To Not Even Pretend...

[TeaMakesItBetter]

that this is a real AIBU?

I've had a "full" shit day in which I had to shout at internal team #1 because they refuse full stop to help internal team #2 even though £0000s are at stake, tried to cram actual work between meetings, then at last minute had to implement Plan B to get the baby picked up from nursery because poor DH is so under the cosh at work and I couldn't just drop what I was doing and run. I feel so sorry for him I can't even be cross. Then I nearly broke neck to get to earliest train possible only to get there and find there were no trains. I stood all the way to work and back, I got a little bit vommed on (by the baby not the train) my hair is a mess because of the drizzle, I've been up since 5am and I'm knackered.

Now I have an asleep baby, a nearly empty box of Pringles, a bottle of wine, a stack of washing to sort, an absent husband and I DEMAND some entertainment please, so please, tell me about your interesting days.

I got bitten on the head by one child at work today while another sat on my lap and threw up. Made for an exciting few minutes in the sensory room as we were under the UV lights at the time. And no, the vomit did not fluoresce in the dark!

I had a day full of firsts.

DD (6) tied her own hair into a ponytail for school this morning, all by herself. She nearly burst with pride.

DS2 (6m) had his first ever taste of solids, a bowl of slop babyrice.

And DS1 (3) did his first ever standy-uppy wee.

I am proud of them all, in different ways

My child used me unsuccessfully as a hurdle, kicked my head on way over and now I have chronic whip lash and nerve damage. Am in excrusiating pain and high as a kite on muscle relaxants. All good.

Not very interesting, but I did manage to drop my best vase while washing it and cut my hand fairly badly. Not badly enough to warrant a trip to A&E but badly enough that I can't use it. And I was alone with my 2 year old when it happened and it's my dominant hand.

I tried hard to calm my 14yr old DS4 - his school, in their wisdom, are fast tracking him through some of his GCSE's. He grunted through his breakfast and muttered his way to the front door. He turned around half way up the street and shouted 'Love you Mam!!'

My stroppy 3 year old grandson came to ours while his Mummy is at work (he comes every day) he stomped in the house telling me all about this naughty boy at nursery who will not share or help anyone LOL. He told me I cant do 'shakey bum' dancing - he means like Shakira because I am too old and informed me I had grown some 'new hairs on your chin Andma!!'

....and, now, peace has descended on our house....we wait, patiently, for pay day tomorrow - I have run out of cigs (awwww disgusting habbit!!) and have no alcohol.....

Well I took my excruciating toothache to the dentist, shook with fear while he injected me, and then felt so blasé about it all (not to mention exhilarated at being pain-free) that I went and had a flu jab.

Now both my mouth and my arm ache. I won't be able to sleep on my right because of my mouth. I won't be able to sleep on my left because of my arm. So I'll sleep on my back and keep both of us awake by snoring.

I sang twinkle twinkle little star on repeat five times today, but upset the (nursery) children (who were so very tired and refusing to sleep) when i started talking in the tune of the song (to work colleague about said children) instead of singing it.

I became and aunty -

I went into the city centre to buy a belt and came home with a new job :o

I discovered that I had forgotten to invite one child - out of a whole class to my DDs birthday. Poor thing had to look on as the teacher passed out invites to everyone else. I have put an invite in for tomorrow but I feel awful.

I like yours looblylu

I spent 2 hours overhauling the garden yesterday and woke up this morning so stiff I can only walk like I've shit myself.

I turned my heating off too early and am sat in bed with my fluffy dressing gown on and the hood up! V sexy. Good job I'm single.

I took my boys to an Eye Hospital appointment today and they have been given binoculars to watch TV (I kid you not).

Oh, and I peeled the last dead skin off my daughters verrucca. Lovely end to a fucking lovely day!

Beat that!

thanks hellhasnofury I'm really excited to start tomorrow!

I discovered my 20month old had gone ominously quiet because she was busy sudocream-ing the cat- poor creature had sat there and let her head be totally caked in the stuff. While attempting not to laugh, tried to decide to worry about cat's sanity or be impressed by DD's animal taming skills.

Good luck loo

I am not laughing at the mental image of a sudocremed cat, honest I'm not.

Sudocremed cat - will you have to be careful she doesn't poison herself licking it off!!

Dappy that made me laugh out loud!

But cheekymonkey daft question but are you ok?

Congrats on the job loobly

I ran out of Pringles but not wine, though it was a close call as I pranged the bottle taking it out of the fridge. DH finally on way home.

Cat clearly forgiven DD as just found her curled up in DD's cot. CookieLove- I de-sudocreamed cat, so no harm done. Is it possible for a cat to be sadomasochistic? She seems to enjoy all DD's 'affection'

A good start to the day , woke up with a jump at 6-05 wondering why my alarm hadn't worked ( because it was set to go off at 7 , but I start work at 7 .) good morning at work , home , did some ironing ( woo hoo empty ironing basket ) and watched the last episode of Downton Abbey.
Sorted out dinner for the family and went off to my floral art evening class.
now home , a bit cold and want a glass of wine !

Lid on box containing lunchtime salad not on tight - pesto and olive oil coated handbag contents! Dammit.

Will be fine thank you for asking tea. Muscle relaxants are now my best friend.

My (single) friend phoned me in hysterics to tell me she is pregnant. I sprinted to her house in a state of advanced excitement. She answered the door looking dishevelled and wild and thrust the pregnancy test at me - it was negative and she'd read it wrong.

I once arrived at work to find my high heeled shoe had pierced through my breakfast muller light and thoroughly coated the inside of my handbag. Yoghurts go in plastic bags first now.

I think you'll find that's the drugs talking, cheekey...

I had my 20 week scan and found out my little one most definitely has a willy! Then I went shopping and spent an obscene amount of money that I cant afford on blue stuff