Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To teach my son properly??

62 replies

Cinders77 · 05/11/2011 22:35

My MiL has a habit of calling people (especially her kids) by nicknames...babs etc. Her younger son of about 13 still calls my DH by the nickname he picked up while trying to pronounce his name as a baby. It irritates me soooo much. While she was over tonight..I was pointing out everyone in the room to my DS 16 months...by name. MiL..starts saying...babs...babs....instead of the persons name! I correct her & say he will not use nicknames but actual names! My DH doesn't see the harm in it!! AIBU to want to teach my son the right way??

OP posts:
redlac · 05/11/2011 22:53

Me and my sister still call our brother the nickname we gave him when he was 4 and spelt his name wrong. He's now 27

Yabu

AgentZigzag · 05/11/2011 22:54

My mum parents gave me a name that couldn't be shortened because she they liked the whole name to be used.

I hated it (although the name's OK) and always wanted a less formal name for mates to use, so both our DDs have ones you can make loads of shortened versions of.

I'm like pointy and have about 10 names each that I call them, I have to be careful not to yell any across the Tesco aisles Grin

Sevenfold · 05/11/2011 22:55

yabu
get over it ffs

LineRunnerSaturnaliaCometh · 05/11/2011 22:56

Well I agree Cinders that your DS should be allowed to come up with his own nickname, not have a previously-deemed-cute nickname foisted upon him.

AgentZigzag · 05/11/2011 23:01

I agree LR, and think it would be oppressing the poor lad if he wasn't allowed to come up with his own names...

(can't tell whether your tongue is in your cheek or not Grin)

letitwork · 05/11/2011 23:02

"Let me teach my son properly then if he can't pronounce it etc then what he can say will be acceptable til old enough to be able to"

Can I tell you something OP? You are not the only person in the world who is going to teach your son things. Children learn from the world around them and the other people that influence them. They don't just learn from their mothers and it's very sad that you think you are the only person who has a right or role in teaching him anything.

seeker · 05/11/2011 23:02

People should be called what they want to be called. I am Kate, and I would very displeased if anyone introduced me as Cathleen. I know a Hermione who is always, always Mai, a John who is always Jonty. Would you expect your ds to use the proper names of all these people?

HedleyLamarr · 05/11/2011 23:05

YANBU to teach him the right way as you see it. As long as you and he are happy what does it matter? Really, we're all different.

LineRunnerSaturnaliaCometh · 05/11/2011 23:05

No I'm being serious, Agent, having had a think about it.

Imagine those hideous families where there are 'traditional' nicknames cascading down the generations. Yuck.

If people are saying that nicknames are great because little babies invented them then each new generation should have a chance of making ther own.

Christ, that does sound facetious, doesn't it?

I've managed to out-sardonic myself. Grin

LindyHemming · 05/11/2011 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunnerSaturnaliaCometh · 05/11/2011 23:10

I have relatives whose nicknames I would not teach to a toddler.

My brother is called David. His nickname is Dodge.

I'm hardly going to introduce a toddler to his 'Uncle Dodge.'

ChippingInAutumnLover · 05/11/2011 23:11

What's the point in telling him this is 'Elizabeth' - if everyone calls her 'Beth'?? (for example)

As for 'things' you say dog, she says woofy. You spend a lot more time with him than she does - he'll soon learn it's a dog and she's a bit mad. Don't stress it.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 05/11/2011 23:13

... and if my name was Elizabeth, but everyone called me Beth, I would not be impressed that you had decided to teach him to call me Elizabeth, what I am called is up to me, not you.

letitwork · 05/11/2011 23:13

"My DH doesn't see the harm in it!!"

What is the actual harm in it? Other than that it annoys you? Which, quite frankly, could be resolved by you just learning to relax a bit.

LindyHemming · 05/11/2011 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunnerSaturnaliaCometh · 05/11/2011 23:20

I think we need more information.

squeakytoy · 05/11/2011 23:21

Your name is "cinders" but you will expect your child to call you "mummy".. he will learn in time that you also have another "proper" name. As he will learn that other people have different names too.

It is certainly not something that is worth getting into a MIL vs DIL fight over..

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/11/2011 23:24

Well, I can see the OP's point here. Who died and made MIL God, in charge of deciding the name of everyone? A nickname is a personal thing, between the namer and the named.

For example, I have a relative called Margaret. She is almost always called Margaret, except by a few people. One calls her Peggy, and another calls her Meg. Nobody else calls her these names, and I'm pretty sure she'd look Hmm at them if they did.

By all means, the MIL can have nicknames for everyone. But she doesn't get to decide what everyone else calls them.

seeker · 05/11/2011 23:26

"YANBU to teach him the right way as you see it. As long as you and he are happy what does it matter? Really, we're all different."

But what about the person whose name you are arbitrarily changing?

EightiesChick · 05/11/2011 23:56

More info needed. Does everyone call these people by these nicknames, or just the MIL? If everyone does it then your DS will follow suit. However, if it's just something your MIL says, e.g. someone's called Johnny by everyone else but she calls him JonJon, then I can't see that the OP is being unreasonable in telling her child that the person's name is Jonny.

WhereYouLeftIt got it spot on above:
'By all means, the MIL can have nicknames for everyone. But she doesn't get to decide what everyone else calls them.'

The OP is getting an unneccesarily rough ride here.

EightiesChick · 05/11/2011 23:57

unnecessarily oops

ChippingInAutumnLover · 05/11/2011 23:57

Yes - if it's only something she calls someone then fair enough, but if everyone uses the NN then teaching the 16 month old the 'real' name is pointless.

LineRunner - do you call him Dodge or David? Does anyone call him David?

One of my Uncles had (he died a few years ago) a NN, sillier than Dodge Grin I don't remember a time when I didn't know he had 'two names' but no one ever called him his real name - even the death notice was his nn with his rn in small print underneath.

Frankly it seems a bit bonkers to be 'teaching' a 16 month old people's names - generally they just absorb it through useage.

exoticfruits · 06/11/2011 08:30

I was quite old before I know that my aunt was not her nickname-she didn't like her real name-I can't see why I needed to know at 16months old!

LoveBeingAFirework · 06/11/2011 08:34

I understand this is how you were brought up but do you know what that is how your dh and mil were brought up. This is what happens when two families join and produce a new human

Proudnscary · 06/11/2011 08:36

This is a problem?