Neighbours and smoking.

[RoseC]

I think I'm cross enough at the moment to brave AIBU...

We live in a block of flats, love where we live and aren't planning on moving. Neighbours moved in downstairs a few months ago. It became immediately apparent that they are a) chain smokers and b) fry everything. They must realise these are smelly habits because they leave their windows open all the time even though it is cold here.

We share the venting system when them so our loo smells like a chippy/old pub. I dislike it but that's what you get for living in a flat.

My major, major rant is that they smoke in their kitchen/fry there so if we have the windows in our kitchen open (we both like a lot of fresh air) our flat quickly smells very strongly of either to the point that visitors have commented. I mentioned it to our landlords as they are semi-friends and I didn't want them to think it was us (strictly verboten in our T&Cs). They then spoke to our neighbours' landlord as they thought he wouldn't rent to smokers (I didn't speak to them with the intention of getting NBs into trouble but us out of potential trouble as it really smells like it's us - LL has since visited and commented on the smoke).

This morning I was taking a shower and the room smelt like smoke. I assumed it was someone on the road so left the window open to air the room. DP has just gone in and remarked that it smells. Our bathroom - and bedroom for the window was open there too - smells like we have been smoking in the room. I leant out and, sure enough, downstairs have their windows open and must have been chain smoking all day to build up that kind of stink in our flat.

My irrational fury wants to march down there and tell them how it is affecting us. I know that would BU but AIBU to be hacked off that, if they clearly think it smells in their flat, their solution is not to smoke less or fry less, but to open their windows and inflict it on us? We chose a non-smoking flat for a reason and our LLs impose a non-smoking rule for the same reason. Why should we be impacted more than them?

[Disclaimer: I have a possibly irrational hatred of smoking as my maternal GPs both died when I was a baby due to GF's chain-smoking habit (emphysema & lung cancer) that also made my DM very very ill and means she still catches every lung infection going today. I know they have as much right to be in a public space smoking as I do as a non-smoker and that they have a right to smoke in their private flat - it's the open windows that bother me.]

I hate smoking but you can't tell someone what to do in there own home! Yanbu to not like it but there is nothing you can do about it!

It's because I can't do anything about it that it makes me so furious!

Move then.
They're smoking and cooking in their own home, what right have you to interfere.
I also find it hard to believe the smell could be as bad as you say
You're being ridiculous.

Before I moved in, believe me, I would have found it hard to believe a smell like that could be in a non-smoking flat.

I have lived with smokers before - who have smoked outside - and never had a similar problem. If my DP says it smells (and he is an ex-smoker who has a lot of friends who smoke: he never notices cigarette smoke), then it really does.

What about particularly strong food smells, living next to Asians for many years was a lottery of lovely "hmm Im hungry now" odours to "omg why are they always cooking?" invest in odour neutralisers or something fgs

I don't know. My LL said they had emailed him but not got a response. It's a weird situation as they were friends with us before they became LLs and this is why I told them about the smoking - I wanted to preserve the good friendship as they are round here quite a bit and at least a mild smell is apparent once a week (less now than when we moved in as I am v careful with the kitchen window - it's the first time for the bathroom/bedroom and the strongest smell so far, that's why I'm so cross today).

I think option a) is most likely and I'll grit my teeth. I'm just annoyed because I can't open the windows to clear the smell and I don't want to sleep surrounded by smoke. If they were friendlier I would mention it to them (we are in a close cul-de-sac) but they don't really say hello even if we're out at the same time. They nod if we say hi (and we do) but that's it.

I couldn't care less about food smells (the frying is annoying, but nothing more). Smoking to me is far more disgusting and I don't see why I should invest in odour neutralisers when I haven't caused the problem: if their windows are open then they clearly either a) crave fresh air, so should cut down on the smoking or b) see it as a problem, so should cut down.

But then if they are smoking so much they have visiblity problems then why don't they see that as a sign it might be impacting on other people/a sign to cut down?

Like I said in my OP I do recognise that I have a hard-line view on smoking impacting others thanks to my GF but I genuinely can't understand (and maybe IABU, I don't know) how you can smoke that much and not see it is a problem.

visibility, sorry.

You OP is the most ridiculous thing I've read in a long time and I can't believe people in this country are so comfortably off, pampered and judgemental that they complain about something like that.

I quit smoking more than 5 years ago. I am amazed at how strong smoke smells to me now. I can actually smell it in the air walking 200 yards behind someone smoking, so I can well believe that it is that overpowering in the Rose's flat, especially as they share a ventilation system (as she says in her OP).

All of my friends smoke. I don't mind in the slightest and am far from being a holier-than-thou ex-smoker type. However, this would annoy me, and while I wouldn't march around there and demand they stop smoking and I don't think the OP has the right to do anything about this situation, I think she's perfectly entitled to have a rant about it on here.

However, I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that the neighbours are breaking the terms of their own tenancy agreement, since if they do share a venting system I would have thought that an automatic smoking ban would apply to linked properties.

You're very lucky this is your major problem with your neighbours.

I don't like the smell of cigarette smoke or frying foodstuffs either, OP but actually, I think it doesn't take over-smoking or over-frying to generate a substantial whiff.

Sometimes somebody smokes on the pavement (5 metres at least) away from the house and a waft comes in at the open window and it's strong. It's just how it is.

What about a ventillation fan to be fitted in the windows downstairs and in your flat? The landlord(s) could do this quite cheaply, I believe, and it may help.

I agree that you can't go in guns blazing, that wouldn't be fair and it wouldn't get you anywhere either except ongoing hostility.

Maybe ask your landlord to come up with some kind of solution?

Thanks sunshine. It is precisely because I know I shouldn't march around there and also because I know I can't demand they do things differently in their private space that I am ranting on here. It has calmed me down no end!

Have you actually spoken to them about it? They probably have no idea that it affects you as you haven't actually said anything

eminence It isn't the major problem with my neighbours, as such, just the one that winds me up the most personally. There are plenty of things around here that would wind other people up (anti-social behaviour, fights outside, minor drug dealing under our windows, my aggressive neighbour immediately next door [who our LLs didn't tell us about as they thought it would put us off]) that aren't a problem for me. Some of them are the price we pay for our (comparatively) cheap rent and I am fine with that.

I may ask for a filter to be put in the kitchen window, that's a good idea Lying, thank you.

YANBU I have the same problem to the extent that people comment on it when they come to visit us. Including hardened smokers! We also can't dry stuff outside as it smells of smoke due to next door neighbour smoking outside when sunny. The smell inflitrates the whole building and drives me nuts.

I think people here don't realise just how bad the smell is. And I am an occasional smoker, so not irrationally anti-smoking at all. They must be smoking a hell of a lot to make that kind of smell. It isn't just you being sensitive.

shutupanddrive That was what prompted me to rage (to DP) about going round there until he pointed out how U that was and I calmed down enough to see it would be U.

I don't know if it would help or hinder. I certainly wouldn't like to be thinking that my neighbours were watching my every move but OTOH if they complained about anything that I could cut down on (noise, for example) I would act upon it and be mortified. I try very hard to be considerate and not bang door etc. I think generally they either don't realise or don't care - they are happy to have loud music (loud enough I can recognise the song) and slam doors into the early hours. Luckily, as I said to eminence, those sort of things don't bother me.

At the moment DP is set against me even saying something in a friendly manner so I don't think I will (I would want him to be there in spirit).

Here you go, OP: Air Vent Filters They don't appear to be sold in the UK, but you could contact them and get a postage price - or ask them to put some on ebay for you.

I found one ebay seller who ships internationally from Canada, but they don't have the carbon filter listed.

My suggestions for your windows depend on budget and how much you can be bovvered. You could get yourselves some proper HEPA air purifiers (about £80 iirc) which will, at least, come in handy for all sorts of pong and hayfever issues as needed. You can point a fan towards the window and position it to waft air outwards. You can buy baking soda (it's cheap if you buy bulk) and put trays of it on your window sills. Alternatively you could put those odour-absorbing gel pots on the sills. They should at least help.

YANBU, btw, especially as you seem to be considerate of your neighbours' needs as well as your own. (I smoke and worrying about who might be offended all the time is just too much to cope with!)