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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

aibu to distance my mil

9 replies

pookle10 · 05/11/2011 21:17

This is a tricky one and is more about my dh than me but it does affect me as well. Ok, I will start with background info: dh parents got divorced when he was 14 and his sis was 6, they went to live with the mother and rarely saw their father as the mother had control. The mother portrays her self to the wide world as devoted mother and general all round lovely person but behind closed doors, a different story, she really can?t be bothered with her dc unless she has an audience. She has been married a few times now and on husband no 3, her only concern is keeping up appearances in her social circle.

There Is a long list of events that have led up to my dh resentment towards his mother, I have always tried to play the devils advocate as we don?t see a great deal of mil and I can do without trouble. Anyway I am starting to have more sympathy with my dh since the birth of our ds1 last year. She now likes to play the part of devoted gp, but again is all noise and no action, she went through a stage of leaving demanding answer phone messages stating that we must do xy and z and the messages became more hostile and foul the longer we left them unanswered, nothing of any importance just so long as her wishes were met.

Last Christmas there was an answer phone message filled with anger and tears demanding that she saw her grandson at Christmas, we had no problem with this and had not restricted her, but we had to change plans to fit round her and her social events, to top off the visit our ds1 received his Christmas present which was a glittery bag and ribbons and a special card and the actual gift was a £6 dog from ikea ( not a problem but she is not short of cash?new range rover, cruises etc)

I am just sick of all the demands from my mil and feel sorry for my ds as she is the only family that is near by and his only gp.
Any way I guess I?m asking for advice, my dh would quite happily move with no forwarding address but I feel torn. Any advice please?

OP posts:
xmyboys · 05/11/2011 21:41

Get rid of answering machine. Grin

hormonalmum · 05/11/2011 21:42

i'd say take the lead from your dh but i would avoid cutting her off at this moment.

but I would not enable her. do not change plans etc to fit her in

Mollydoggerson · 05/11/2011 21:50

We have a similar situation but my dh panders to his mother.

My advice is stick to your plans once they are made but be very curteous when makin6 them. Try to arran6e some family time to6ether well in advance of the festivity date, and then she can decide herself if she wants to make an effort to see her son and 6randkids. if she doesn't row in and try to meet you all half way then she will have to take responsibility for her own actions. She wont be able to call cryin if you have been completely reasonable.

I'm sure her friends know she is full of shite about bein6 the devoted 6randmother/mother.

mothmagnet · 05/11/2011 21:55

She sounds very insecure.

It's a difficult situation for you both, but maybe try to think what would be the best for your ds in terms of contact (including your own emotions) and go from there.

I'd say the same as the others, don't change plans, but try not to exclude her either.

squeakytoy · 05/11/2011 21:59

How often do you actually see her?

LindyHemming · 05/11/2011 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pookle10 · 05/11/2011 22:10

thanks for your replies.

no answer phone now : )

we did see mil once a week when ds was born but since all the crap its now once or twice a month.

ds birthday is coming up and i so far things have been quiet, but i feel she will be lurking next week as she will need the 1st birthday photo to show her friends!

OP posts:
slavetofilofax · 05/11/2011 22:11

What hormonalmum said is perfect advice.

PeppaPigandGeorge · 05/11/2011 22:14

Hormonalmum seems very sensible.... my children, however, are more or less unaware that the MIL exists.

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