To tell DSS whats happening to his body?

[deemented]

DSS is 12. He has ASD and Apsbergers, but is functions well.

He is with us this weekend and last night he came downstairs naked. Now, whilst i think it's great that he feels so comfortable here that he can do that, i do find it inappropriate - i really don't really want to be looking at his developing body, so i encouraged him to cover up, for both our sakes.

Manshape and i both explained to him why it's not appropriate for him to wander around naked here, and this led onto a talk about puberty and whats happening to his body. He didn't know anything about it whatsoever - his mother had apparently kept him off school the days that they were discussing sex ed and personal development, and manshape thought he already knew about it all.

Poor boy thought there was something wrong with him as he'd began growing hairs and getting erections and hadn't a clue that it was normal.

He's due to go back to his mother tomorrow, so i expect her to kick off big time about the fact that we've told him about puberty, where babies come from etc.

But WIBU to have told him?

Tell her you've told him and why - quickly ffs! No NBU. Not exactly. But it might have been better to give his mum a quick bell beforehand and get to the bottom of her reluctance to.

Wow, difficult situation but I think you were absolutely right. Why on earth did his mother keep him off on the days they had sex ed?

With the disclaimer that I know nothing about stepchild relationships no, I don't think YABU. He has to know and if, at 12! his mother hasn't told him then his father (and you) have a responsibility to.

It sounds like his mum didn't discuss it with your DP, but surely he has a say in what his son knows?

She's just going to have to kick off because you can't un-tell him.

She must have known he'd 'find out' at some point, it's better he's heard it from his Dad I would have said.

YANBU to give a child that important information. Keeping children ignorant never has a positive outcome. Tell his mother that you've had the conversation but, if she 'kicks off' I would say that was entirely her problem.

This kid's mum and dad should still be parenting together. They have both messed up by not discussing together how their DS is to be informed about his body. His dad never thought about it? Asked about it? Talked to his ex about it? Joint responsibility. Poor comms on both sides have caused this.

I am separated with an autistic son who also has ADHD and his dad and I talk about stuff like this all the time.

I'm just thinking why his mum might have not wanted him to know, but your OP makes it sound as though you've both been kept in the dark as to her reasons.

Could you guess at why she might have kept him off during the classes and not brought the subject up herself?

You leave it mostly to them to tell you what stage they're at/what they've heard at school etc, so these types of conversations are usually driven by the DC asking questions, but if he hasn't she might be reluctant to 'foist' it on him IYSWIM.

I agree wholeheartedly that manshape should have spoken to him about this much sooner. I don't know why he didn't. My eldest is 7, and he knows everything, age appropriately obviously. My three year old is just starting to ask questions, and again, she'll be told the age appropriate truth.

I would get Manshape to tell her whats happened so when she kicks off she'll do it at you rather than at DSS.

I honestly don't know his mums reasoning - i stopped trying to figure out why she does anything a long time ago, tbh.

Ask her, deemented? You three could all be powerfully good for the kids if you co-operate.

Get him a copy of "Living with a Willy"

DS (15) has Asperger's. We gave him this nook when he was about 11. He is very bright, and because he is hyperlexic finds it far easier to process information from text sources than from people "speaking at him" and expecting eye contact!. He also has difficulties with processing verbal instruction/information. Books can be re-read and dipped into when information is needed, so there is no "information overload", - especially important when dealing with "embarassing" subjects.

Am that this subject hasn't been raised before. What on EARTH are his parents thinking of? We've always been very very upfront and matter-of-fact with DS about sex-ed, to the extent that he could probably write a book himself of the subject! It is SO important for ASD youngsters to be properly informed about what is happening to them

Sorry That should be "We gave him this book".