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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

soft Play hell

31 replies

alisonsmum · 11/11/2011 16:23

ok so ive taken my dd 2.1 to soft play places before a few times, never found it easy n feel i have to watch what dd was up to but she does love to go play. I dont know how some parents can sit n chat n look relaxed because tbh i find it hellish.

anyhow this last week or so we have ventured out to soft play a few times, now i have ds 10w and dd with me and im on my own (needed to get out the house) and ive pushed n pushed myself to relax n sit back a bit but i just cant...i find the whole experience awful n stressful. especally now i usually end up with ds 10w screaming to be fed while dd2.1 demands my attention too and no longer seems to go off and play so easily

arghhhhhhh...just got back from another afternoon at soft play, am hot n sweaty n tense n feel soooooooooooo stressed. should i not bother in future or keep at it?? does it get easier?

i seem to have mastered the supermarket with them both in tow and the park and the shopping centre even its just bloody soft play...

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 11/11/2011 16:28

YANBU I loathed soft play and I only had one child.

I think maybe if you went with another mum you would relax a tiny bit more but the truth is, they are a lot of work at that age no matter what. If your baby sleeps it's doable, but rarely pleasant. Does get easier though. I think I started reading the paper when ds turned five!

ThePerfectFather · 11/11/2011 16:48

Go with a friend. I only just found a decent soft play near me and it's brilliant as long as you don't go at a weekend or during half term when it really is hellish. I never go to playgroups or soft play etc without knowing someone there or meeting someone there specifically.

If your DD isn't very physically capable (mine isn't, she's a clumsy little moo) and you feel she needs 100% supervision even here, then it might be a bit easier if you go with someone else in a similar situation.

MrsMuddyPuddles · 11/11/2011 17:24

YABU- if you can't stand soft play, then don't take her there. Take her to the library, a child-friendly cafe (some near us have toys and books to hand), a non-stuffy museum, or the park instead!

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 11/11/2011 17:26

I cant stand soft play either, my children all seemed to run in different directions and the baby would be crying it was hot, busy and frankly not ahueg amount of entertainment for the price. I would rather go to the park or if its raining just do some activities in the house.

JamieComeHome · 11/11/2011 17:27

Go only for as long as you can stand. The trouble is, because it's quite expensive, you feel you have to get your money's worth. But leave before anyone is getting stressed/pushing/biting/getting bitten.

Of course you don't have to go. And it does get easier, so leave it for now if it's too much.

altinkum · 11/11/2011 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FurryFox · 11/11/2011 17:35

I detested soft play when my dds were small and hardly ever went, they are now 6 and 3.11yrs and I have found the last year much easier. I can sit and have a coffee and they are generally fine.

ThePathanKhansWitch · 11/11/2011 17:51

YANBU, i detest them with all my heart. I told my DD our local one had burned down, i have her birthday party there tomorrow with 28 children .

They are so noisy and intense, horrible artificial light, i always say they are great if you like children Grin.

They don't even sell alcohol to take the edge off. Can't wait until i never have to step inside the hell that is a soft play centre again.

headfairy · 11/11/2011 17:56

I wouldn't go if you hate it so much. The soft play place very near to us was a life saver after dd was born, ds has so much energy, I'd just had my second section and it was midwinter, so being able to take him somewhere and let him charge around for a couple of hours was a Godsend. But that was me. I don't think it would have tolerated it if I hated it.

Mind you, I have spent far more hours than is healthy designing my perfect soft play place. With really really good cakes and beverages for the adults. Appealing and healthy food for the kids. No bollocks rules about not bringing in your own food or drink. Comfy sofas, a selection of papers and magazines to read, books and colouring for the quieter sorts. Maybe even a whole seperate area for quieter types. Free Wifi so adults can whinge on mumsnet do the supermarket shopping while they're there. I've even got the perfect location with a captive market sorted out. I just need a spare £150k to set it up :o

OP, go to the park instead, it's free and much healthier :)

pigletmania · 11/11/2011 18:00

I think that those sitting back and relaxing had older children, who were more independent. I personally could not do soft play with a baby and young child, would have to take dh or a friend with me.

ThePathanKhansWitch · 11/11/2011 18:01

Headfairy if my number come up tonight your on! So long as you put a Cocktail Bar in.

pigletmania · 11/11/2011 18:01

DD got SN and would need constant attention, and I am pg with dc 2, so it would mean that i leave the baby alone whilst helping dd, which is not an option.

fedupofnamechanging · 11/11/2011 18:08

DD was over 3 before I could relax a little bit at soft play. That was when she could confidently climb without assistance. I sit by the gate, so I know she cannot get out without me seeing her and I choose to go when it is quiet - first thing in the morning is a great time, as you will often only have a couple of other people there.

Maybe go with a friend who has an older child. DS loved the excuse to go on the soft play equipment while helping DD.

If you really hate it, then don't go. Your DD will be just fine going to the park instead.

headfairy · 11/11/2011 18:11

Panthan ooh lovely, my first investor.... definitely yes to a bar. A large glassed off area in the middle so we can have a drink in peace in quiet while still keeping an eye on the kids :o

Dh and I are obsessed about this because every time we go to a soft play place we sit there picking off the things we don't like. Crap lighting? Bah! No natural light? Humbug! Hideous echoing screeching? Be gone (sound baffling walls will deal with that :o)

JamieComeHome · 11/11/2011 18:17

headfairy - please could I request

  1. should not smell of chips.
  2. no poo, nappies or knickers should be found in the ball-pit.
  3. parents who look alarmed at any child over the age of 4 should be told to chill.
  4. parents of biters should be handcuffed to their children, or offered a bouncer to accompany their child.
MCos · 11/11/2011 18:25

Dear OP, all those relaxed moms probably have older children.

2.1 is still very young. I had to keep close eye on my DDs until they were 3ish. By the time youngest was 3, I sat drinking coffee, with my head stuck in a book.

BTW - I have similar age gap to you with my DDs. Make sure you feed LO as close as possible before leaving the house, and maybe try get LO to nap in car (and at soft play center). 7 years later, I still remember how much of a juggle it could be. But it does get a lot easier!

headfairy · 11/11/2011 18:47

jamie I think the bouncers are a given really to take care of tutting parents, poos/piles of vom/dirty nappies in the ball pit and the biting children so I'll add that to the list.

I think we'd have to pipe lavender essential oil around to everyone feels chilled, and then when we need to shift a few cakes we'll pump around the smell of baking bread and cakes (just taking my cue from the supermarkets :o)

Original poster
alisonsmum · 11/11/2011 19:00

thankyou for sooo many replies, i think part of the problem with keeping shoving my dd in there is that i worry shes missing out on interaction with other children. we do go to another play group which is a hall type set up with toys and games scattered around and im muchhhhhh more relaxed there.

i agree that those more relaxed looking parents do seem to have older children. i desperately want to do my best for my dd and give her fun filled days even when im feeling crap on 4 hours sleep with ds up every 2-3 hours still

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 11/11/2011 19:11

I think interaction with other children can be overrated. At this age they tend to play alongside, rather than with other children. It won't be too long before your 2 children are playing together and your dd will be at nursery soon enough.

I couldn't stand toddler groups and had a few fears about dd socialising. She has just started nursery and is fine playing with the other children, whereas some of the children who went to toddler groups have not settled well, so I don't think it makes any difference in the long term to their ability to play well with others.

Do you have any friends with dc? I used to meet up with my friend and god daughter so dd could play, but mostly she has been with her siblings and it hasn't held her back when it comes to making friends.

If this is the only reason you suffer soft play, then it's okay to stop. no harm will be done.

ExquisiteCake · 11/11/2011 19:40

I hate soft play. I hate the types that dwindle around there, and I hate the germs.

I have a 20 month old and one due in 2 weeks so will be in your situation soon-but I just don't go. Hideous places.

perceptionreality · 11/11/2011 20:04

I hate soft play - completely agree. Once, I couldn't find my dd in there and I panicked. The feeling of not being able to see where they are is beyond stressful!

YANBU!

halcyondays · 11/11/2011 20:04

Yes, the relaxed looking mums probably have slightly older children, soft play is a lot easier if your children are 3 or older, as they don't usually need so much help then. Either that or they have a very "relaxed" approach to parenting! I wouldn't ve gone to a soft play on my own when I had a2 year old and a baby, we'd only have gone if dh was there. During the week, we just went to parent and toddler groups, much easier. Now they are 5 and 3, it's a lot easier to take them to soft play, even though dd1 has Aspergers and dd2 might have it as well. Going to the playground was hard when they were 3 and 1, and shopping centres are still a nightmare with both of them now.

Original poster
alisonsmum · 11/11/2011 20:19

karmabeliever...yes i take dd to interact with other children and its my guilt for keeping her at home all day that makes me take her. im on mat leave atm and tbh am finding it hard to meet with friends with dc as they are out at work..
trying to get dd into a nursery after christmas purely to interact with other kids..not for childcare issues and im totally worried about leaving her and how she will cope. went to see the nursery last week and it seems lovely, outstanding offsted report but i havent filled the application in yet as im am more than a little worried about it all lol but thats anothert thread entirely!

OP posts:
Original poster
alisonsmum · 11/11/2011 20:25

perceptionreality- not being able to see her but hear her crying totally turned my stomach..i went rushing in there to get her out. turns out she was just stuck and didnt know how to come down the steps as they were quite steep and not the way she'd got up in the first place.

think im gonna give it a miss for a while..isnt really worth the stress. i just want her to be happy i suppose and i dont want my insecurities about her being there stop her from enjoying herself.

we do lots at home, baking, painting, play doh, reading and the like but i just feel incredably guilty for having her at home.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 11/11/2011 20:25

I was worried about my dd starting nursery, because she was very shy and reluctant to talk to adults that she didn't know, but she has been fine and it has really helped her to overcome her shyness. The nursery will start her off with just a couple of hours at a time until she settles and feels comfortable. in the end it was harder for me than it was for dd, because she was excited and i was worried! And if your dd doesn't like it, you can always wait a few months and try again when she is a bit older.

I honestly wouldn't feel guilty about not going out much. It really won't do her any harm.