No routine at 5 months

[SusieCoo]

I am due to go back to work in 4 weeks when my baby will be 6m. He is my third child and will be going to the same childminder as my other children. He is currently exclusively bf on demand, he falls asleep on me after feeding sometimes and also drops off in the buggy and car. As a result we don't have a set routine. My childminder is due to start having him for a couple of mornings a week from next week. I am starting to get really irritated by the fact that she keeps asking me about whether I've got a routine yet and sadly mentions all the time that as i haven't got one it will be difficult (cue loud sigh). She even called me laissez faire once which I really am not, I just don't see the point of forcing a routine when it will all change when I go back to work anyway. AIBU?

YANBU to have no routine at 5 months, but the childminder is NBU to want one!

Presumably the childminder won't be able to hold him to sleep after feeds. If she doesn't know when he might be hungry how will she plan for school runs and toddler groups? It's not like she can whip a boob out as and when. Have you tried the baby with bottles and formula or are you just going to send him to the childminder and hope for the best?

Of course I don't expect her to hold him to go to sleep, he can settle himself it's just that he more often falls asleep on me. I will obviously ensure he is taking his new formula ok, not just send him with a bottle and hope t

Sorry, for the best. It is somewhat complicated, I believe, by the fact that the formula he needs is unpleasant so very difficult for me to combine with bf myself. I do not expect the cm to do the hard work for me, I genuinely believed she would be more unhappy if I demanded a rigid routine anyway as reflected by her asides about parents who have used Gina Ford. Can't win.

Has he had the formula? My GP said not to bother trying at 6 month as he was too old and would reject it so I kept BF.

I know what you mean about GF types but no routine at all is the opposite end of the spectrum.

obv laissez-faire is a bit cutting and Not Very Nice

CMs have to gather info at the beginning of a new arrangement, to satisfy rules and regs; she's prolly getting a bit edgy because there's a form to fill in (all about me kinda thang) and starting points to consider

Your baby will prolly fall into a routine naturally about the time she starts at the CM; don't sweat it

You could even say the routine goes: milk, nap, play, milk, nap, play, milk, nap, play and PA her to death

OP - of course you 'can win', there's scads of middle ground here. Look for some.

I've got so much I could say, but I'll settle with YABU

'Demanding a rigid routine'

v

Handing over a baby who feeds to sleep or drops off in pram or car and has no routine.

Yes, all babies fall into one of those two pigeon-holes.

YANBU. I don't know why an experienced childminder would be so worried about such a young baby having a 'routine' at home. He will have a different routine with the childminder anyway and he will have to get used to her way of doing things. My babies both breastfed on demand at home and fell asleep with me, but bottlefed with the childminder and fell asleep in pram or cot. You probably already have a routine of sorts at home without realising it. Your baby will continue to eat and sleep at the childminder's, but in a different way. The one thing I would make sure of before you go back to work is that he will take the bottle of formula, as you say.

My CM says that babies she looks after often nap longer at her house than they do at home, because being around other children stimulates and tires them out more and they need more sleep.

He will be fine. Follow your instincts and don't worry!

YABU.

I think you need to start writing down what your baby does every day and noticing what patterns are in it. You'll probably find that it's wake, eat, play, sleep, wake, eat, play, sleep (repeating every 3-4 hours during the day). If not, then it would only be fair on your CM to start implementing some sort of regular pattern. As you're introducing formula, it would be a good time to start writing down at least when feed times are. At six months, you'll probably notice baby is hungry when she first wakes, at mid morning, mid afternoon, around 5pm and before bed? (give or take)

It would be a good time for you to give your baby the gift of regular and comfortable sleep too. Sorry if that sounds a bit judgy but sleep is SOOOOO important for mental and physical growth. It's not really fair on a baby to not be allowed the opportunity for a decent, uninterrupted sleep during the day. How would you feel if you only ever got to sleep upright in a buggy in noisy places? I know I'd feel cranky and exhausted. Like I feel after a long flight.

I know it's hard to do with a number 3 baby but in the long run it will be better for everyone: you, CM and baby to have some regularity in your day.

Good luck with the return to work.

My DD has only in the last couple of months found herself a 'routine'. She's 17mo. Has been at nursery since 7mo.

They asked me what her routine was - it was 'she eats when she's hungry and sleeps when she's tired'. When she's with me, until a couple of months ago, she would only sleep in the pushchair, unless I bf to sleep. At nursery she slept in a cot. They're not going to push her round for hours until she slept, so she adapted to fit.

I've never forced her to do anything I didn't feel she/I was up to, call me lazy Now, the routine she's fallen into is very close to her day at nursery (she's there 2 days, we've got alternative childcare arrangements for the others).

DD was quite happy to have structure on childcare days, and not so much on home days. You might find your DS is the same OP.

I totally AM laissez faire in my approach to child rearing and I don't see it as an insult.

I have an 8 month old and have never had a fixed routine, always breast fed on demand, let her feed herself solids, nap when she likes etc

She is a really happy baby and I am a really happy Mummy, I know my isn't the only right way but it suits us fine.
Dare I say it we are even developing a routine of our own without me even noticing that much...maybe writing it down would bring it to light as others have suggested.

Don't be defensive of how you do things, it's your 3rd so you know what your doing. More likely than not your LO will adapt to whatever routine your CM feels like she wants to do.
Good luck with everything.

YANBU. As a childcare worker myself I find it easier when children don't have a rigid routine so that we can find one ourselves that suits us.