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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not take the ex up on his offer of babysitting?

21 replies

workshy · 10/11/2011 12:12

I have had to take the day off today unpaid because DD1 has been up all night throwing up

her dad doesn't work thursdays -I rang him at 8am and he has only just returned my call, he can't have her today as he is cleaning??? never did when he lived with me

however it's parents evening tonight, can't leave the DDs home alone so asked if he wants to go

he says no as he doesn't know where their classrooms are says something doesn't it but he will babysit at my house so I can go

3 months ago I found out he had been using DD1s key to get into my house when I wasn't here, so I changed the locks and told him he was no longer welcome, and he has pretty much been a git ever since

I don't want him in my house but am I being over the top?

it would be half an hour max

OP posts:
PrunellaFromageDeQuiche · 10/11/2011 12:21

No not at at all unreasonable or over the top. He'd be going through your drawers as soon as you were out the front door!
Can you take your children with you to parents evening?

WardrobeYeti · 10/11/2011 12:24

Don't do it. Unless you want your things rifled through or him to find another key that he can copy. The fact that he's been a git ever since you took away his ability to get into the house says a lot about him. I can't imagine him restraining himself even if it is just half an hour- he'd probably make the most of it he could.

redskyatnight · 10/11/2011 12:24

Obviously there is some history here. but on the face of it ...

I wonder if "cleaning" is code for "the house is not in a suitable condition for ill DD to be in".

Why did you not invite him to the parents' evening originally? (even if you thought he wouldn't come)

DH and I (who both take our DS to school) got lost trying to find his classroom on parents' evening but you're right it is a rubbish excuse.

I presume you have a specific reason why you are not happy for him to be in the house - if not, it does seem a bit OTT. Could you take the DC to his, or arrange another appointment instead?

DoesNotGiveAFig · 10/11/2011 12:24

Don't let him in your home, I'd fuck him off if I were you. I'm sure that's probably not the answer though given he is your DD's father.

ColdToast · 10/11/2011 12:27

I would speak to someone at the school, explain the illness and ask if you can arrange to see the teacher(s) after school on a day when it's convenient for them.

I wouldn't let him in. He's already showed you that he can't be trusted.

Original poster
workshy · 10/11/2011 12:28

he was invited and declined to come with me

he went through my drawers, bank statements and internet browsing history last time he was here

can't take them to parents evening this time as oldest isn't allowed in school for 48hrs due to sickness bug

will see if her sickness calms down before I suggest taking them there -it's about 8 miles and don't fancy her throwing up in the car

will probably just try and get appointments for another day

OP posts:
PrunellaFromageDeQuiche · 10/11/2011 12:40

I'd try and get an appoinment another day, I'm sure the teacher/s won't mind.
What a pain in the arse he is, i'd keep him well away from you

PrimaBallerina · 10/11/2011 12:47

Don't let this stalker back in your house!

The school will let you come another time if your DD is sick.

DoMeDon · 10/11/2011 12:51

YANBU - keep well away. The fact he cannot be arsed to care for sick DD or make the parents evening shows what kind of father he is. He wants in your home because you are his concern. Do not allow him the satisfaction of fucking with your head.

KatAndKit · 10/11/2011 12:54

If you let him in your house perhaps he wants to get hold of a spare key so he can go in uninvited again? Just a possibility. I'd say don't do it. Why can't he look after her for the evening in his own house?

SolidGoldVampireBat · 10/11/2011 12:55

No, don't have him in the house as he has shown he is untrustworthy. Just ring the school and reschedule the appointment. Hope DC are all better soon.

Takeresponsibility · 10/11/2011 13:00

What if he is bleaching everything down, or using chemicals on the oven that one wouldn't choose to with a child, especially an ill child around.

He may have good reason not to have DD today, but equally you have good reason not to let him in your home unsupervised (although if this was in RL I'd be on firmer ground as you call it "my house" is it yours/joint/does he pay mortgage for it etc as he may be entitled to come in and get stuff or check the condition of the place etc at a time convenient to you)

Either they go to his or make another appt

MissMunsterMogwi · 10/11/2011 13:00

Don't let him back in your home. It's telling that he can't look after his child or go to parent's evening but he can come round to your home.

I'd make another appointment to see the teacher.

pigletmania · 10/11/2011 13:08

Phone the school and tell them that you cannot make it your dc are sick and can you rearrange it fir another day.

WilsonFrickett · 10/11/2011 13:11

What Mogwai said - either he's free to look after DD or he's not - the fact he only can if it involves access to your home speaks volumes. Call and reschedule.

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 10/11/2011 13:13

dont let him in your house. you cannot trust him.

i asked my ex to babysit (his own dcs) earlier this year. he tampered with my contraceptives and i only found out after i had been using them. Sad so people are really fucked in the head. your EX sounds like one of them.

Original poster
workshy · 10/11/2011 13:13

takeresponsibility
it's my house -I bought him out last year

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 10/11/2011 13:14

Agree with everyone else - don't have him in your house. He sounds like a right creep. Try to rearrange teacher consultation.

WilsonFrickett · 10/11/2011 13:22

Shock heres the thing

heleninahandcart · 10/11/2011 13:33

You know what he did and had to change the locks. He refused to look after sick DC today, he is looking for an opportunity to go through your private things again. You can set something else up with the school if necessary.

Do not let him in under any circumstances, stay home, stay secure.

caramelwaffle · 10/11/2011 13:40

Rearrange the meeting with the school; explain your little one is ill and likely contagious. Hope they get well soon.

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