to suggest seeing a specialist for hitting.

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DS1 is 2 1/2 and in the last 3 months has done from little cheeky cherub to frustrated hitting, face grabbing, scratching melt down devil.

It's reached a point where they have to continually move him to 'cool down' at nursery, which he does 2 days a week. He's got particularly bad at grabbing other childrens faces and necks, in addition to doing it his mother. At a party last week he ran into the room and completely unprovoked punched another childs mum on the nose! It seemed accidental but it's in a long list.

We've tried a number of different things. Starting with firm 'no's, to then removing him to cool down and made to apologise to a smacked hand or being whipped out of a room to make his head spin. The smacking thing makes him worse, so we're back to a firm remove, hands held down, told that it hurts and apologise. If was just when he was frustrated you could nail it down, but it's also random, he just cheekily walks up to another child and grabs their face.

Nothing untoward has happened to him, nothing out of the ordinary and for a 2 1/2 boy he's extremely clever. What makes it slightly more difficult is, he's got a large vocab and is very tall for his age & stocky(he wear 4/5 yr old clothes), he weighs the same as his 5 year old sister and we are constantly asked what year in school is he.

DW1 has suggested we some some of therapist? Is this unreasonable?

DW1 ?? How many wives have you got
This must be very hard work for all of you, and if you can get some professional help, why not try it?

What does "being whipped out of a room to make his head spin" mean?

"What does "being whipped out of a room to make his head spin" mean?"

Picked up and removed at speed.

Go for it. It is definitely worth working on now. DNiece was similar, everyone in family thought she would grow out of it. She is 7 now and they actually had to cancel her birthday party in June because she had been so violent to a class member during the week. She is just out of control. Take action, you won't regret it.

I must say, although it's really upsetting and hard to deal with, it sounds like many many 2½ year olds

I think you're right CurrySpice, especially for largish kids in nursery who often use their bodies like this BUT if it's not dealt with in a consistent, co-ordinated manner it can continue.. and that is not fun. If I didn't feel my strategies were working I think I would take action, just for reassurance we were following right path.

I would suggest that a smacked hand is precisely the wrong thing to do. If he is seeing violence he may be replaying it.

Yes Alouisee obviously. As it happens we believe that smacking should not be ruled out of discipline but it should be the exception. In this case we've tried a number of different approaches, none seem to be working at present.

Does anyone have any suggestions which I have not covered?

It sounds like normal behaviour at that age, however, is there something more that is making your DW worried?

i think it's slightly unreasonable yes.

he is 2.5. a LOT of children go through a phase like this. the ones that don't are generally the biters and the pushers!

it WILL pass, I promise you. just keep on doing what you're doing. remove him from the situation, say no. then ignore and distract.

you also need to keep very close to him in social situations, in order to jump in BEFORE he hits (where possible)... he'll get it eventually.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but is it possible he just doesn't like being in nursery? This might not be relevant to you, but my DS2 used to behave in similar ways at that age when I took him to mother & toddler groups because he just couldn't cope with being in a big, hot, noisy, chaotic room full of kids. He was just overwhelmed by it all. I know he would have been the same at nursery, so if I'd needed childcare I'd have gone for a childminder instead.

I'm not saying you shouldn't see a specialist, it must be incredibly worrying and frustrating for you all. I know children who have been like this at your sons age, some have continued to be aggressive and some have completely grown out of it.

My DD has had a best friend since YR R. He is the most gorgeous, polite, kind, playful, caring child you could wish to meet. We didn't know him before DD met him at school (they are still best friends and are now both 9). To my amazement his mum told me that when he was 2 or 3 he used to go around thumping literally everyone and it was an absolute nightmare for her when he was at nursery. You would never believe it today!

I think that it might be helpful to talk to a Clinical Psychologist to talk through what might be triggering the behaviour.

However, first of all, I'd want the nursery to be taking note of exactly what's happening when he does this, exactly what he does and to whom, and then what their response is - in other word a simple Behavioural analysis to establish any patterns. This will help to see whether it''s related to something as simple as hunger, tiredness, frustration, over-stimulation and noise. Sometimes the carer's reaction can unwittingly encourage the behaviour, if it's related to attention-seeking

I think everyone concerned needs to remember that in a child this age it's wrong to see it as "aggression".

My DS2 used to push, hit and bite other children, BTW. It was related to hunger and over-stimulation, and the best approach was prevention and careful watching to see when he was starting to lose it. Incidentally, he was a very socially interested child, and is now very socially skilled

He is so young... agree with other posters that I have known horrid toddlers (including one whose cousins called her The Claw!) who are now lovely children just a couple of years later. I don't believe he will turn into the 7yo mentioned by one poster just because he is like this now.

You ask for other punishment ideas - with the punching incident at a party last week I would have taken him home so he missed the party.

Keep being consistent with your discipline and I believe you will see results eventually - hopefully soon!

I think it's not about internal factors in him, he is just a toddler. But if it were me, I would want to discuss with a specialist to ensure I and my husband were dealing with it appropriately, having it see go wrong when well-intentioned parents were not consistent and overly heavy-handed in their approach.

If you felt confident you were handling it, it would be different. But you don't, so what harm can come from researching further?