to be feeling guilty?

[Kaliani]

DP and I have been together about a year, currently living in privately rented accomodation. I'm currently a SAHM and studying towards my degree.

Both DP and I want to buy a house and move out of this rented house, and have another baby in the next couple of years. Obviously, if I was to go back to work full time, these dreams would be realised that bit quicker if I go back to work full time, rather than the part time I've been trying to get into.

The job I want to apply for would mean that I would have to rely on my neighbour or mum to take my 6 year old DD to school every other week, and my mum to pick her up most days after school. Mum is more than happy to do this.

The problem is me. She goes to her dad's every weekend, which means I wouldn't see her then. And one week I would see her only to collect her from mums and put her to bed. On the other hand, the extra money would really help get things moving, and we'd all have a better quality of life. I just don't want to think after having been around for 6 years, I've suddenly 'abandoned' her.

I just feel torn....I really can't decide what would be better for her, me, and all three of us as a family

She's old enough to talk to about it so why don't you explain the scenarios and what they'd entail and see what her reaction is?

(albeit still young you could gauge from her reaction what might be best, e.g. if it was an instant horror of you being around less then you'd know it might be good to put it off for a year or two).

Hi, sorry you're having this dilemma, its not easy working out what to do. Perhaps talk to your daughter a bit beforehand, she might not be that worried. Explain that you need the money for the family. I would advise not saying anything about affording another baby!!

Our elder was in after school club for first two years of school, I know its harder on you when they are away with other parent at weekends but he was just fine, loved it in fact (altho long days quite tiring).

My mum works with someone from overseas who sees her kids twice a year. Its all relative. I'm not saying you shouldn't be a bit upset/in two minds about the decision but being a good mum is not measured only in terms of time.

My instincts say that she'll be quite torn...she and my mum are very close, and they adore each other. I worked PT when she was a baby, and she went to mums, and that bond has lasted. That will pull against her attachment to me...it was just me and her for nearly 4 years, and she is used to me being around a lot.

My instincts also say that I don't need to be at the school gate every morning and afternoon for me to be a good mum.

I'm also worried about placing a too heavy burden on my mum (and by extension my dad as well) In my mind, she's raised her children, and as much as she adores her grandchildren, now is her time to have to herself. It just seems such a massive mess right now lol. Thank you for your replies ladies