to think my children are spoilt brats?

[macdoodle]

Now don't get me wrong they are nice girls and I love them dearly.
I am a single parent, work quite hard, and we have a nice life. XH is a mostly absent twunt and I think I have probably overcompensated.
DD1 is 10, DD2 is almost 4.
But they bicker constantly, DD1 is horrid and mean to DD2. They don't really do anything around the house. They argue with me. I feel like I am constantly asking/nagging/telling off. Bedtimes have become a daily nightmare. I am fed up with it.
I lost it big time last night, and after a calm chat this morning hoped we could get on with it. But within 5 minutes they had started again.
DD1 is terribly jealous of DD2 and cannot accept that I have different expectations of her because she is older.
AIBU to expect that DD1 especially but even DD2 really could help more around the house (simple things like tidying rooms and toys etc) and not expect me to do everything.
Am feeling pretty shit, like unpaid unappreciated help. But also like a shit mother who shouts all the time.
AIBU? What does your 10yr old do ? How much do your children bicker?

I've been a single mum most of my children's lives and am just four months into living with my new partner, so similar circumstances. My two fight, argue, whinge and moan, although at different ages (5 and 3). And it's the same now with DPs son (9), they drive him up the wall and he plays too rough, none of them ever seem to listen, I shout, the house gets messed up. I think it's relatively normal. We just work at setting in place a good framework of expectations of behaviour and discipline, keep it reinforced with consistency and fingers crossed one day it settles.

TBH they dont sound like brats to me, just normal children.

How old are the both, my 10yo DD tidies her room, and will help tidy the sitting room, do a wee bit dusting, wash dishes and hoover...but not always

My eldest 2 were very close in age (27 and 28 now) and they fought and bickered a lot, still do!

Your the one that has to set the "rules", even a toddler can put some toys away and dirty clothes in the basket.

Oh chicken they are normal - seriously - single mum to 9,6 and 3 here - 9 is a little cow at times - mouthy, door splammingy, little sister kickingy - horrid and hormonal (I love the bones of all the same) dd2 is winey and OCD'y and also picks on her baby sister - dd3 is a stroppy little baggage who tried to rule the roost

they are also loving, funny, cuddly, mad, silly, loud etc

Our house is manic, I shout a lot, but it's never dull x

don't stress too much - this too will pass - we have the teenage years to look forward to

Sorry you have said how old they both are

My girls are 17 and 15 and are now in separate bedrooms. the eldest got her sister arrested for hitting her! A horrid time, so I gave up my bedroom ( lp too) so they have space away from each other.

I have a chores list, which they can physically see who has done what. Also, I find a chore where they have to work together as a team helps their relationship. Cleaning the car, tidying the garage or doing all kitchen cupboards,those type of 'big' jobs

Yeh I seperated my big two which has helped (although dd3 is a bit mean to dd2 and they share!) and we have certain chores and expectation of behaviour - which if unmet means no pocket money

macdoodle, I think this about my children EVERY DAY.

The whingeing - oh dear god in heaven.

And the bickering.

And I blame myself for making them like this.

DS1 (10) and DS3(4) seem to bicker most of the time - thank goodness for relatively easy-going DS2 (6) .

All 3 of mine have to tidy their rooms, but DS1 does hoover and dust his (earns pocket money for it).

Must admit, I don't feel guilty about the bickering, as I remember very well doing it with my siblings, despite that fact that we have always been and still are very close. But it is draining and annoying listening to it and then having to deal with it.

As someone up thread said, your DDs sound like normal children. If you are anything like me, it depends how you are feeling that day how you handle the situation.

Honestly they sound perfectly normal to me! That's what siblings are for isn't it? Being a sounding board for all the things you can't do to other people? Doesn't mean they aren't close.

Having been there though, I recommend positive discipline and/or charts to get them helping more around the house and being nicer to each/more able to talk through things rather than fly off the handle. Make sure nice things hinge on good behaviour (doesn't have to be amazing- make pudding optional on good behaviour for example) and make sure you reward frequently at first until the habits are ingrained.

Sounds normal to me

But the thing is, have you suddenly sprung these expectations upon them?

You say you've over compensated. In what way?

If you've been asking them all along to do these things and they're still not doing it then YANBU...but if you've all of a sudden decided you've had enough of over compensating...you might need to cut them some slack til they get used to the 'new you' IYSWIM.

As for the bickering, do they play out? Do they get enough after school exercise? I find this can make a lot of difference.

Ds is 10 he is expected to -
tidy away toys at the end of the day
keep his bedroom tidyish
lay and clear the table
put clothes in the dirty laundry basket
be responsible for sorting out his school bag/games kit

he does extra jobs for more pocket money if he is saving up for something, he has done the above since he was about 5.

I find a list of family rules works quite well - ours is on the kitchen wall :)

Single mum to ds almost 15 and dd 12.

Have spent years patiently saying tidy your room and put your dirty clothes in the basket rarely just doing it myself even though its easier

A year ago when dd began secondary school upped the ante and they both have a fair bit to do in return for decent monthly allowance. Its hit and miss and I still have to nag a bit

The age of your older dd I think means she should expect to be asked to tidy her room and put clothes in the basket but maybe not much other than helping for the younger one.

My top tip is if when asked they dont do something the next time they want a drink/snack etc then pretend you havent heard and when they repeat the request tell them you will treat it with the same urgency they did your request

mine are vile to each other. (15 & 13).

although i was moaning about their vilness at work and a colleague who had helped at a fundraiser thing which they both had too was astounded and told me how lovely they were together.