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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if these kids parents have any idea what they're really like?

26 replies

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 05/11/2011 16:02

Following on from the Feral Kids thread, I had to post as I am just

Just been to our local park...we don't often go on a Saturday as we're usually out and about as a family..I am used to going there with my youngest when the other kids are in school....it was full of kids aged around 12 I would say....first year of high school kids they seemed....a large gang of girls and one of boys....about 23 kids or so. All of them looked well cared for in that they had lovely outfits on....good bikes and skateboards etc...but the language!

THey were calling each other effing c**ts and effing bastards every other sentence....loudly in front of my 7 and 3 year old.

The boys were calling some of the girls names...like slag and slapper....one of the lads said to one of the girls very loudly "HA ha! You fancy Tom...you want his cock!"

I was gobsmacked! The girl in question ended up in tears and I am seriously thinking about homeschooling. I don't want my DC going to the local high school now....why should they have to? AIBU to think this and also to think that I bet these kids parents have no idea what they're acting like?

If you have DC this age can you imagine them being like this/

OP posts:

worraliberty · 05/11/2011 16:05

Sadly, swearing seems to have become the 'norm'. You only have to read MN to see that.

Kladdkaka · 05/11/2011 16:05

Yep. My daughter has the mouth of a sewer rat. She didn't get it home. We don't swear. Every single day she gets reprimanded for it. I hear kitten herding is easier.

squeakytoy · 05/11/2011 16:05

even if you home-school, you cant keep your kids away from their peers forever... children swear, its horrible to hear, but it happens..

Saturdaysgirl · 05/11/2011 16:06

Hi, I wouldn't worry about that too much, altho I can imagine you were a bit out of your element. I'd say those kids were flirting actually, and getting away with swearing!

I remember having a party in a field for my 16th. We all just hung about and loads of kids showed up. I was saying piss every second word cos I was nervous and felt on show as it was my birthday. Then my Dad showed up and I shut up pretty sharpish!

I think teens need somewhere to hang out where they can be in their groups of gender, eye'ing up other groups of different gender.

pictish · 05/11/2011 16:07

Oh I can totally imagine my son being exactly like this while out of my earshot and with his buds.
God knows I was the same.

Original poster

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 05/11/2011 16:14

Maybe I'm just not used to "big kids" yet.....I remember at school some kids swore but I never did and nor did my mates...we thought it was terrible!

OP posts:

Original poster

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 05/11/2011 16:16

And they all seemed so self conscious bless them....

OP posts:

AFuckingKnackeredWoman · 05/11/2011 16:19

Its grandstanding innit.

After the bubble wrap comes off at big school i think everyone has a phase of being a gobshite.
Hopefully it wears of quick

Pandygirl · 05/11/2011 16:21

Honestly? I think all kids are like this away from their parents. As long as they know how to behave in front of adults and show respect to their elders I don't think the way they speak to each other is particularly a problem.

cece · 05/11/2011 16:28

I think as long as they know when not to swear then it is acceptable.

TBH my DC2 learnt every single swear word by Christmas of Reception. But apart from once (just after he learnt them) I have never heard him use them!

tobyrat · 05/11/2011 16:56

Can't keep them away from their peers is correct. Even if you homeschool, will they then do open university and work from home? You can't exist in a bubble and I think that you have to let them mix with their peers and try and teach them right from wrong. Worse than the swearing you mention is the fact that one child was bullied to tears IMO.

Original poster

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 05/11/2011 17:35

ut cece is it acceptable to swear in front of my 3 year old and my 7 year old? hardly.

It was awful to see that girl crying. Her friends did look after her though.

OP posts:

ChooChooWowWow · 05/11/2011 17:40

I was in a similar situation recently. I had stern words with the boys about showing respect to the girls as well as my dc. They all shuffled off muttering their apologies and no doubt called me a few choice names when they were out of earshot.
My DS (11) doesn't swear yet but he is a homebody and doesn't hang around parks ect. I'm sure once he does he will be as bad as the rest. I know my DD swears like a trooper but I've never actually heard her. She wouldn't dare in front of me.

becstarsky · 05/11/2011 17:41

Did you say anything to them? When big kids (11 - 15yo) have been swearing in the park near my DS I tend to go over and quietly say 'Hey, sorry to bother you guys but I've got a little one here, can you please watch your language?' and they've been all blushing and apologizing. Because underneath they're mostly nice kids, just putting a bit of a front on in front of their peers.

Original poster

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 05/11/2011 18:02

I just didn't think to approach them....I will next time though. Reading this thread back I think it's sad that so many people are just shrugging and saying it's normal. I am not even against swearing as a principle...they're only words....but there's a time and a place and I think parents should make more effort.

OP posts:

cece · 05/11/2011 18:11

No I don't think it is acceptable to w swear in front of small children. I didn't say that. These children clearly have more to learn about when and where to swear!

becstarsky · 05/11/2011 18:12

Sounds good. They're likely to be defensive, as young people get such a bad press, and they're easily embarrassed. But if you're really nice and friendly when you approach them, you might be surprised how well they respond.

When DS was about 10mo I once went around the corner and straight into the middle of a fight between a bunch of boys aged about 13-15. Two of them had weapons (iron bar and brick respectively) and there was I, right in amongst it with a pushchair. I was so shocked, and just out of instinct said "Erm, can one of you guys possibly help me with the gate - only with the pushchair and the shopping..." And they dropped their bar and their brick, one of them opened the gate for me and a couple of others carried my shopping to the bottom of the stairs and they all said how cute my son was. Then they separated and walked home in different directions. Tbh, they all looked relieved to have had the situation defused without any of them having to 'lose face' or really hurt each other. They were just a bunch of scared kids, trying to be hard.

Pixel · 05/11/2011 18:15

"I think it's sad that so many people are just shrugging and saying it's normal"
Totally agree, that's exactly what I was thinking as I was reading the thread.

scarevola · 05/11/2011 18:22

You might like to read this thread, in conjunction with this one. It's about teens and gangsta language (which obviously includes swearing).

Merle · 05/11/2011 18:26

What shocks me more than the swearing is the outright nasty, misogynistic nature of some of the things they were saying. I nearly tackled a group about this last year. They were a similar age, saying similar things to the girls. I didn't because the group ran off, (not from me), to a different area of the park and because they had moved off I couldn't be sure who had said what. (bit of a 'young people all looking the same thing, I think; showing my age). I live in a large-ish village and so these chlildren were probably local. I haven't got girls but I wanted to stick up for these girls and at least let them see that it wasn't acceptable.

zukiecat · 05/11/2011 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 05/11/2011 20:10

Merle I think if I hadn't had my DC with me I might have tackled them about the girl....poor kid...whothe hll do those las think they are? Funnilyenough, she was rather stunning...beautiful kid...maybe that was the only way they could bring themselves to talk to her.

zukie These kids were not even that type....that sound dreadful!

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Dialsmavis · 05/11/2011 21:00

If the Teens look like basically nice kids ask them not to swear, if they don't stop move. It is all bravado. We have a rough as arseholes London Secondary school near my house and I was a bit worried to begin with. They all seem like good kids and offer to help me with the pram and hold doors open for me at the shop etc. I cringe when I look back on my behaviour at that age but now I am terribly terribly naice!Teenagers get a bad name which is a self fulfilling prophesy. Adults also need to not be afraid to ask them to pack it in if they are being anti social little so and so's

carwash · 05/11/2011 21:54

I work with secondary kids and 99.9% is bravado/face. I wouldn't want to get involed in the 00.1%, but I do work with the kids for whom violence is part of life. Everyone of them would help you through that gate, hold your shopping, whatever they give off before and after. They are actually better at stuff you tell them clearly than assuming they know what to do.

When you have little kids teenagers are intimidating. When you have teenagers you think they are misunderstood..maybe

Dialsmavis asolutely!

carwash · 05/11/2011 21:55

absolutely

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