to be upset that they've got back together

[olkuja]

My brother has got back together with his ex girlfriend. They broke up about a year ago because she was violent to him (the last straw was when she hospitalised him by hitting him in the head with a spanner). He says thats shes changed and dealt with her anger issues. She is apparently very remorseful and says that he is the best thing that ever happened to her etc and that she'll never forgive herself for what shes done.
AIBU to be upset and think that with all the women out there why did he have to go back to her and to watch her like a hawk.

It's really hard in this situation :( unfortunately abusers often pull their victims back in with stories like this. All you can really do is be there for him when it he is ready to leave again and don't let yourself be forced out of his life whatever she says to him.

All you can really do is be there for him when it he is ready to leave again and don't let yourself be forced out of his life whatever she says to him.
I agree.
She may actually have her anger under control, I hope so.
Time will tell, good luck.

Anyone who has had anything to do (professionally) with DV - whichever is committing it - will know that this is about as common as cold weather in the winter. And if it's not the same abuser it's another. Sad, but there it is.

YANBU not to trust that she's a reformed character. I'd actually have one of those 'I've got my eye on you' conversations with her.

Sadly there is nothing you can do except offer your support and perhaps boost your brother's self esteem as much as possible. Abuse victims often want to believe the abuser's apologies and resume the relationship, unfortunately.

Yanbu

similar issues with my bil and his girlfriend

YANBU but this is often the way it goes it seems. I'd probably talk to her and tell her that you'll be watching and under no circumstances should you let her cutt him off from you.

YANBU but maybe have it out in the open, speak to them toghther and tell them you hope that all of the issues are sorted and they can make a go of it but that under no circumstances will a repeat be tolerated, also make it clear to your brother that if ever he needs help it is there. Ask her how her family would feel if it was the other way round and she was going back to an abuser, if she has had anger councelling she should be prepared for your very natural concerns.

YANBU.