone would be upset.

Can I ask what you get from keeping a relationship with the lot of them??

Original poster

wifey6 · 12/11/2011 22:26

aurra....we have always had a tough relationship....them putting me down...excluding me & not respecting me.

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 12/11/2011 22:26

possibly because they know you refer to them as 'toxic' yabu - I am not being nasty - but it sounds like you don;t have a good relationship.

I am sorry you are hurt though x

QuintessentialShadow · 12/11/2011 22:26

Would your teen sister even want her adult sisters out on a birthday meal with her friends? I am surprised you wanted to come...

Original poster

wifey6 · 12/11/2011 22:27

who....I get nothing...but heartache. I have stopped (in the last week) having much contact...as its always me messaging them. If I didn't message them...then it would be months without contact.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 12/11/2011 22:28

Would you have gone without your kids? Are you much older than your sisters? You describe them as your "toxic" sisters so maybe they know you don't like them and the feeling is mutual. If I described someone as toxic I wouldn't be expecting them to invite me out, family or not. I'd probably have more sympathy if you were upset at not being invited out to your "fun and lovable" sister's birthday meal, but being upset at not being invited to a "toxic" sister's event sounds odd.

ReindeerBollocks · 12/11/2011 23:00

If incidents like this occur regularly, then I'm not surprised OP labelled her sisters as toxic.

OP, decide how much contact you need to keep you happy, but not too much to avoid you getting hurt. I think it was a bit cruel to exclude you if the rest of your family was there.

AgentZigzag · 12/11/2011 23:04

Why would going have meant so much to you when it was to spend time with people who consistently put you down and shit on you from a great height?

pigletmania · 12/11/2011 23:08

YANBU, but given that you don't get on with them, its to be expected really. They do not sound very nice, and I would just back off tbh.

thatboysmum · 12/11/2011 23:09

Did you post recently about your sister and no acknowledgement of cards you sent? (apologies if not)

Original poster

wifey6 · 13/11/2011 07:58

Hi everyone....my battery went! My teen sister (whos meal it was) is very lovely...we get on well. I would of gone to of spent time with her & my mum.
I do not refer to my sisters as 'toxic' to them or to anyone other than on MN.
I did post about an unacknowledged birthday card/money a week or so ago.

OP posts:

Crabapple99 · 13/11/2011 08:03

How about telling your teen sister that you are sorry you missed her meal, and inviting her out just the two of you as a birthday treat? She is only a teen, do not off load your bitterness onto her, keep it cheerful and don'tmention not being invited to the other meal.

Original poster

wifey6 · 13/11/2011 08:07

crab....it's as though you read my mind! I have invited her to mine later for her present....I never off-load on her. As you said...it wouldn't be fair. Thank you

OP posts:

Magneto · 13/11/2011 08:21

Op that was really horrible of them butseriously, why do you keep going back to them and expecting them to treat you better?

My mum has two older sisters who I would definitely describe as toxic, incidents range from attempting to electrocute her when she was 5 and they were teenagers to telling her that a 6th consecutive miscarriage is "gods way" of making you appreciate what you already have and then siding with her ex husband and reporting her to social services for no reason.

My mum still loves them, still tries to stay in contact and it drives me mental. It's quite clear they don't care about her and never will in fact they go out of their way to hurt her as much as possible. Yet she still loves them. My mum and her sisters are in their 50s and 60s now and nothing has ever changed, it never will and it breaks my mums heart.

I really hope you can steer clear of them or they have a miraculous change of heart and start being nicer to you, however ime people like that don't change.

iscream · 13/11/2011 08:25

That's what I was going to suggest as well.
Have a lovely time with your ds.

Original poster

wifey6 · 13/11/2011 08:26

magneto.....I'm so sorry to hear how your mum has been/being treated. That's just awful. I have always tried as they have my nieces and nephews....even though they don't bother with my DS. But I have now decided to message my nieces & nephew through their own phones etc. I am one from the youngest so they have always pushed me around.

OP posts:

thatboysmum · 13/11/2011 12:05

I asked because it doesn't seem to be the first time you've been excluded etc. I would honestly only make an effort with those who make an effort with you, it's not right how your being treated.
I would just do what crabapple99 suggested and make arrangements just the two of you. Have you ever just outright asked what their problem is?

Original poster

wifey6 · 24/11/2011 15:03

Hi everyone...just a massive thank you really! Thanks to you all & other lovely MNetters on my other related posts...I have cut contact with my sisters since these incidents. I feel happier...liberated & finally moving on with my life properly. Thanks to the advice...kindness & support from you lovely people. Thank you

OP posts:

chipmonkey · 24/11/2011 15:32

Good for you, wifey! Sadly we can't choose our relatives and I hate to see nice people being trampled on because supposedly "blood is thicker than water" Glad you're feeling liberated.

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