to be annoyed with DH for falling asleep

[pipoca]

while in sole charge of DS aged 3.8? DD is 5mo and has been ill and is therefore still waking throughout the night. I get up with her cos she's ebf, so last night for example fed at 11pm, 2.30am, 5.50am and 8am. DS woke at 6.15am and I put him back to bed 3 times before his groclock went off at 6.45am, all while trying to feed DD. (I feed DD in her room cos she's a noisy sleeper and keeps me awake if she's in with us, but this means DH is in the other room from us (in our room) if DS wakes. DH could sleep through an earthquake so it's easier for me if I'm up with DD to just put DS back to bed than get up and go and wake him and get him to do it)

Anyway, DH takes DS downstairs to the lounge for breakfast at 7am to let me sleep for an hour. When I go downstairs DS has ripped all the pages out of 2 of his story books, books that were mine as a child, now out of print. I'm not really blaming DS, he's only little and didn't know they were special (although a bit disappointed he thinks that's what you do to books). So, I asked DH why he didn't stop him before he'd ripped all the pages out of 2 whole books and he says he fell asleep. I'm so fucking annoyed. The man is in bed for 8 fucking hours a night and he can't stay awake for an hour an a half between 7 and 8.30? What if DS had gone into the kitchen and climbed up on a chair and turned the hob on or got a knife? "Oh, I'd have heard him open the door, I'm not that deeply asleep" Deeply enough fucking asleep to not hear the RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPP! of some 40 odd pages.

AIBU?

Nope. My OH is the same, full of good intentions but then is soooooooo tired I get a lie in for an hour but end up doing everything else, which also means getting to bed over and hour after him and BF through the night.

YABU for leaving something that you treasured within reach of a child.

Who would you blame if your child had wandered downstairs while both of you were asleep?

Nope, yanbu.

I'm not blaming DS, it was with his other books cos it never occurred to me he'd rip it up. It's not his fault, de didn't know it was wrong to do it. I am FUCKED off with DH for being asleep while he did it. If he'd been awake, he'd have heard him on the first page and would have stopped him. Quite apart from the fact that DS could have hurt himself. He can't get downstairs on his own, there's a stairgate. He CAN get into the kitchen for example but it's not a problem cos if he's downstairs there's an adult with him. Oh, no...wait the fuckwit adult was asleep.
Grrr.

Yanbu for being angry with dh, there are a million things your ds could have done which could have resulted in injury or death. If it happens by accident because your exhausted, then you need support, but it sounds like your dh was happily having 40 winks on the couch.

Yabu for leaving valuable books with a tiny one, even if your in the same room. Remember, they do more damage when silent.

I think it depends a lot on the child, and the setup. My DD is 3.3 and is strongly encouraged allowed to play downstairs on her own for a little while in the mornings. However, we have a stairgate over the kitchen door and the rooms she can get to are fairly child safe. Also, she's quite a sensible child and is quite happy playing with her own toys, she's unlikely to go near any of our stuff.

If you think that there was a real possibility of your DS being injured, I don't blame you for being very annoyed at your DH. On the other hand, I find it strange that you don't also blame your DH for ripping up the books, I would have thought that at 3 he'd be more than old enough to understand that he shouldn't have done that.

YANBU for feeling annoyed that your DH still went back to sleep after a solid 8 hours while you were supposed to be grabbing an extra hour, after being up a few times in the night.
However, I do think YABU to feel a child of your son's age can't be left alone for an hour or so in the morning. When my DS was that age (actually, slightly younger), he was allowed to go downstairs from when he woke up at 8 or 8.30 a.m. and one of us would give him breakfast, before heading back to bed until as late as 10.30 a.m. We had a gate on the kitchen door and the front door was inaccessible to him, but that was it.
And I would be very cross with him for ripping up the books too, because he should know that is wrong by 3.8. I used to teach Nursery and Reception children and I never let them get away with that sort of behaviour.
I really think you need to step back a little and start encouraging your son's independence. He will be at school this time next year (I presume?) and he needs to be able to do as much as he can for himself in preparation for that.

YANBU

Your DH was in charge. Why didn't he make sure DS couldn't get hold of the books if he was going to be a lazy arse and sleep on the job? Not sure how that is the OP's fault

The thing is though, I would expect a child of 3.8 to have fairly long periods when the 'supervising' adult was not in the same room, e.g. when the adult is cooking, showering or just talking on the phone etc. And I would expect that a child of that age could be trusted to look after his/her own belongings and other objects carefully. Otherwise you'd have to move everything of value out of their reach whenever you left them alone.

OP, has your DS done anything like this in the past? If not, then of course you wouldn't have thought to put the books away- but then your DH also wouldn't have had any reason to think he would do it now.

YANBU

I'd be fucking fuming

YANBU-I have a similar aged ds and although he plays on his own while I'm cooking, changing/feeding dd etc. I always try to make sure I can hear where abouts he is and what he's doing. If I was asleep I'd have no idea. Obv.you wouldn't expect him to rip a book up, but that's the whole point, at this age even a sensible and trustworthy child can do something out of character. I stopped my ds the other day after he'd started to boil the kettle...he was trying to make me a cup of tea, so not being naughty, but certainly not something you'd expect him to do. Luckily I was awake and alert so could stop him. Id be really mad if my dp did this.

Yanbu - its just so pathetic of your dh not to stay awake. Absolutely fucking pathetic.

The book thing is a bit misleading. He shouldn't have ripped it up but then we do rip up catalogues and stuff for scrapbooking and did cut up and use a ring bound book the other day. (It had lots of pictures of animals, was a thing that came with his preschool stuff, so looked like a book but wasn't IYSWIM, so good for scrapbooking). I can see DS might get confused and think it was OK to rip, it hadn't occurred to me he'd rip up a story book he liked. It wouldn't have happened or got past the first page if DH hadn't been ASLEEP.
I'm up half the bleeding night and yet I manage to hold it together, I don't think after 8 hours in bed it's too much to ask for the man to stay the fuck awake.

YANBU, id be gutted about the books too and while you should be able to leave DS alone at that age unsupervised I also know that my normally well behaved SD kindly lipsticked my hall stairs and landing before kissing my living room wall last month when she was alone for ten minutes and shes a little older - kids and time alone not always a good idea! which brings me to the fact I would be fuming that after 8 hours sleep your other half cant help out for an hour and a half, its not about whether your kid can be left alone, more that DH is being a total flake when you are the one thats up all night

YANBU, I think the issue here is that your DH thinks it's okay to do what he likes, when he likes. He shouldn't need to go back to sleep if he's had 8 hours of sleep already.

YANBU.

Similar situation here, my DH is the same.

He said he didn't mean to and it was an accident, said he was tired cos he'd woken each time I got up to DD, but that's just crap...when I get back into bed he's snoring his head off, so the most he's awake is about 20 minutes. I don't even think he's awake that long, I think he stirs when I get out of bed or come back in and then he drops straight off again. And I saw RED when he said he was tired.....like I'm not? Competitive tiredness I know but FFS? Sometimes I wish she was FF just so I could look myself in a room downstairs with earplugs and make him get up and do all the feeds and herd DS into bed when he wakes too early and see how tired the git is then. I don't think he has the foggiest sometimes.

OP, sounds like it might be time to introduce a nightly bottle (expressed milk?) to let your DH help.

Have done this with DC2 (formula not expressing) and am finding life sooooooo much easier!

My DH doesn't get up with the baby, but does with our toddler, including esrly mornings at weekends He has also been told quite clearly that I don't give a flying fig how tired he is, so he doesn't mention it.

My DH, sadly, needs a good chunk of sleep every night. Ideally he'd have 12 hours a night to function properly!

I would try the guilt angle with your DH. Scare him into staying awake with stories of Bad Things that have happened to toddlers in the home.

yanbu dh should have stayed awake BUT your ds is more than old enough to know not to rip books and should be able to play unsupervised at that age without ruining things

She won't take a bottle MrsTroll

about the bottle. We had that with DC1. We got there in the end with her, but it took a lot of tears and persistence.

Anyway, I digress...

YANBU. The whole thing sounds infuriating. Not just that a precious book has been destroyed thanks to your DH's laziness, but also that he thinks claiming he was "tired" is an excuse. And he clearly hasn't given a thought to what you've been going through.

YANBU If he's had eight hours sleep then he should be able to stay awake for an hour and half.

As a one off I would probably let it go. I have done the same myself (admittedly whilst pg with DD2)... was playing on the floor with DD1 and just fell asleep Luckily I woke up again before she did any damage.

It is possible to be so tired you literally can't keep your eyes open...is he unwell/coming down with something?