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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that if your child is doing sponsored

48 replies

bottleofbeer · 06/11/2011 12:32

...Whatever then you shouldn't go knocking at random houses asking total strangers to sponsor you?

Kid (about seven) and his mum at my doorstep asking me to sponsor him. Totally on the spot I agreed to do it, once I had she then tells me they're collecting the money now, before he's done it to save him knocking back.

I feel like I've just been robbed of a fiver. I suppose I'm not being reasonable by just saying that sorry, I can't afford it at the moment.

Whenever my kids have done sponsoered anything I've always told them to only ask family IE their grandparents, uncles, aunties. I'm a bit gobsmacked tbh.

OP posts:

slavetofilofax · 06/11/2011 14:43

OP, if you think it was a scam, can you check with the charity? Was it a well known one?

If people are using a genuine charity to scam paople out of money, then that is awful, and the charity should know about it. If it's an event though school, or another organisation, then I would let them know that there is either someone being very rude in their name, or using them for personal profit.

FWIW, I would probably have done the same as you and would be feeling awful afterwards whether or not I had given any money anyway!

TestAnswers · 06/11/2011 16:00

YANBU!

There is no way I would allow any of the DC to do that! TBH I won't even let them ask family/friends - we just sponsor them for a more generous amount.

If they are going around doing this then I think I would be inclined to follow it up with the school/charity if you can. I am now very wary of any door-to-door collections (apart from Birtish Legion/Christian Aid as I know the people collecting) since there was a scam where I lived in the NE - the woman was part of a gang collecting for a celebral palsy charity, I didn't have any money so wrote a cheque (never cashed), turned out it was a scam.

AnotherEmptyNest · 06/11/2011 17:58

All you have to do is say that you don't deal with cold callers. If they persist, just keep repeating that.

And I will not give to people planning a 'sponsored' trip to the Galapagos Islands or Nepal or wherever. Does their fare come out of it? We don't know. If they can't afford it, they shouldn't do it!

Original poster

bottleofbeer · 06/11/2011 18:06

I think, had it just been an adult I'd have said no. In fact I'm pretty sure I would have because from the moment I realised what they wanted my brain was just screaming "Oh you cheeky buggers" and the instant indignation of what she was asking would have made it easy to say no.

....but the kid; big, hopeful eyes, holding up this sponsor form. Mind you, if it is a scam I suppose that's the whole idea. People finding it harder to say no to a child. I did ask what it was for etc...but stupidly didn't think to ask what school it was. All I was told is that it was for Children In Need. My sister deliberately only gave £1, thinking others won't feel so pressured for the paper money variety if they see they aren't the first to give a smaller amount.

OP posts:

Anniegetyourgun · 06/11/2011 18:16

I have a small essay on my front door at the moment about all the people who shouldn't bother cold calling. I guess I need to add 'scammers' and 'people I don't know seeking sponsorship.'

How about replacing it with a short note saying "Whoever you are, we don't want any?"

Trills · 06/11/2011 18:18

You haven't been robbed of a fiver, you gave it away you fool.

TeapotsInJune · 06/11/2011 18:24

That's awful really. I have to admit I don't really like people knocking on my door at all - it's silly, but we had awful problems with bailiffs chasing a debt (not ours) when we moved in and it's made me quite jumpy, it makes the dog start barking which can wake DD and so yeah - I wouldn't have been thrilled!

I'm trying to think how I'd politely have said no, I suppose, "it's probably not a very sensible idea to ask people you don't know is it," accompanied by a sweet smile - all very well in hindsight though! x

Original poster

bottleofbeer · 06/11/2011 23:41

Ah yes Trill, I have been a fool but as Teapotsinjune has said, all very well in hindsight.

If I had ten seconds to get my head around it properly I'd not have done it. I was just put totally on the spot. Generally when you sponsor somebody they come back when their event is over with some sort of certificate to prove they did it. If I'd known I was expected to pay upfront I'd have just told them I had no cash in the house. I didn't know I had that excuse because I was expecting them to come back on Weds when he'd done it.

Oh well, you live and learn!

OP posts:

A1980 · 07/11/2011 00:12

I'd have told the child no.

I did it this year to the children who live on my road. When they came around trick or treating again I actaully said to them on my doorstep "So you and your parents have made no effort to speak to me since you moved in but you want free sweets off me?"

Paretns were I was

Original poster

bottleofbeer · 07/11/2011 12:40

Haha most of my neighbours are lovely but there are one or two who say hello as and when they feel like it. One day they'll be friendly as anything, the next they'll blank you like they don't know you.

I think next year's trick or treat will have to depend on whether I was acknowledged that day or not .

OP posts:

snailoon · 07/11/2011 12:48

I'm fed up of schools getting kids to sponsor things in general. I wouldn't mind it once a year and my kids could actually put some energy into it, but it seems like every 2 weeks there's another sponsorship form. Very annoying. (We already give lots of money to various charities.)

Swankyswishing · 07/11/2011 12:49

No way would I sponsor a random person turning up on my doorstep

madam52 · 07/11/2011 12:53

I too hate anything like this. Its like being pounced on in supermarket foyers by a 22yr old asking 'Would you like to help starving children ?' Talk about a loaded question - I mean what you supposed to say - 'No'. What really gets me is they know exactly what they are doing by wording it like that imo. I quite like to play them at their own game and say 'Yes I would - absolutely' and then walk away.

ZeldaUpNorth · 07/11/2011 12:59

I hate it when my dd has a sponsor form as i have a very small family who are not very well off (they'd only sponsor her £1 or something) but then they give a kid in each class who got the most money a "prize" which is awful for the likes of my dd :(

madam52 · 07/11/2011 13:10

I would have said I only sponser my own family and friends I'm afraid - but good luck anyway. Tatty bye and all that and then shut the door

madam52 · 07/11/2011 13:12

as I have said on many threads - it seems to be a one size fits all statement - as my old dad used to say - 'if theyre cheeky enough to ask -you can be cheeky enough to say no'.

Original poster

bottleofbeer · 07/11/2011 14:01

Madam, I love what your old dad used to say!

OP posts:

Swankyswishing · 07/11/2011 14:56

Madam, that is a very good saying!

Zelda, I too dont like all that prize stuff about sponsored events, also IMO it goes against the spirit and point of having a sponsored event by turning it into something competitive. Not good

PeppaPigandGeorge · 07/11/2011 14:57

Really zelda?? I think that's terrible.
I hate sponsor forms from school as I won't ask people at work etc (as some people seem to do), so basically it is just a request for me to give money.

Original poster

bottleofbeer · 07/11/2011 15:53

It was a scam. It's been on the local radio today apparently. Older man sponsored him, asked the name of the school and called the school today, the school knew nothing of any sponsored event.

Even worse, I said my sister deliberately donated £1 so others didn't feel so pressured to give more? the next house she called at was my parent's and my dad saw my sister had given £4 - he was annoyed because she'd been crying poverty to them and borrowing money, so he wondered why she was donating so much. They've obviously altered the 1 to a 4. I did think it was odd so many people had donated £4, seemed an odd number. I suspect they donated £1 and it was changed to a 4.

I hope whatever she spends the money on trips her up and breaks her teef she wasn't badly dressed and was chatting on an iphone so possibly not just a desperate woman who couldn't feed her kids.

OP posts:

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 07/11/2011 16:04

Horrible and awful to use a child like that.
DD came home with some raffle tickets for her school fair. They are 20p each or 5 for a pound. DD had obviously learned this spiel off someone else, because I pointed out that it was the same price. She then said that since they come in a book of five, I'd get a free staple.
She wanted to go knocking down the road. I wouldn't let her. I wonder if there is a prize of some sort for the most sold. I will be very cross if there is. We have no family living here so she's only collected a fiver. From me.

LoveBeingAFirework · 07/11/2011 20:20

madam52 · 08/11/2011 14:56

Thank you Swanky and Bottleofbeer (on behalf of my dad). It has stood me in good stead in many of those awkward situations where people put you on the spot - I always think of that saying and then out pops that underused word NO

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