How unreasonable would I be to ask/tell my parents what time to visit?

[NinkyNonker]

I genuinely don't know, hence my asking.

My parents are due to visit us (DD and I) this afternoon after my mother's medical appointment in my town. She cancelled on me last week in case my sister was around, but that was the subject of another thread, and this is the replacement visit.

I asked what time her appointment was, was told 1130 (NHS, often late) and so I said "well that should work well, DD goes down for her nap around 11 so should be up and ready for guests about 1." DM replied, "Oh no, we should be ready before then, we'll let you know when we're on our way." I indicated that I'd like them to come when I invite them (nicely) and have been over-ridden so far.

Now, before you all yell at me for being precious, DD (15 months) is a poor sleeper and I am working very hard to improve it. She sleeps much better at night when she has had a good, approx 1.5 to 2 hr nap, sometimes even sleeping through. I'm not routine driven, just trying to implement a little structure. We live in an old house in which noice travels, and my parents are loud, even when trying to be quiet. If they arrive and knock on the door, the dogs will run to the door, my mum will come in loudly and start making tea (the stairs are off the kitchen, DD's room is at the top) and she will wake up. She had a disturbed day yesterday as we had people viewing the house, she then woke at 11pm then up for the day at 0515.

All I am asking is that they pop into the shops for a cup of tea or something and give me half an hour. I know they will make me out to be unreasonable and get huffy, cue lots of PA comments when the arrive. They often pop into the shops when it suits them by the way, stop off to do their shopping en route or watever which is fine by me obviously. I'm cooking lunch etc for them.

So. Is it unreasonable to be allowed to ask people visit at a certain time or is it more reasonable for the visitors to specify the time? I genuinely don't know! In any other circumstance (me visiting anyone for example) I would arrive at the time invited, but my parents make me feel so unreasonable all the time.

So. AIBU or do I stick to my guns?!

YWNBU FWIW, although I would never have your problem because my mum is always at least an hour later than she says she'll be.

And I can't stand these 'I'm never quiet around my children which is why they don't wake up' comments. Some babies just are light sleepers. Lucky you if yours weren't.

As the mother of a crap sleeper myself, I can only say YANBU. And I'm on your behalf that they woke your DD.

I thought they might just turn up when it suited them, paying no heed to you. I am cross on your behalf.

I don't think you're being precious about your DDs naps btw.

Hope you get a good sleep tonight and your DD isn't too tired and grumpy for you today.

Well, I'm glad I'm not being totally unreasonable. I was all a fluster when they arrived as i could hear dd stirring, I didn't have lunch on, was tidying etc etc as I wasn't expecting them for an hour. They were most put out and kept huffing that they "could always just go again". My mum pointed out that she had texted me (knowing I have no phone reception in the house), when I received it it was a text to tell me they were outside.

Ah well, I learnt my lesson, next time I will be out till a suitable time and that's that!

To top it off we then went out in their car, in which I sit in the back, and I now feel thoroughly sick, my dad is such a fast/jerky driver!

YANBU. If they were the sort of parents who would drop everything at a moments notice to help you out when you needed it, it would be different but, it seems, the world revolves around them.

Symapthise with you on the car thing. That happened last time my parents visited. I tried to drive but mum insisted on driving and dad went in the front - she probably did it because otherwise she'd have been stuck in the back and I can't say I blame her because I was trying to do the same thing!

It's odd, they would, on the whole, do anything for us. But when it contradicts what they want (as in this instance) maybe they won't. I thought they'd text and check times when they left the hosp and give me a chance to request the time again.

We're really not restrictive on her sleep etc, I just know that she needs a nap around 11 and functions best with a couple of hours. She is a light sleeper and very alert, we haven't made her that way by tiptoeing round her...far from it with two dogs etc! She just is. If we're out when she needs a nap I tie it in with a section of car journey, or a walk in the pram or sling, we are flexible. It's just that now she is sleeping a little better I want to give it a chance to 'bed in' and for her to get used to getting that sleep at night.

You were NOT BU in the slightest.

Some children are light sleepers and get disturbed by noise. My DD is like that and yes, it is restrictive, but that is far better than her not getting enough sleep as then she is hellish and it makes life hard for the rest of us.

I have had to tell my PILs to come at a certain time after DD's nap, 14 months in they still don't get it though. My parents are always happier to come after she has had her nap as then she is a happy little lady. It is hard to get in my front door without waking DD from a nap as her room is right next to it.

People who rabbit on about being able to operate a JCB 3 inches from their sleeping baby are very lucky and that is all it is. I have to be quiet around my DD sleeping because she is a light sleeper, she is not a light sleeper because I am quiet around her, IYSKIM.

YANBU. My PIL were the same with my dd. Insisted on coming at nap time when she was a very light sleeper. I didn't puposefully creep around when she was sleeping but she was the first child and with it being only me at home with her in the week she got used to it being pretty quiet. They, like some others on this thread, were of the 'we were never quiet when the babies slept' viewpoint and went out of their way to be as noisy as possible as they wanted to see more of her while they were here. Then they complained she was cranky when they woke her up . This attitude is actually quite amusing coming from my mil who up until fil's retirement made him get dressed for work in the morning by the light of a torch so he didn't wake her putting the light on. I had to dictate visiting times in the end.
DS, on the other hand, would sleep through anything so they can now come whenever.
IMO it doesn't matter whether you think babies should need quiet to sleep. If you have been told that one does and you don't make any attempt not to wake them it's quite mean.