to send DS2 to nursery with no trousers on?

[bintofbohemia]

He has been a proper little sod this morning, he wouldn't let me dress him because he "wanted Daddy", and then he wouldn't let DH do it because he suddenly "wanted Mummy". Mummy by this stage was nearly out of the door with DS1. DH ended up nearly having to wrestle DS2 into his uniform, after which DS2 took off his trousers, pants and socks.

Absolutely no idea what to do with this level of behaviour, DS1 was (is!) hard work but not like DS2 is. Comes to the point you realise that actually there is no way to make a child wear clothes if they don't want to, so I told DH to call his bluff and stick him in the car half dressed. The theory is that hopefully DS2 will realise what's happening, freak out and put his clothes on in the car park.

How the hell else could we have handled it? Getting all four of us out of the door in the morning is hard enough without this madness. Need to phone DH to find out if the plan worked...

not unreasonable at all.
i've done the same thing when we were headed to brighton one morning and ds1 refused to get dressed or to let anyone help, I think he must have been around 4 at the time.
he wouldn't even put shoes on, so had to walk to the car in the rain without shoes on.
as soon as we arrived in brighton he put his clothes on.

Uanbu hope he saw sense and got dressed in the car!

When I was that age, all of that would have been sorted with a swift smack on the back of the legs and out the door.

Have you tried all the usual reward charts, naughty step etc etc?

I still think fondly of the mother who, years ago, took her Yr2 child (who had refused to get dressed) to school in his pyjamas. And she did all the rest of us such a huge favour - "get dressed NOW or I will do what Johnny's mum did" :o.

So yes, you handled it well and teh nursery parents will love you for it. Johnny never pulled the same stunt again.

Precisely worra! I'm trying to imagine my hairbrush wielding Mum putting up with shit like that and 3 of us to get out of the door in the morning! Incredible that kids are allowed to do this shit!

A boy in my kids' school was sent to school in pyjamas a while back.

A few parents said they would never have done that, but most (including the Head himself, who has 3 of his own) knew EXACTLY the conversation that must have gone on in the household before school!

As far as I know, he never did it again!

My DD has always been difficult to get into clothes. She's 8 now and it's been better since she's started getting pocket money that I threaten to take fines off (and do take fines 10p a time) if she won't get dressed.

yanbu needs must

DS1 used to refuse to get undressed for a bath when he was about 6ish. After a month of softly, softly, bribes, pleading and tears dh plonked him fully dressed. He had been arguing so long the water had gone cold.
I really enjoyed his yelp of pure shock

Worra - that's how DH and I would have been dealt with too, and I wanted to try to diffuse things before the idea got too tempting. We've never smacked either of our children but my god I can see how people without MN do.

He's so incredibly strong willed and stubborn and he doesn't give a flying toss about reward charts, bribes etc. They just don't work. I have absolutely no idea how to deal with him sometimes - am currently just drawing boundaries and not budging but its very hard as he won't budge either half the time.

Just had an email from DH to say that he did get dressed in the car before they even left so he clearly didn't like his bare arse being dragged into the outside world. Had visions of the neighbours reporting us for all sorts...

fuckingknackered. I think they need to realise sometimes that you are prepared to do things that they see as quite shocking and they will not win. I feel like am living in a Machiavellian mind game half the time, it's quite exhausting.

I am feeling very sympathetic here. I'm wondering how long it'll be before we have to do likewise. and on Sunday night my DS nearly had a bath in his clothes too.

How old is your DS, bint?

Ha, that brings back memories of DD2 not wanting to put shoes on to go to nursery when she was about 3- in the pouring rain, in November. I took her barefoot- by the time she had walked from house to car, and from car to nursery, she had decided to wear shoes after all
She was very much like you describe your DS.

FWIW she is 15 now, and usually does not leave the house without being fully dressed (although you may argue about what "being dressed" consists of....)

Not at all, given he was hardly going to freeze in the car! If he was going to be in a pushchair getting cold/stared at then maybe less good but I swear my ds (now 3) just doesn't feel the cold!

So far ds has gone to sing+sign class once in his PJs, and to nursery in bare feet in the pushchair a few times. And I've only got the one child atm!

moon - he was three at the end of August. Am hoping this is just a phase. I suppose these traits are very positive if you wanted to raise say, a freedom fighter?

Older has your DD mellowed a bit? Did you find anything worked in terms of getting her to do things without things getting to this point?

I took DS to nursery half-dressed on occasions. Funnily enough, he'd always be prepared to wriggle himself into clothes in the nursery car park.
Good for you & your DH for calling his bluff!

My eldest will not be told. It doesn't matter what powers of persuasion, bribery, trickery, pleading, or begging we use, if he doesn't want to do something he will NOT!

Many a time we have gone out with him not wearing a coat in the rain / snow, for him to be freezing / soaked five mins later asking for his coat.

Toys lost / broken, he's gone hungry, all sorts.

I've given up now. He wants to learn the hard way that's fine by me-within reason obviously.

Let him have no pants on I'd say. He'll soon want them on at nursery. Some things just aren't worth battling over and I choose my battles carefully these days. It's not worth sprouting a few extra grey hairs for the sake of him putting on pants. Not worth the stress.

well quite boysboysboys
you could battle every single morning to get your child dress, stressing out both yourself and them and making sure you're late for wherever you're going. but it doesn't actually solve anything does it?

i think saying to them "ok, you don't wnat to wear your trousers? fine, they're here if you want them" is just the best way to deal with it. they aren't getting a ton of attention for negative behaviour, you aren't trying to physically wrestle a child into some clothes and when they get outside and realise that actually they're really cold they can put them on... win win I say!

Yep - dragging them half dressed to school/nursery, and leaving them having a tantrum on the supermarket floor is the only way to go. They can learn quite quickly at that age - mainly that Mum/Dad will not put up with it !

DD1 spent a whole morning at toddlers wearing just tights...
yanbu

hassled
That wasn't a boy in Watford was it? Because if it was, it was me!
And no, he was never late again, nor did he mess me around in the mornings again.
He's nearly 27 now!

YANBU at all. DS went to nursery with no shoes the other day but my personal highlight (even better than the hospital appointment where I carried him semi dressed out the door and got his remaining clothes on to him on the train station platform ) was the SALT appointment where he was completely naked for the whole thing.

Poor SALT did mutter "I'm not sure he's really concentrating. He's very interested in his bottom isn't he?" as DS did some willy tugging for a few minutes I just pretended I hadn't noticed. Seemed the best thing to do in the circumstances... I mean what does one say?

Oh dear. Now DS's nakedness has killed the thread

Katie.

Thanks for all the posts - will be interesting to see what he does tomorrow. Hopefully he'll just hurry up and realise that I am the boss and he will do things my way very soon.

Bint- she has mellowed a lot, but will argue the toss about anything and everything.
That said, the stubborn trait has translated into determination, organisational skills and independent thinking. She is still a bit difficult to manage, but will be a good leader some time soon- she is f.e. very self organised with school work, and has been since age 8 or 9, I have never needed to check homework (unless she asked, of course).

We had many months that year between age 3-4, when she spent most of every meal on the naughty step, screaming hissy fits, refusing to wear anything that wasn't pink, having to do "rapid return" to bed for 6 MONTHS, etc, etc.
I found giving her some semblance of control helped- so f.e. I gave in regarding the pink clothes and similar stuff, but insisted on the essential, like table manners, getting dressed at all, and the like. The more she felt she had some control over her life, the easier it was to manage the rest.

Not unreasonable at all. My younger niece spent a day at nursery in her nightwear. She didn't argue about getting dressed again!