AIBU to think my OH should pull his parents about this

[bringbacksunsetbeach]

My ILS live 100 miles away,they have zero intrest in our DS

they come to see us about once every 2 months for a few hours,they wont stay at our house even tho there is a room for them,they have stayed a few times but wont now choosing to arrive here about 11.30 and leave by 5.00pm

we go to them as often as we can a lot of the time my OH works 7 days a week so we usually go when we take a weeks holiday,we always stay for a weekend as it seems a waste of time going for one day and not fair to make DS spend 4 or more hours in the car in one day

so anyway the last time we went to vist we arrived on the friday night left on the sunday teatime,we went to the park on the sunday morning ILS idea

last night my OH rang his aunt to ask how his gran is,he had spoke to his gran but she s nearly deaf,OH s aunt said she was very dissapointed that she didnt see our DS the last time we were there,that she had arranged with my FIL (her brother) to come over on the sunday morning for a few hours to see us

my OH is furious that his parents didnt tell us that his aunt wanted to come over to see DS and talked us into going to the park so when she arrived no one was in

my ILS have done shitty things in the past and my OH says nothing,i think they should be pulled on this,what right have they got to say other family cant see DS when there not botherd about him anyway

my OH said he s not going to say anything to them as its not worth it and we ll do our own arranging with his family from now on

so yet again there gettin away with there shitty behaviour !

That really is shitty behaviour!

Well your DH is NBU to say you'll make your own arrangements, but I certainly think your ILs should be pulled up on this. Was it a deliberate act against the aunt?

That is shitty behaviour, but it is up to your DH how he deals with this one. I think he probably has the right idea because it doesn't sound like a row would change anything anyway. Frustrating, I know.

TBH I would tell family to make arrangments directly with you - and I wouldn't have a big row but I would mention it so they know you know - oh BTW aunt was disapointed etc - sound like they are quite thoughtless and not likely to change

• BTW that a lot more than my DCs see their grandparents that live a similar distance - so I wouldn't say they are not that bothered

I don't think I would expect your OH to 'call' his parents on this. I would , however, ensure that the next time you visit, you/OH take responsibility for seeing other family members and then, as you leave the ILs on your wy to visit said family, i would make some remark about how 'poor auntie x seems to think there had been an arrangement in place last time, but of course, there couldn't have been or you would have told us wouldn't you?.' Sort of make a joke of it but letting them know you know IYSWIM.
OTOH if the same/similar thing happens again, go for it!

yeh it was deliberate,ive heard them slag her off a few times about petty things,the aunt said she rang early on the sunday morning to make sure it was still ok to come round,so not like my ILS forgot

this is mean of them and upsetting for you

what can you do but learn a lesson, make arrangements separately from them with other family members, dont rely on them at all

yeh from now on we will,we are going down next weekend and have made arrangments to see my OH s aunt

ill suggest to my OH that we make a joke of it like Sayithowitis said

just so they know we know

Shitty of them, I would make your own arrangements from now on and mention to them why (ever so casually).

One thing, and I'm not trying to be difficult, but 100 miles is not that far away. My parents lived 400 miles away and if the roads were clear it would normally take about 6 and half hours (at speed limit), every 6-8 weeks. Perhaps you could arrange to see other relatives on a weekend if you're free and keep those visits separate from the IL's? Just a suggestion really.

Crap of them, but hard to see the point of pulling them up on it IMO. Because it's done now, and any discussion of it could result in bad feeling. They don't sound the types to turn round and apologise for their behaviour, so there will be no winners here. Now you know what's been going on you can make your own arrangements, and if they complain you can tell them to stick it.

think i'm being a bit slow - why would your ILs purposely try to get you out of the house so you couldn't see the aunt? It sounds more like they'd forgotten, surely? could the aunt not have called them/you on mobile to track you down? i may have missed something but if it wasn't just a misunderstanding, it seems rather bizarre behaviour as opposed to shitty.

and unless you really like them (which i suspect you don't), then them visiting once every couple of months should be plenty, no?

It sounds to me as though it was a mistake/oversight to be honest

If they live 100 miles away, why isn't once every 2 months enough for a visit?

Not a mistake, forgotten or an over sight. Read the OP's later post, the aunt rang that morning to confirm arrangements. It was calculated, nasty behaviour.

Definatly let them know that you know they are poisonous, even if it is in a round about way as suggested.

That really is shitty.

However I wouldn't pull them up about it, unless questioned when you tell them you will make your own arrangements for visiting. This might be because I am a coward haven't had any experience of this sort of behaviour though.

Poor aunty :(

That is horrid behaviour. Can't you go to visit his gran on a separate visit, just her and no IL's.

What Ranty said.

And I'm struggling to see how two mature adults would want to behave like think and possibly imagine that they could either not be found out and go unchallenged.

But I guess they always get away with whatever they do? Which the OP's point I suppose.

But OP like other posters have said, there's more than one way to skin a cat. Don't give them a showdown that they would turn against you. Smile with dignity and let them know that you know, and will be taking control of arrangements from now on.

I live 300 miles from my extended family so and I always felt a bit guilty not seeing any aunts, uncles, cousins, mother's cousins or seeing one or two and not the others. Now and again, I would hire a room somewhere, organise a food supply with tea/coffee and invite them. I always got a good turnout with perhaps thirty people there.

Not every time I went to visit 300 miles away though.

behave like this sorry.

That's really horrible!

I agree with . . . sayithowitis . . . I would , however, ensure that the next time you visit, you/OH take responsibility for seeing other family members and then, as you leave the ILs on your wy to visit said family, i would make some remark about how 'poor auntie x seems to think there had been an arrangement in place last time, but of course, there couldn't have been or you would have told us wouldn't you?.'

my FIL doesnt seem to like his sister much or his own mother,i asked FIL last time they were here if my OHs gran would be up for us taking her out for a pub lunch when we go down next (she s in her 90s ) he said he was sure she would love that but he didnt want her over for sunday lunch the next day as she was seeing us on the saturday that was enough ! my OH reckons the only reason he wants to go vist is so his gran can spend as much time as possible with our DS,my OH is not close at all to his parents

i dont really think its a lot for my ILS to spend 4 and a half hours every 8 weeks with their only granchild i dont think thats a lot at all,they never ring us either even when they no DS is poorly to ask how he is,my OH always has to ring them

i think its important for my DS to no both sets of granparents,even though im not fond of my ILS i would never let that get in the way of them having a realationship with DS,he ll make his own mind up about them when he s older

i have heard MIL telling lies to her family aswell sayin she offerd to buy a cot for DS but we said no as we already had one,the truth was she offerd us my OHs cot and matress from when he was a baby,we politley refused it and said we would like to have a new cot and deffo a new mattress,she went in a major huff over this and my parents bought us a cot

i could go on forvever about things including her puttin her head down my toilet to inspect it was clean enough

wow!

Double wow!

wow ?