To not want Christmas to come. After my brother died in March.

[melika]

Listening to Christmas music brings out the worst in me, my big brother unexpectedly died in March from a heart attack. He had a angina and I was always on at him to go and get sorted, eg, stents etc. He kept putting it off and finally he died on his way to London at the station. He was 55 years old, very handsome, popular and well kept for his age. I feel so robbed. But he always came to mine for Christmas dinner, bringing his 'veggie dish', I don't know how I will manage, probably sit there crying through it. I have had people say 'well its been so many months now' like I should be over it, but I am really not. I lost my Mom Dec '08 too. Should I pull myself together?

I am so sorry for your loss. It struck such a chord with me as I am wondering how to deal with Christmas this year. It will be my first Christmas without my Dad. He died in July. He had cancer but he was young and had so much life left.

I can not imagine how I will cope without him this year.

Thinking of you

Every Christmas, instead of buying his neices and nephews a birthday and Christmas present, he would organise a day out, eg. 3D film and a meal etc.

The kids keep talking about what we are going to do now. I can't bear it.

He was just so good.

Op - we lost my bil in March. It was different for us because he was diagnosed with terminal cancer late last year so his death was a not a shock. Christmas last year was almost unbearably hard. This year my sister has gone away on a world tour. She will be away for Christmas and tbh I think that's easier for all of us. I agree - do something different. You can't expect to be able to bear doing the same things without someone so dear.

Thank you all, the family are talking about renting a big house for all of us!

We will see if that works.

What a lovely special brother and Uncle. Renting out the big house sounds brilliant. Do you think the children could think together about doing something special on one of the days over Christmas period that your brother would have loved and in his memory?

I will be thinking of you Melika and also struggling this Christmas. My ddad died in May this year - it would have been his 82nd birthday on Boxing Day . Christmas was a big event in the family, we are going to find it very painful this year.

I agree about going away. My dad died in November (many years ago) and my mum wanted me to go home for Christmas - I thought it would be awful, with her, me and my brother and no dad .

I was living abroad at the time, so she and my brother came to me instead. It was a complete break, and whilst obviously not without sadness doing something different does avoid some of the comparisons with previous years.

I am so sorry for your loss.

My BIL's brother died in a similar way, they knew he had heart trouble and he was due investigations but he hated going to the doctor so kept putting it off and off. He dropped dead of a massive heart attack at 37, unaware his wife was pregnant with their second child.

It is absolutely terrible to lose someone you love at a young age.

My sister has been in my BIL's life since about six weeks before this happened, which is four years ago now. There were so many tears shed at that wedding, he would have been best man and his little daughter who he never met was flowergirl. It would break anyone's heart to see the pain that is left behind by a loss of someone to this terrible disease. It will always be there for you at Christmas, though in time you will be able to smile at the memories through the tears as my BIL did in his speech. The pain is there, of course, but it is not as raw for them all the time now though I know they have their moments.

My BIL's family have found it helpful to have his image ever present, they have had a portrait painted from a photograph that is in the front room and they light a candle at the dinner table for him to mark his presence. His mother wears his picture in a locket and they visit his grave on Sundays. Everyone finds their own way through this journey of course but that is what is helpful for them.

Thinking of you x

very sorry OP, completely understandable that you are dreading Xmas, grief doesn't operate in a neat linear fashion, so that after x mount of time you get over it, it comes in waves, of course you will miss him so very much at Xmas. Thoughts with all who are dealing with grief/bereavement this Xmas xxxx

Aww this thread is so sad :( -

As been stated all the first anniversaries are difficult but they do get easier. Also doing something different will help as well.

You said that your brother always did something special with your children at Christmas. Is there any way you could do something similar in his memory with them this year.

Thinking of you X

Bless you all and bless all who are going to find it hard to get through this Christmas for whatever reason. xxxx