to be annoyed that OH offered DS1 bagels, milk and choc at 11pm

[sconesandcream]

DS1 was off school yesterday as recovering from tummy cramps and puking at weekend. he did eat some dinner, but not a great deal, in keeping with recovery. Usually he is very difficult at dinner time and wont eat unless pressed, is easily distracted and hard to focus on food.

OH came home late and DS1 woke at 11pm and asked for bagels. I am never happy about food late at night after not eating as it's really causing an ongoing eating prob - he knows if he doesn't eat he will get carbs later in the evening. I try so hard to stop the late night eating because it sets a precedent on this. Anyway I said no, esp as DS1 actually said his tummy still hurt: and was overruled. Not only that, but DS was presented with not only Bagels, but milk, AND a full box of chocolates (bought on way home )!!! "and if you eat that, you can have a choc!"

I'm afraid I could not take this and exacerbated the situation by some bad words and removal of said choc in front of DS1.

"you just don't get it do you" was said to me, as he thinks DS1 needed some comfort and security. I jsut don't think he should be equating that with Choc anyway - its hard enough to resist without a hard-wired reason to want it.

OH spent a lot of time with his gran as a child, and she was very dear to him. She used to give him a glass of milk and biscuits at bed time, and would sit and chat to him whilst he ate it; so I know where thsi is coming from, I even understand it as he didn't have security in a lot of other ways.. I just cant seem to get thought to him on it though, as I'm too far down the line of 'no' on it iykwim...

argh!

YANBU......but!

I can't help feeling a little bit 'bless him' (sorry, patronising) re your DP. I do think DP was wrong though, I just think he wanted to make DS feel happy. It's something my DH would do, definatley. You do feel like it's an uphill battle against things like this sometimes - this could have been written about my DH, in fact!

Have I got this right? Your child has been poorly, woke up and asked for food, and you refused him in order to score a point against your OH? YABU for making food an issue, amongst other things.

Not sure that choc is good for a bad tummy, but frankly I think when the kids are ill the normal rules should not apply. If he hasn't eaten his dinner, a bit of bagel is not a bad thing.

You sound a tad controlling, tbh.

no defo not to score a point.
because he was sick the day before, and tummy needs a bit of a go-slow.
because the habit with this is contributing to him never eating hsi dinner without a big DO and a lot of cajoling because he thinks he's goign to ge tbread later on.
because he would only eat bread if given the choice

YABU for mentioning 'carbs' in relation to a child's diet. Maybe if you chilled out a bit generally the poor kid wouldn't be so stressed about mealtimes?

Yes, but a bit of bread is not bad at all for upset tummy, afaik. He was hungry, your DH offered him some food (ok, I get the point re:choc). I get that you don't want him to miss out on dinners and then stuff himself with food late at night, but he is ill and I think some relaxation of the rules applies in this case.

Also undermining your DH in front of DS was stupid imho.

If mine have had a tummy bug I would usually let them eat what they liked just to build them up a bit. I can see where you are coming from, but your DH was offering a bit of comfort to a sick child. He is NBU to do this. Could you not have let it go, given the circumstances??? BTW maybe his tummy was hurting through hunger at that point!!

Dearie me...

I have no words.

Wasn't meaning carbs in an adult low carb diet type sense, just that they tend to crowd out other food groups if given the chance.

Has been a long week as I've had the bug myself and OH was away all week, so defences lowlowlow. I have 2YO twins too who have been ill. its a case of exhaustion all round.

child who saying tummy ache surely should not have food?? History of puking after eating when ill...

If he been ill and eaten little then i think its fine. Absolutely no reason for you to kick off with dh in front of ds

I don't think yabu, 11pm IMO is too late to be eating.

wow, well there's a sure fire way to establish long term food issues if ever i saw one.

chill the fuck out.

What is the carbs issue? Aren't the two biggest parts of a child's diet supposed to come from fruit/veg and carbs?

If a child has been ill with a tummy bug, I don't see why they shouldn't eat when they start to feel better, even if it is late at night.

No, the rule is that if a child with a tummy bug is able to keep some food down, than he should have it. His body needs energy to fight the virus.

And the foods recommended by doctors are the bland ones, like bread, rice, meat etc-so nothing spicy or too hard to digest etc.

I meant like a bit of chicken or something, not a kebeb, of course.

I think if anyone is a cause of an eating problem that my dear will be you. He is a child who needs to eat. Your OH sounds like he sound be knighted. How could you not feed a child who was sick and was hungry?

When you've been sick sometimes you just fancy certain things dint you. I read somewhere that the BRAT diet should be followed, bananas, rice, apple or toast.

I think you were U, and a bit mean.

I'll offer DS1 some bland carby food and a drink at whatever time if he's getting his appetite back after an illness (and before you say anything, he's at risk for an eating disorder, so illness recovery is the only time we offer supper).

YANBU about the chocs, though. That's just plain ridiculous.

And, OP, if a child has been ill, they shouldn't not eat, so long as they actually have some appetite. Simple carby food, as much as drink, helps them to not get dehydrated.