to expect some respect when driving?

[Sephiroth]

my wife and I recently bought a new car and I have only been driving for 3 months (which is around 5 hours of solo driving since I got my licence) she has been driving for 13 years - every time we have been out in the car she criticizes my driving, it is really affecting my confidence and with two young children in the back, I wish she would be more forgiving - my driving isn't too bad, it's just occasional jerky braking and going through the gears and I know it's just from a lack of practice, but it is starting to get me down...

Oh dear...........

My dh has been driving for 20 years and has his HGV licence. I have been driving for 3. I NEVER EVER drive him anywhere as he gets so twitchy it's ridiculous. Just get out and practise a bit more on your own - 5 hours in 3 months is nothing, go out every day and every day go that bit further or drive a different way home. It's the law to argue with your spouse in the car

The worst drivers are the ones who know best.

It's the truth dat :)

agree with valium (and waves, hello!) you need to get out there by yourself and drive, doesn't matter where, although stopping in a car park for some parking practise is a good idea. It will get easier, you just need to practise :)

I passed in March and remember how nerve-wracking it was at first! it gets better in time as long as you practise :)

If she thinks your driving is bad/dangerous then why shouldn't she say?

the OP isn't going to get any better if their wife is crisitising every clunky gear change or sharp break :(

you don't know that the driving was dangerous, just that it wasn't perfect

I agree you need more practise on your own.

I do have sympathy for your wife as you have your most precious cargo in the back. If you are (or just seem to be) a bit unsure and jerky, it must be hard for her to sit there helpless in the passenger seat!

I would suggest that, if you are driving and she's making you nervous, find a safe place to pull over and ask (tell!) her to take over.

My mum is a very nervy passenger, stamping on imaginary brakes, gripping the seat, sharp intakes of breath etc etc and it doesn't bother me now, but, as a new driver, it really did! My Dad was much better and used to let me drive him around to gain experience.

Could you do the pass plus course for a bit more practise and some honest, unbiased feedback from an instructor about how you are doing?

YANBU

Make notes of every mistake she makes when she is driving - I guarantee you will amass a long list after a couple of weeks.

Tape it to the dash.

Then every time she criticises you, point to the list!

5 hours is very little practice, you will stll be very inexperienced and drive in a worrying way to an experienced driver. You need to go out alone every weekend at least.

Oh, there is nothing worse than a back seat driver. I know. erm I am one.

It is hard. Even when you are not driving, you are driving. Since I learned to drive (about 3 years ago) I have been unable to relax as a passenger. My husband has been driving since the dawn of time, but now he faces a constant driving lesson from me because he doesn't drive how I drive. It's a wonder he hasn't made me ride in the boot by now

What I am trying to say is that it is bloody annoying, I know, but it's hard to be a passenger.

Well, if you are a control freak like me, anyway

Agree with those who say you need to drive more, on your own. Build up your confidence.

And every time she criticises - pull over and tell her to drive.

oh, meant to say - constant criticism will make you a WORSE driver, not a better one.

She is being unreasonable. And unfair.

And are you going to make her read this thread?

thanks all.... great advice and YES, I will make her read it! she has used mumsnet against me in the past, so it will be satisfying to get her back!

Leave him alone, y'meanie. We were all newbies once!

YANBU... just tell the silly woman to shut up and let you drive or you'll make her walk home.

I think you need to ask her (when you're not driving!) whether she honestly feels your driving isn't safe, and if so, why. Remind her you've just passed your test, so you can't be that bad! Either she feels so unsafe she doesn't want to be in the car with you (I really hope not!), or she should keep quiet while you are driving.

Pass plus might be a good idea, but I get the impression she is just backseat driving and finding it hard to relax. Unfortunately that is really her problem!

My DH is about to learn to drive and you are remidning me how patient I need to be.

Get out and about to get some extra experience under your belt and maybe tell your wife how her back seat driving makes you feel. I always feel more nervous is someone is going on at me (my Mum constantly does when she is here) and I have been driving 16 years!

I love this thread. I was learning to drive and my XDH took me out in the mini for a practice. I hadn't driven more than 100 yards before I got out, bumped my head., slammed the door and walked home. I'd had enough of his criticism.

My son passed his test at 17 and offered me a lift home from where we'd gone separately. I was glad of the offer but sat in the back silently with my eyes closed for the whole 3 miles journey! (Girlfriend in the front passenger seat before anyone asks why I wasn't in that seat).