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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU keeping my daughters hair long?

51 replies

waybuloothebelt · 10/11/2011 15:42

Hi, my daughter is 6.5 and hates having her hair brushed. It's just past her sholders at the moment. It's a very deep auburn, increadably thick and just looks gorgeous. She often wears it in plats which helps to keep it tangle free.
She keeps saying she wants short hair like a boy, despite being a very girly girl. She says it's because she doesn't like having it brushed. (She also couldn't, or wouldn't do it herself)
She did have it in a short bob for about a year, due to this problem. It was a lot easier, but just didn't look as nice. In the end, she chose to grow it because she wanted plats and bunches etc.
Now it's grown so much, and is looking so lovely, I really don't want to cut it short again. Is that selfish of me? (I know you'll say yes.) I also don't want her to say after another few months that she wants her long hair back, when she realises she can't have many different styles.
We use industrial conditioner, detangling spray and a tangle teaser (which only gets through the top layers.)

OP posts:

sabrinathemiddleagedwitch · 10/11/2011 17:29

YABU. Its her hair. Grow your own hair if you like long hair. My friends mother wouldn't let her have her hair cut when we were kids and in the end I did it, badly, and we pretended we had been jumped by a gang of scissor wielding toughs. That was over 30 years ago and she still has short hair. She likes short hair.

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 10/11/2011 17:34

YAB a bit U..but I completely understand!
Both of my DDs had long hair at that age and then DD1 wanted hers cut short as she hated it being messed about with..I gave in reluctantly, and kept about 7 inches of the cut hair

However hair grows fast, it does it good to have a good chop and it is nice to give her choice! Just don't sob in the hairdressers...:D

cjbk1 · 10/11/2011 21:55

*plaits
YABU

Original poster

waybuloothebelt · 11/11/2011 10:25

Don't you like plaits? I thought every body did. It's a fairly standard hairstyle for a 6 year old.....isn't it?

OP posts:

Ephiny · 11/11/2011 10:29

YABU. I had my hair cut short at that age, partly because I hated the lengthy washing and drying process and the painful detangling and brushing. At that age surely practicality is more important than looking 'gorgeous'!

Anyway it'll grow back, it's not a permanent decision!

rockinhippy · 11/11/2011 10:45

YADNBU!!!!!!! - I've had similar issues with my DDs waist length hair, though hers does sound easier to manage - she too wanted it short - pixie cut recently, but she is so fickle - as they all are that age I wouldn't allow it - she was allowed a few inches & restyle instead - which she loves & now tells me she is so glad I stopped her "being silly & doing something she would regret"

I've seen our friends also very girly DD demand they crop her long hair, - they did & she wailed & wailed afterwards & even now months down the line she is really upset by it & feels embarrassed by her hair :( - yes hair grows again, but slowly & yes its good they learn consequences early, but IMHO learning low self esteem because they don't like the results is a bit too harsh -

Ephiny · 11/11/2011 10:50

Well if you really think she'll hate it and regret having it cut, then YANBU of course. I just don't think it's fair to make her keep it long because you think it looks nicer that way.

moonbells · 11/11/2011 10:50

I had the opposite problem as a girl - my mum kept my hair at a length midway between shoulder and elbow, when all my friends had waist-length hair. Then when purdey-cut bobs came in, she wanted me to have it cut like them. I resisted. We kept an uneasy status quo for another couple of years and then I put my foot down (I was then about 12) and said I didn't want it cutting, I didn't want a fringe and I wanted to finally say I had hair I could sit on. Rebel that I am, I didn't cut it for 5 years. Fringe never grew to the same length as the rest of my hair but it did merge in with it. My record was 44" from top parting to the bottom.

I have never had it cut short. Ever. Currently between waist and bum and plaited. Still a rebel. Will prob only ever crack when I start greying which can't be too long now as I'm 44.

I have a DS and he has fine hair but lots of it, in a puddingbowl/Christopher Robin style, and he utterly loathes having it brushed or cut! But it's forever getting tangled at the back. You can't win sometimes!

TheSmallClanger · 11/11/2011 11:00

YABU, precious and daft.

A little girl is a person, not a dolly for mummy to play hairdresser with, no matter how nice her hair is. If she hates the brushing and faffing that goes with long hair, you need to relieve her of it. It is only hair.

I was not allowed to cut my hair until I was 14. I hated the daily brushing, the fact that it took ages to wash and dry. When I hit my teens, it was too long to even put up properly, and even a high ponytail (this was the mid 80s) made my scalp ache. I've never looked back from my drastic haircut, and oddly, my hair has usually looked thicker and in better condition since.

switchtvoffdosomelessboring · 11/11/2011 11:13

I remember getting my waist length blonde hair cut into a spike when I was about 11 (it was the 80's). It concided with pre pubescent chubbiness and at the time reversible padded jumpers and tartan jeans were in 'fashion'.

Even now I cringe when I look back at photos. So I think YAB a little U, but before the chop I'd try some good hair products that might make brushing easier (and maybe she will change her mind)

TheSmallClanger · 11/11/2011 11:16

What is wrong with having a few "unwise" hair choices in the back of your style wardrobe? If you can't get away with a dodgy barnet when you are 13, when can you get away with it?

I honestly don't understand why girls' hair is thought of as such a precious and important commodity. It's hair FFS. Even dogs have it.

heleninahandcart · 11/11/2011 11:35

Have you tried afro hair products? Go easy, these are serious de tanglers!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 11/11/2011 15:01

One thing to consider before having it cut short is that it may need regular trimming by a professional, which is a pain for a child and could also be expensive. Of course that depends on the style.

PrincessScrumpy · 11/11/2011 15:04

try a tangle teaser and a water spray!

2kidsintow · 11/11/2011 18:47

I had the opposite problem as a kid and am now experiencing it with my DD too. I have a photo hanging on my wall with myself and my sisters, all with a 'pageboy' haircut. The rule was, until we could look after it ourselves we would have short hair.

My DDs have hair that is longer than shoulder length and it looks pretty. Whenever my DD complains about the brushing of her hair too much she has it cut....not as extreme as mine was, but to shoulder length so it is a bit more manageable. My DD1 has grown hers out now she is 10 as she looks after it herself and doesn't complain if she has to have it brushed.

Nanny0gg · 11/11/2011 19:11

Why is the only option to have it cut like a boy's?
Have you taken her to a good hairdresser to discuss options?

whackamole · 11/11/2011 20:15

I would cut it. As Greygirl says, better to find out she doesn't like it short now than when she is a teen and it devastates her!

whackamole · 11/11/2011 20:15

And also it is complete bollocks that cutting your hair makes it wiry.

blackeyedsusan · 11/11/2011 20:24

do you plait it at night? it really helps to keep the tangles down

Jellybellydancer · 11/11/2011 20:54

YABU

My mum wouldn't let me cut my long frizzy tangled hair when I was a child. As soon as I was 12 she trusted me to go to the hairdressers for a trim, and I got a bob cut in.

She was so mad that she went back to the hairdressers and told them off. She always moaned that her mum wouldn't let her grow her hair which was why she insisited I had mine long.

Still annoys me now!

rogersmellyonthetelly · 11/11/2011 21:10

I third cowboy magic or canter detangler. Gets through mud encrusted dread locks in the horses tail and is also fab on Dd's long curly locks.

Magnumwhite · 11/11/2011 21:16

when I was about 7, all the girls in my class had bobs. My mum loved my loved my long fair hair and wouldn't let me have it cut.

I was desperate to fit in as most kids are .....so i took a pair of scissors and chopped it off! Got my way in the end :-)

Popbiscuit · 11/11/2011 21:21

I actually prefer little girls to have bobs or pixie cuts; much more practical. However, do make sure you get a good stylist who understands your daughter's hair type. I begged my mum for a crop when I was about 9 and ended up with a spiky, punky, 80's rocker style haircut. The sticky-up bits bothered me so much I tried to cut them off myself which did not end well at all.

mummyloveslucy · 12/11/2011 15:44

Well, I've made her an appointment. He can't fit her in until the 25th, so that gives her a bit of time to change her mind. He's the top man in the salon, so hopefully should be good. I'll let her hair grow to a sholder length bob between cuts, to keep the cost down a bit as he does charge a small fortune a lot.

DMCWelshCakes · 12/11/2011 16:22

I am the proud owner of waist length wavy hair & DiddyDragon has the same. Her hair's far too thick to be short as it'll stick out in all directions & give her a thatch effect rather than hair (I have the horrendous photos from the 80s to prove this).

Clearly we need horse detangler. Is there anywhere that sells it online?

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