postponing Xmas for DBil?

[shamelesslynamechanging]

i suspect i'm about to get a kicking for this, so i've namechanged.

We are meant to be having a big family Xmas together at DH's parents.

DBIL got married this year, and his wife has two children. His stepkids will be celebrating Xmas with both their parents and respective families in another city. They'll then be joining DBIL and us at PIL's house on the night of 26th.

FIL wants to delay all of the Xmas festivities to the night of the 26th, esp the present swapping. This would be fine with me if it was only adults, but we've got our kids and we still want to have something on the 25th. Fine to do something additional on the 26th though.

I'm really looking forward to having Christmas with the kids, who are old enough this year to understand what's going on. Also, our kids, being younger, will need to be in bed shortly after the older kids arrive, so they really will miss out on the Xmas party thing with the family.

AIBU to object to FIL's plans? I'm feeling rather miffed about the whole thing. It's a massive pain in the arse getting to their house for Xmas (2 days driving each way) and I'm feeling a lot less like making the effort.

YANBU. Talk to FiL - it doesn't sound like he's thought this through.

You could surely have a nice Christmas Day and still make a big fuss of DBiL and his stepchildren when they arrive?

Yes I would talk it through with him. It's nice that he wants to make the new family members feel welcome and important, but they will have had their own Christmas Day already and so therefore why do you and your family have to wait? You could have Christmas Day as per normal with PILs and then a bit more present giving on Boxing Day. THeir presents to you and vice versa. No reason why your DCs should have to wait until then.

It could also be a bit overwhelming for the new DWs children to have to have it all over again in a new place anyway...

It's completely unfair on your children to expect them to effectively forgo their Christmas day celebrations, particularly when the other children aren't going to forgo theirs.

I would be quite firm on this one - you are coming to celebrate Christmas day with your PILs and that is what you are going to do. If they aren't celebrating Christmas day then there is no need for you to be there at all - you could travel on Boxing Day and see them on the 27th perhaps.

There is no reason at all why you can't have Christmas as normal and have the other children simply open their presents from your side of the family when they get there. We have some family arriving late on Christmas day for a short visit as they are going to the other side of the family for most of the day - there was a brief suggestion that everyone should wait for them to arrive before opening ANY presents at all, but that got fairly short shrift since they are going to be doing the normal Christmas thing elsewhere and they can't expect us to not let DS have any of his presents all day while waiting for them to arrive. We have agreed to keep a couple of bits and pieces back so he can open them with his cousins but we aren't putting the whole day on hold.

yanbu

i would not go.

Yes, it's a bit "come for Christmas. Oh, but by the way, we aren't actually celebrating it until afterwards."

I wonder if your MIL said to FIL that she can't face the thought of doing two Christmas Days two days running, and this is your FIL's idea of a cunning plan to get round it - without thinking about the rest of you (especially your DC) who'll be there on Christmas Day?

Surely everyone gets to have Christmas Day on Christmas Day, wherever they are and whoever they are with, and Boxing Day is ... well, Boxing Day? And, yes, hold back a few pressies for your DC so all the DC can have another little pressie opening session when DBIL, DSIL and her DC arrive.

I suspect your ILs are over-thinking this a bit. I'm sure your DBIL and DSIL wouldn't expect you to postpone Christmas just because they're arriving on Boxing Day.

If his plan means you having to travel on Christmas Day so that someone elses DC can enjoy two Christmases while yours have to have a late one and endure lots of travelling, then I don't know why you are evn considering going.

Stay at home and have a nice Christmas with your own little family, then travel there afterwards. If you don't get there until their fake boxing day, then so be it.

Logistics make this one a complete no brainer for me.

What everyone else said.

I wouldn't travel so far, to sit there doing nothing special on Christmas Day - for me let alone the children

Why should you your children only get one, belated Christmas so that someone else gets two?

Usual Christmas on Christmas Day and second Christmas on Boxing day for all or no travel.

YANBU. I think the stay-at-home Christmas for Christmas day and a family celebration on Boxing Day is a good idea.

Wish for snow so you can't go anyway.

Oh, I didn't notice the 2 day drive to go there. In that case, we probably wouldn't go, not with 2 young children in winter. Or if we did, probably not leave until the 26th. Yanbu to stay at home.

OP back finally! It takes 2 days to drive there because it's in Europe and because i won't let DH do more than 7 hours a day behind the wheel. We did not want to fly as there's still a massive drive from the nearest airport plus cost of hire car etc.

thanks for all the posts, DH is on board that it's not the optimum outcome and is discussing with FIL. we're thinking we'll offer to make a special dinner /dessert for the 26th, so we can have a second celebration when the kids arrive. perhaps this is the start of a new family tradition!

That's ridiculous! You can't go all that way and then just not celebrate Christmas day! Your FIL is being a wally.

I work shifts.

My family routinely hold Christmas until Boxing Day so that I can spend it with them. Including present opening.

They do 'fun stuff' on Christmas day just not Christmas dinner and present opening.

Why will it really matter to your kids if it is the 25th or the 26th? Are they old enough to know the difference? Do you need to creatively invent some reason why FC is going to be delayed?

Doesn't most of northern europe do gifts on 24th night anyway?