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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childrens Birthday Parties

15 replies

cafegiardino · 07/11/2011 16:44

I know I am being unreasonable but does anyone think that if I were to do the following, I would be a little bit justified?

DD is 11. She is good friends with a boy. Plays with him a lot, has lunch at school with him. He sometimes gets teased by other children as he's not into the usual boy stuff. DD tells him not to take any notice and has spoken up for him a few times.

His birthday is coming up and he told DD a few times that she will be one of three girls he will invite to his party along with a handful of boys.

DD told me today he gave out his invitations on fri and he has not invited her. The three girls he's invited, his mom is friends with theirs. DD said he never plays/talks to them at school.

Today he handed out a further invite to another girl. She played with him on friday and begged to go to his party according to my DD. Although he did keep telling this other girl his mom would not let him invite anyone else but that he would ask. His party is at home.

I am annoyed for my dd and want to tell her to not play with him anymore and certainly not stand up for him or be a supportive friend.

The thing is I used to let people say and do as they pleased and got walked over a lot and was taken advantage of. Over the last couple of years I have toughened up and wont let people treat me like that anymore.

I dont want her following in my footsteps and there have been a few occasions she's been taken advantage of.

Would I be unreasonable?

OP posts:

duckdodgers · 07/11/2011 16:47

What does your DD feel about not getting an invitation?

YorkshireTeaAddict · 07/11/2011 16:50

TBH, It sounds like it's his mum that's doing the inviting, not him. Is it fair to tell her to stop being friends with him andnot to stick up for him just because she didn't get invited to his party? You could take it up with his mum? Take your boxing gloves to the school playground

Original poster

cafegiardino · 07/11/2011 16:50

She said she's not really bothered and that he would have had to invite these girls if his mom is friends with theirs.

I dont think she is upset or anything but probably a little bit annoyed.

I just dont want her ending up like me and being used.

OP posts:

Oggy · 07/11/2011 16:52

She's 11 and she sounds like she's taking a more mature attitude about it if I'm entirely honest.

If she is fine with it why on earth stick your nose in?

Sorry to be blunt.

duckdodgers · 07/11/2011 16:52

I think if shes not bothered then take your lead from her really and as much as you want to protect her from being used by people you cant - she needs to learn to stand up for herself.

Groovee · 07/11/2011 16:54

I think your dd is setting you an example and you should follow her lead.

worraliberty · 07/11/2011 16:57

I don't think you should project your past feelings onto your DD

She's doing what any right minded person would do and sucking it up

Do you really want to teach her to drop her friends as soon as she doesn't get something she wants?

slavetofilofax · 07/11/2011 16:59

I can see where you are coming from and I think this is a good way to open up a conversation about how we treat people and how it feels when others treat us badly. I think if you just talk to her, and let her know that it is ok for her to stick up for herself, and it's ok for her to tell her friend why she is upset/annoyed about it.

I think it is important that you let her know that she does deserve to be treated well and have her feelings considered by her friends, but then support her in whichever way she decides to deal with it.

porcamiseria · 07/11/2011 17:01

DONT PROJECT YOUR FEELINGS INTO HER!!! i really get why ur annoyed, but tread back, and only advise actions if she is annoyed

duvetdayplease · 07/11/2011 17:01

I really don't think you should encourage your DD to stop being supportive, that would be a big shame. She is showing real maturity sticking up for him and we should all do that for people reagrdless of the payback.

If she's not upset, don;t rock the boat. I think she can see this kid is having a tough time, if his mum is meddling in his party invites that'll be annoying enough for him.

Who knows, once they're older and everyone's parents have backed off a bit they may be the best of mates. If you encourage her to be less nice to her than she would naturally be, that's just mean I think.

cat64 · 07/11/2011 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TeWihara · 07/11/2011 17:12

Don't be petty.

The boy clearly doesn't get to choose who gets to go to his own party, so it isn't him that his left your DD out. What's the point in trying to stop them being friends over something that isn't his fault?

Original poster

cafegiardino · 07/11/2011 17:13

Good advice from you all. I do agree with comments that she is being more mature about it than me!

I dont want to project my feelings onto her but also not sure what I should be saying/doing so that she is not walked over.

Thanks

OP posts:

mumofbumblebea · 07/11/2011 17:15

i can understand why u don't want your daughter to be walked all over, that also happened to me when i was at school and as a result it can make u very angry to see your child been trated like that. however, this might just be me, but isn't 11 a bit old to have a birthday party as such? i don't really know any kids that have proper birthday parties with loads of friends round, party food and games etc beyong that age of 8 and instead do cinema visits, bowling etc with a couple of friends. could he maybe be a bit embarrassed that his mum might be doing a full on birthday party for him and thats why he didn't invite your daughter? if he is treated a bit young that could also explain why he has difficulty fitting in. just a thought...
(sorry if i have offended anyone about parties, i don't have a child that age so this is just based on what other people have told me that they do for children that age)

pigletmania · 07/11/2011 17:40

Look, I understands where you are coming from, but its up to her to make that decision for herself, she is old enough. Leave it up to her!

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